On CNY's eve..

My 2 ahyees, mum, bro and I went last minute CNY-shopping on new year's eve. Actually we did not intend to shop; we wanted to just walk around after being bored staying in the house. We ended up with a lot of things. Ahyee Rita got a Anna Sui bag, fat ahyee got a Prada, my mum got a Prada too and bro got a Manchester United jersey and a Scorpions T-shirt. We all walked away happy people. From Petaling Street =D I'm the only one who didn't get anything; some bags were nice but I see the same amount of money better spent on a much-gushed-for Cats Whiskers bag. Oh yeah, I got myself an umbrella for RM5. Good for rainy days when I wanna get out of the office. Heck, I'd even run in the rain if it meant going home. Did that before, actually.

Saw a T-shirt at a stall selling catchy Ts in Central Market. Bush was asking Mao Tse Tung: When are your elections? Mao said: Every morning. Haha, somehow it amused me a lot.

I got this bag from Petaling Street too.

Bah kwa these days come in these cloth bags. What amused me was that the string was so long! I expected it to be those short ones that you sling over your shoulder. This has become a sling bag! So you can actully use this bag for tuition or to school, as my ahyee said.

This is the close-up shot:

Waiting for the brave soul who would bring this bag to tuition hahahaa..

Received a lot of CNY greetings this new year. All full of bulls, oxpicious-ness and 'niu' year. Phuan's 'kiong hee huat chai' was amusing! Have never heard that before. Reminds me of the times when I would hear yells of 'huat ah, huat ah!' but I don't remember for what activity. Suspect it's during lou sang, I think so. Usually I'd come up with my own greeting but this year, I'm totally stumped. Thank you dearest friends and colleagues for your greetings and have great New Year ahead with full of money, honey and hua hee!!

The last work day of the Rat Year

Or else, it would be titled ‘I survive another week’ and there would be 52 entries with the same title by year end.

7.50am : ‘Lucky’ started ringing. I was sleeping in the car. Thought Timmy wanted to ask about my modem but as the previous 2 occasions, the ring of Lucky denoted that Timmy is here! He took my modem and left. 10 minutes is really insufficient, especially for a week’s worth.

Oh, he brought me breakfast too. A nasi lemak and curry puffs. So sweet =) He bit the curry puff with such gusto that the flakes broke all over. I think he wanted to demonstrate how yummy they were because I didn’t wanna eat any then, felt like puking. The gusto-bite: Priceless!

8.45am: I ended up with a RM99 monthly Wimax package. More expenses, less connectivity. I wouldn’t mind paying if the connection is good but given my nil options, crap is better than none. Forgive me if I go missing during a conversation or for annoying you tons of times with my signing in and out.

12.30pm: Out for lunch with Syl. I brought my nasi lemak to the mamak shop to teman Sylvia to eat. I found out that she smokes, which is quite surprising cos she looks small and cute. She was stressed and started puffing like a chimney. She said she started social smoking at Form 4 or 5, wow.

1.30pm: Annoyed with myself for bringing up the book home. The book was always in the car to be read during traffic jams. I wanted to return it so that I can borrow the Jeffery Archer book for the hols. And now I got absolutely nothing to read at all except the Anthony Bourdain book which I am not very interested in.

2.30pm: Meeting with FOMs. Got introduced to all of them.

4.45pm: Shaun called. I thought it was weird cos I know he is off already. Turns out he called just to wish me Happy CNY. So sweet.. He asked if I’m ok from being ‘sick’ yesterday and said that BB is very susah wan. I purposely told everyone that Shaun called, cos it was really sweet and so that BB will know that she didn’t get any call.

6.20pm: Left the office after sending the minutes. Dunno why that stupid slob wants to send the minutes at this time on this day on this CNY break. Everyone has left the office and there is only me and her. Pissed. Got back at her for not going to her open house, both of her staff boycotted her.

6.40pm: Asked Mr Tay if there is class tomorrow. He asked to assume that there is none and asked me to just enjoy my holidays. Aww... so I said ok and wished him a happy new year.
He replied: Happy new year young lady!
I said: the way u say that is as if you are an old man. You are not much older than I am!
He said: Laugh.

And I lol. Young lady.. when he’s 32 and I’m 24.

