Relationships and marriage: 3 case studies

Case study #1: Controlling husband
Sample: A coll who got married recently

1. When the wife is mad and goes offline, the husband calls her handphone. She turns it off, he calls the office phone. When she lifted it off the hook, he called the office general line. The receptionist called the coll and asked what happened.
- While I would very much like my partner to pujuk me if I am mad, the extent of calling the general line is a no-no.

2. The husband calls before lunch, after lunch, after work when she is already on the way to meet him and I don't know when else.
- Ok, I don't know what his intentions were. They might be out of love and concern for her safety but I see them as being possessive. I wonder how they managed to do work when they talk so much on the phone during working hours.

3. Post-marriage change
- Before marriage, he sent her to the annual dinner. After being engaged, he said he doesn't know where this year’s dinner is, no need to go. So she is the only one who didn’t come.

4. He told her ‘Don't buy lingerie like oldies. Buy something that can attract me’ (his exact words in MSN, it was copy pasted for me)
- Sounds like his wife is his sex toy. I found it insulting.

5. He asked her to call off her bachelorette party, but he himself had one and even to the extent of having ‘girls’, before the wife found out and ‘trimmed’ it. She found out on his FB that a friend said he could only afford to bring one girl, a Filipino. After much argument, the guys didn’t spend a night in Phuket as planned, but came back that night itself from some place nearby.
- Who is he to disallow his wife to have a party? Especially when it was already being planned.
- Then, he shouldn't have double standards to have one
- A bachelorette party is very unlikely to ‘go out of control’, but here they were talking about Filipino girls
- It was definitely up to no good as he kept asking her to go back to her parents’ house instead and he would send her there, when previously he kept saying that he isn't free to send her.

In that last argument on bachelor party, his justification was that his friends ‘took the effort to meet up’, so why wouldn’t she let him go? For 2 obvious reasons: I can’t have one but you can? And your party has hookers! They argued over MSN and he said that she would only miss him 40 years later when he is dead. He wants to wake up but he can’t.. yada yada. Drama, typical of that certain race.

Anyway, I’m glad that they are finally happily married and are still off for their long honeymoon in Phuket (this also with lots of arguments). As Timmy said, whatever floats their boat. And their wedding card states the husband’s occupation before his name, “Engr.” :D :D

Case study #2: <1-year marriage
Sample: Childhood friend of 16 years

The husband goes out a lot after work when he should be more ‘domesticated’ now that he is married.
She let him out 2 nights per week but it became more than that. She kept track in her pc of the days he went out and used that as ‘evidence’. She said he wasn’t like this before and was frustrated and said that she wants to divorce.

I dismissed it. People say and think these kinda things in an argument. But I was shocked when I received her sms saying that she is down cos she is divorcing her husband. What happened was he had felt that there were problems a year or 2 before their marriage but thought they try and work it out. Unfortunately, it cannot be worked out and he has also fallen for someone else.

Problem is he never told her of his doubts before the marriage, how is she supposed to know and work it out. Whether that was used to soften the fact that he has fallen for someone else, I don't know. 1 year is truly short, although what people don't see was that it was an extension of a 7-year relationship. But marriage is well, marriage. Ending it is not like ending a relationship. People stick together despite being cheated on, abused etc. It is hard though to say that they should give it another try, for the trust is no longer there.

Nevertheless, his frequent going outs were not to see the other person. He couldn’t face her at home, so he went off. I must say that my friend can be a difficult person to live with too but we can’t point fingers at one person. Actually, the marriage isn't even a year if calculated by the time they signed the papers.

Case study #3: Her over family
Sample: A bank assistant sales manager that I met for the first time

He came to Klang from Penang to be with his gf of 4 years found a job in Port Klang. She quit the job after a few months, joined another company, fell in love with a coll there and left him. My mother finished the story before I could tell her the ending. So he continues working here since he has built his client base here and will go home once his career moves further up.
- the things people sacrifice and get in return. But of course, staying on in a relationship due to gratitude is one thing that one should never ever do; it won’t work. It’s torturous, hanging around without any feelings except that of gratitude.

Of course there are many other happy endings; these were just meant to share strange things that happen in a relationship.

The caption of Gubra says, “Why do we hurt the most, The ones we love the most?”

Khau kung

As usual during CNY, family stories are exchanged. My mother was re-telling the story about my granduncle who is actually adopted. He was sort of neglected when he was small. When she said that fat ahyee cried when she heard the story, I was like ‘Nah, she’s useless’. But I found myself teary-eyed too and my mother’s face was red too when she retold it.

So khau kung was adopted by my great-grandmother since she already had 2 daughters. When his birth mother was pregnant with him, she told great-grandmother that if it was another boy (they had 2 already), she would give him up for adoption. It was during the Japanese occupation and my great-grandmother didn’t want the baby actually but it was my grandaunt who wanted him. She was 11 then and I guess, she wanted a little baby as a toy.

So since great-grandmother didn’t really want the baby, I think that was why he was neglected. It was grandaunt who took care of him and brought him everywhere. There was no milk during that Jap occupation. Maybe if it wasn’t the Jap occupation, there might not have been any as well, people were poor at that time. So grandaunt at around 11 years of age, carried khau kung on her back and went house to house looking if there is any breast-feeding mother to ask for milk. “Can you feed my sai lou (little brother)?”

And due to neglect again, khau kung seems to have a series of mishaps. When he was just a few month old baby, he slipped from great-grandmother’s hands to the floor and blanked out. At 3 years old, he had this habit of going around the house pants-less. One day, he was eating and rice dropped all over his body, including his ‘thingy’. Since there was rice on it, a dog came to snap it. Gosh, sounds funny but imagine a dog biting that, especially of a small boy’s. Then at 5, grandaunt brought him to watch a football match. Apparently some mat sallehs were playing and the ball came right into khau kung’s face and he blanked out. The mat salleh rushed over panicked and carried the little fella to the clinic. The mat salleh said that thank goodness he had used his left leg, else the impact would have been harder if he had used his right.

The part that made me and the others tear was when khau kung, aged 3, wandered out alone downstairs from the house. I don't know what kinda house that was but it sounded like he had gone a few storeys down. No one realised he was gone from the house and being just 3, he couldn’t find his way up. So he sat there and sobbed ‘Tai ka che’ (he called grandaunt - his sister, this) and with each sob, he picked up 1 stone and placed it near him. The ‘tai ka che’ sob re-enacted was so sad. By the time grandaunt found him, there was a big pile of stones, indicating that he had been sitting there for quite some time already. Ahyee said that he must have been so bored that he had to amuse himself with picking up stones.

I don't know khau kung personally. I mean I’ve met him only once recently but I feel so sad especially hearing the ‘tai ka che’ sobs and the part of a little girl going house to house looking for breast milk to feed her little brother. It’s no wonder that khau kung loves this sister so much for what she has done for him, just a little girl of about 11.

2010 Goals & Objectives

Work goals, not personal ones. Personal ones were meant to be listed out at the beginning of the year but never got about doing it.

Goals in the order of importance:

#1 Hepatitis B & C analysis:

- Find out about the current status of Hepatitis Automation

#1 Hepatitis B Asia Monitor:

- ‘Project controller’ on the HBV Asia monitor, managing the full process from preparing materials, briefing notes, co-ordinating and liaising with FW & DP, updating the team, performing all final data checks (tables, edits, etc) and take primary responsibility for preparing core & client decks

#2 Diabetes:

- Take the lead on managing the Diabetes codeframe

- Look into the possibility of Automating Diabetes outputs

#2 Hepatitis B & C Production &Project Management:

- The primary contact for IHR queries and new code requests on a daily basis

- Take an active role in testing the Hepatitis C online survey links

- Becoming more involved in preparing materials each phase, including inserting translations, briefing notes, coding notes, codeframes etc

#3 Diabetes & Hepatitis Knowledge Sharing:

- Undertaking any required desk research and compiling information into concise formats etc (compiling & maintaining a Diabetes drugs & developmental drugs database and distributing this across the wider APAC team)

- Help to train any wider team members on areas such as Desktop Reporter, therapy areas etc

-  Primary responsibility for preparing all Diabetes & Hepatitis Doctor Reports

Super major responsibilities in pink. All these are on top of the regular report preparation that I do. Gosh, I am overwhelmed. The only things that I’ve done so far are preparing presentations and checking data. I’m suddenly in charge of the whole Asia monitor? Cool! But scary! I had been expecting more involvement but not the entire thing.