8.00pm: I was so sleepy that I became light-headed and found it hard to keep my balance. This was one of the most tiring tuition classes so far. But it was fun cos I chatted with the kids. (Again)They asked if I am married. I asked them to guess, Dineest said no cos I have no ring. I showed both to them. He said they were not on my ring finger. Hmm..clever kid! Then he asked me to get married so that I can give angpau. Trying to get married in time for CNY which is 2 days’ away is really a hurried decision. But they said that I can untung by giving angpau, whatever that means... and he advised to get a bf, and to get a rich one too.

Hakim said ‘Cikgu pakai rantai love’.

Yazid wiped his face on the wall when I told him that his face is black from the marker pen. Then he grabbed Andrew’s shirt and wiped his face. I dunno which is funnier but I think seeing that kid rubbing his face against the wall is so hilarious. I mean, who would think of the wall when you gotta to wipe your face??

I can stay up to 1.30am on normal days but I’m so dead tired on Fridays. Too tired to savour each moment of Friday but hey, it’s CNY and there are a total of 5 days off! CNY this year seems bleak, I didn’t even get any food items but it’s holiday woot woot!!

Kong Hei Fatt Choy to one and all!

SPM Levels Hokkien Exam Paper

Got this from my ahyee:

Instructions:

1. Read the passage carefully

2. Grade yourself with the grading system at the end of the passage
after reading.

3. Not that difficult, chin chai do lah !

Section A: Orrler Exeminetion (60 marks)

Question:
Singalella why become rich ?

Koo zhar wu chee ay char bor kia, Singalella.

She got two sisters, but the stepmarder and the sisters all damn kuai-lan, so she quite zhia-lat oso.

Last time Singalella got own maid, but now she become the amah.

Everyday must cook lah, clean lah, simi sai mah bao-kah-liao.

If her sister say liak kar zhuak, she liak.

Tak jit zho kah tau-hin.

EPF poon boh.

But then, kay piak eh ah-pek got one son call Ah Ming got party.

So he say, 'oeh, long chong lai ah.'

Singalella very happy because she never go party before but then her
step-marder say, 'Lee Mana eh-sai kee, this one bahru lu eh sisters wu standard.'

Then Singalella must zho sui-sui for her sisters and step-marder.

Tap pai how, buay zhia, buay koon and buay pang-sai.

That night she only can wave bye bye and then she go back to the kitchen and cook Maggi mee.

Her neighbour came over and ask, 'Eh, an-zhua lu boh kee party?'

So Singaalella kong, 'I-wan, lau-bu kong buay-sai, so boh pian.'

She never expect but the neighbour say, 'Aiyah, kee lah, I give you money.'

So singalella brush teef and zhang-zhui, chen-kor, after that look very different.

She quickly run to opposite of the beh-chia-lor, already 11 o'clock.

At the party, Ah Ming also quite sian because the char bor all boh sui one.

Dance floor even got one ah pek dancing.

Just as Ah Ming told himself, 'Aiyah see-pay zhia-lat', Singalella came in.

Ah Ming straight away lau nuar.

'Wah-lau eh, see-pay heng ah, chee kor buay pai.'

Ah Ming say to Singalella, 'eh, sui eh, wah ai kah lee zho flen!'

Singalella say ok but Ah Ming like octopus, touch here touch there.

But then just it was 12 o'clock, one ah pek die on the dance floor.

He become ghost and tell Singalella all the good 4D number.

So after that Singalella quickly go and buy 4D, and then tiok tau-pio, zhit-pak ban.

So she pay back the kay-piak eh lau-kay-poh and then kah kee cho sen-lee.

Simi kuan eh sen-lee wah mana eh zhai.

Section B: Grades - Gauge Your command of Hokkien....

A1. Can understand the story and pronounce Hokkien correctly.
Hokkien eh sai, bo beh zao.

A2. Can understand half story and/or cannot pronounce Hokkien properly.
zhia lat

E8. Don't understand story and/or catch no ball.
leow leow, mai ka lang kong you is Hokkien Lang

F9. Don't understand rating.
kee see lah, wah mana eh zhai lee kong simi?

Wa meng pek, wa ay hiao kua, wa ma gia tiu A1 loh! Chin ay beh pai! Although wa em si Hokkien lang. Si pek kiang!

Now I'm missing my Hokkien-speaking days la =)

The reason why we do things

Timmy said that we need to get married soon so that he can start buying a fridge. I need to have children so that I can dress them up in little Nike shoes and cute dresses.

The reason we start a family is so wrong! Hahaha.

He loves fridges and those he love are so huge that they erm.. look scary and although I keep trying to push the thought outta my head, they look like fridges for another kind. He admitted that we probably won’t have so many things to put inside, yet so fiercely said that he will be using his own money (duh!) to buy whatever fridge and washing machine he likes.