It started when I decided to know and learn more (for promotion and career advancement purposes). Although I’ve been in market research for 2.5 years now, I had always dealt with ready data. It can be said that there was no research whatsoever; I was more of doing analysis. If I were to go elsewhere, my experience would be useless as I didn’t know a thing about sampling methods, sample sizes, research methods.. Being in the local teams would help but me being in the global team meant that my involvement would only be at the reporting stage.

So I asked for more. I’ve started so far helping with the preparation of forms. I’m still vague on the deadlines, the sequence of procedures and the liaising with FW and DP. I don't even know who does those, gosh (probably cos I haven’t even read the email Nick sent me today. I glanced through and saw about 15 steps).

And yesterday Nick said that they’re hiring another person there in UK. He said they are understaffed. Yeah, due to the time difference, I know I did far less compared to them. It disturbed me a little, especially since that things should be freer since I’m taking over Asia and some parts of the other regions. Well, guess I shouldn’t let it bother me.

Quite worried when Nick hands over to Darren. Nick’s really good in details and instructions and he develops people. I heard that Darren doesn't speak much. Nick comes to work sometimes at 7am or 8.30am and we get to talk. The others come right at 5.30pm when I am about to leave. Hmm.. starting a discussion right at 5.30pm and executing action after that doesn't seem like a nice idea to me. I'm ok if it's until 6+ but not everything can be done so quick and the whole office would have left already..

Well, let’s see how it goes. Boss mentioned a promotion since I would be involved in all areas of a monitor. I give it a year, work hard and see. Things don't seem to be so pretty here, except only for a possible trip to UK every year. I think that’s the pull-factor, other than the fact that it is freaking relaxing and stress-free here. Utter freedom, casual clothes and a boss that doesn't breathe down our necks (until we abused it haha).

On the other hand, I know I need to kaizen, even before these goals were set. Dang, using that Toyota term now. I realised that I'm taking a lot of time working on tasks, and I wasn't even chatting. As my goals said, maybe automation is the key. And boss actually forgot about it and I open my big mouth and asked her "What about automation?". Ok, let's think of the pros of it then...

Boom boom pow!! I wanna get that promotion so that I can see the looks on the other’s faces since I’m one of the newer ones. I think that satisfaction is the most motivating factor!!


* This shall also serve as a reminder/motivation on days when I feel so lazy and sluggish

All sorts of people

1. The Nagger
Boy, this woman can really nag. A colleague of mine, there is just so much negativity about her. A simple thing can elicit hours of complaints, both verbally and worse, MSN. For eg, our only male team member enjoys calling people ‘psst psst’ when he wants to get your attention. He never calls you by the name. For me, I don't really bother but our friend here posted a super long FB status touching on the lack of morals, he wasn’t brought up properly yada yada.. And then she’d add 3 people to an MSN conversation and continue the complaints. Oh my Lord..

Else, it would be boredom at the office, how crazy it is to go outdoors for a wedding photo shoot cos it is hot and sweaty and there are creepy-crawlies, and how bored it is at the office again.. I don't know how come these people can chat so much despite having work to do, yet leave at 5pm.

Nope, it’s not that I’m inefficient. It’s because the way our teams work differently. They send the slides back and forth UK until the deck is completed while I don't have anyone to pick up where I left off. I’m trying to handle queries directly from Korea and volunteered to help out behind-the-scenes for the monitor (an attempt in self-justification). So don't bug me, go away!

Heck, I wasn’t expecting her to have a bf; I wonder how he can tolerate her. There is just so much negativity as soon as she opens her mouth. She makes me want to be a better person. I don't want to be a serial complainer/nagger/whiner.