Somehow fridges that are taller than I am, intimidate me. Timmy can even fit in.

So that was what transpired at Harvey Norman when we had nowhere and nothing else to go and do and ended up in there. I had been eating all day; I had a total of 4 meals but when you think of it, the quantity wasn’t a lot. Breakfast was 1 set of toasted bread (there were too many people at dim sum), tea at 2.30pm was fries, twister fries and a choc sundae, tea at 5.30 was roti bawang and dinner at 7.30 was lor mai kai and tau fu fa. Guess this is what happens when you eat at strange times of the day.

Timmy bought 2 CNY shirts and a pair of CNY wipers for City. Basically, everything bought during the CNY season will be deemed CNY stuff, regardless of what it is =D Me, nothing bought, not even clothes. Haven’t gotten oranges yet as well. This year’s CNY foodies are on a very very small scale, if any in fact. Dunno why I haven’t got as much mood as last year’s. Maybe work has indeed clouded everything?

Jason Mraz is coming!!!!

OMG OMG OMG! When I flipped the page and saw that Jason Mraz is coming, I felt dizzy. It's just so hard to believe that the man whose songs I love so much is coming here! March 4th, Studium Negara, here we come!! Stupid thing is that it's on a Wednesday. Whoever organises a concert on a weekday? Asshole. My bro said that the Scorpions concert was on a weekday too.

Good thing that I bought newspapers today! Honestly, I haven't read the news for weeks and have a very vague idea what's happening in Gaza except that we are 'supposed' to boycott McD, Starbucks, Colgate and such =D

Wait ah.. wait ah.. I am still dizzy with excitement even though I messaged Timmy some time ago already..

















Ok, I am recovered already. Now.. are there any tickets that you would like to give me? I did not spend on tickets for the pasgt 3 concerts that I have attended, so erm.. am not used to having to buy tickets :D Maybe there will be some contest later on, just like my Andy Lau's. Ticket Axcess says that the prices are RM258, RM208, RM168, RM138, RM88, RM68. No way for the RM68 and RM88 cos I'll only be hearing him which was what I have been doing everyday at home. RM258 and RM138 ones are standing; why should I stand for that price! So guess that leaves RM208 or RM168..hmm.. discounts are only for some Visa card that I don't have and by the time I saw the ad, it was past the early bird sale in Sg Wang already.

There's still time.. we'll see.. if there is any way to catch hold of free tix =)

Phew.. so excited la. I told Timmy that I wanna give him a Datukship on that day and fling undies at him =D And then I wanna sing 'They don't know how long it takes.. waiting for a love like this..' loud loud! OMG, gives me goosebumps!

In the mean time, due to not reading the news, I found out that the Star Education Fair was just last weekend. I should have searched it knowing very well that I wanna go and it would be some time this month. So angry with myself and felt like a failure. What other fairs can I bring my bro to? The next one is next year in Jan and it's too late already.

So many things to do, but so little time. Office work, tuition, lesson preparation and UPSR questions. Bro's Add Math guidance has taken a backseat as well. After work, it's tuition. After tuition, it's dinner, bath and sleep. When will the office work, lesson preparation and UPSR questions even get done?

So what's new?

Internet
Getting crappier by day. It was ok for the 1st few days, and then it takes half an hour to get connected and then I go on and off every now and then. The next solution is Izzi, not sure how will it work. But one marvellous thing today that it was super good! (because this draft was written in the afternoon and it heard that Izzi is next, so it bucked up). I managed to upload a pic to Facebook, download Skype, download Live Messenger (the BM version, moron), winrar, Adobe Reader and we managed to watch Youtube without any tersekat-ness. So marvellous right?

Facebook
Since I have Internet now, thought that I might as well have an account since there isn't many things to do online. Wanna catch up with ex-colleagues as well. Then I wonder what Facebook is for. Not interested to see what are people doing on their FB account. Prefer my blog anytime. Maybe I have yet to discover FB's full offerings but it currently seems to me like a collection of friends to show how 'friendly' you are =D

Gossip
My kakak at my ex-company told me that Fida got fired for embezzling company's funds. This lady is known for being financially tight; she has borrowed money from everyone in the office including the bosses. I'm surprised and not surprised. Surprised that she had gone to that level and not surprised cos a handphone had been missing before with only her in the office. Just thought that financial problems are brought upon by yourselves. Whatever amount you make will never be enough for you, as wants and needs increase in proportion to earnings. Everything that befalls you is also brought upon by yourself. Just like my work, tuition and stuff-all those unhappiness and tiredness is also brought upon by myself, isn't it? Hai..