2. The Colour Blind
These people really piss me off. Whiner Woman (WW) above belongs to this category too. Look, red on MSN means ‘busy’, orange is ‘away’. Any fool can read that, they don't have to be experts on MSN. In the first place, I’m already ‘busy’, why did you start talking unimportant things/complaining in the first place? And if I’m ‘away’, you nudge and nudge and nudge. What is fcuking wrong with you?

First, I am at work. So use your brains and be a little considerate. When all colour blindness fails, I go invi. And then that stupid WW asked me to be available so that she can add more people to the chat. Really fubar, beyond any any repair.

P/S There are some who are really ‘seng mok’, thank you for having that ‘seng mok-ness’.

3. The Parasite
“People can’t be parasites forever, especially when they are already in their 20s” That’s what my FB said. When this person first turned parasitic, I tried to explain to myself that it might be cos she is young and immobile. Despite having parents and a sister who can all drive, you still want to trouble me. My father isn't around any longer and my mother doesn't drive, so tell me are you invalid or what?

Now a big 20+ buffalo and still parasitic. My opinion of you has sunken to its lowest level, cos now I see that you are merely making use of people. I don't have a big sign plastered across my forehead saying ‘free taxi’. I don't know if it’s just me having that that imaginary sign in your head or everyone does. Come on, God didn’t create each and every one of us with the purpose of fulfilling one of your needs.

And if you weren't parastic enough, your sister is quite one too. A family of parasites, enough said. Do your part for society and find a saint-like husband to dilute that genes in you.

4. The Weird Philosopher
WW says that it isn't ‘financially efficient’ to get married. Instead of having a wedding dinner, she wants her husband to pay for her further education instead. She worships her mother cos she still has a good body shape despite being in her 50s, because she had opted for a C-section (so her pelvic bones wouldn’t expand and result in wide hips) and not to breastfeed her (so that her boobs wouldn’t sag). She said that if we didn’t get any paid slimming sessions from our hubbies, it would be stupid as we have given him kids. Gosh gosh gosh. I had known that she is all about money but never this.

Marriage is seen as a financial investment? Well, everyone is entitled to their (weird) opinions. And for all that slimming thing, perky boobs and slim hips, what use are they if you are ugly? Silver frame glasses with multi-coat that has peeled off is the first thing you’ll notice.

5. The Drama Director
This is a writer who writes for me. I assigned her 11 articles and she sent me 2. I asked where are the others, she said all 11 were attached in that mail. I looked high and low, none. I sent her the printscreen showing only 2 attachments and then there was no more news from her. Bloody asshole, if you wanna lie, tell a good one or just say that you don't wanna do it. Wasted a few days waiting for her to resend and finally frantically managed to do them before the deadline. As punishment, I didn’t pay her for her earlier work. Wasn’t much either, that idiot.

No time for words

As the title suggests, I haven't got time for words, so here goes only pictures. Actually I don't know why haven't I got time; I'm not working on any particular project except letting people work for me. Damn.

So, the first is a pic snapped at Sentral:

(pic grainy cos I had to zoom in)

Right: WTH was that? Even if you're super slim, that dress is already super short and I believe this is one piece that seriously needs to be worn with leggings. Now, being that short and that fat hurt my eyes' feelings.

Left: Equally weird. You can see behind the bag how short that thing was. I don't know if it's a dress or top+shorts; it's just a 1-piece thingy.

Next are images received in the mail. There are more but only the best gets put up:

"No one wants to steal this piece of shit" Bwahaha!

You mean this guy actually printed a stack of these notes, ready to put them on people's cars?

And the best for last!! A good idea that we all can learn, that is if we are being the culprit of course. Impressed at the guy's brilliance.

Last is a pic of the new boy in my class. Not exactly new but I hadn't seen him from near enough to notice his legs:

Sorry but I think the spotty legs were highly amusing and fascinating. C'mon, how many of these kinda legs have you seen??

Over and out, gonna be another slightly busy day at work, urgh. Gotta increase efficiency.