The mystery of the disappearing money
RM50 notes seem to keep disappearing from my purse. I thought I saw there were at least 2 of them, and suddenly I was at the counter buying books for the kids when I saw there was less than 10 bucks in there.

Again another day, I thought I had at least a hundred bucks. And then the stupid colleagues wanted to go to a swanky Japanese restaurant in USJ15 but wanted to order the cheapest item on the menu. If TM hadn't decided to give us all a treat that day, I wouldn't have enough for the RM22 Teriyaki Chicken set.

Why do those stupid people wanna go there yet are not willing to spend?
Why do we have to eat expensive lunch?
Why does Japanese food cost so much for just rice, chicken and salty soup?

But the problem here is the reluctance to indulge when with people whose company I don't enjoy cos they are associated with work. I will willingly spend that money on food if with Tim or family, but not on Jap of course. There are far more yummier things than rice and noodles, like crabs, chicken chop, fish and chips and Friday's Shrimp! =)

The Nanny
I was watching this episode that day and laughed my head off. Ms Babcock was setting the table for a romantic candlelight dinner with Mr Sheffield when Niles came in from behind, whispered and turned off the light. Of course Babcock thought it was Sheffield. This sampat Niles slid up behind her and blew on her neck. That Babcock was thrilled to bits and said that she would do anything he wants her to.

Niles then asked her to cluck like a chicken. Babcock was like "What??" but he said that it turns him on. So Babcock went "pak pakpakpakpak pak pakpakpak" flapping her arms. It was hilarious! But I think the better part was when she turned around and found herself staring at Niles! Love that show so much, always LOL.

YM-ing with James
James was the only one online at 12 on Friday night. I asked why isn't he sleeping, he said he is reading. I asked what is he reading, the Bible? Turned out that he really is reading the Bible hahaha. He just had his Bible study class earlier on.

Sanitary pads and slippers
I didn't know that bedroom slippers made from sanitary pads are so popular. Looking at my Fidgets, almost all the readers came from Googling sanitary pads+slippers. What's about it! And it's interesting to know too what led people to the blog and who they were searching for..

Manicure and pedicure
I have never spoke to Ms Chua, the other teacher in Mr Tay's place. She is about 19 and we just talk to each other when we want marker pens or such. But today we were chatting a bit and she asked if I wanna join her for a manicure and pedicure session. It seemed that suddenly we are girly girl pals =D I started to think about my feet. My toe turned black cos it was stomped on but the nail has finally gone after about 5 months? My nail polish that was used to camouflage the purple nail is half gone. Basically, let's just say my feet aren't my priority, not even my hands =) But need a facial soon.

H+ + OH- = H20
I was chatting with Wei Chern and I posted the formula above, the only thing I remember from my chemistry days.
mathsheadache@yahoo.com H+OH=H20
mathsheadache@yahoo.com :D
wchern speaks! 2H
mathsheadache@yahoo.com h20 la, dun bluff me
wchern speaks! sorry wrong
wchern speaks! hahah
mathsheadache@yahoo.com hahahahha
mathsheadache@yahoo.com =))
wchern speaks! i blur . cause today i study on electroanalytical chem
mathsheadache@yahoo.com beh tahan u!!
mathsheadache@yahoo.com now i scared already
mathsheadache@yahoo.com HAHAHAHAHAA
wchern speaks! wah your chem not bad wo

Adoi, this is basic chem. This fella is doing his Masters in Chem ahhahaha... I LOL so hard, think that was the loudest LOL from chatting with someone online! I LOL and LOL and LOL and told my mum too.

I did a lot today..
Sent bro to school, went to the morning market with mum, went to tuition, picked bro from school, bought books for tuition kids and enquired about driving license fees while waiting for bro (lessons and fees come to RM1.5k these days!) and went to JJ. 1thing's not done: Office work. Monthly report, IOC and vlookup. Now I am afraid cos there is no time tomorrow.

Last but not least..
I want twins!! A lot of people seem to be having twins lately, especially celebrities. Suspect they are not naturally 'made'. I dunno if I would choose to have them artificially made but later I'll think of it la. I think I wanna have 1 boy and twin girls, then full stop! My cute family together with hamsters (+maid to take care of the hamsters).

I survived another week

OMG, is there gonna be a 'I survived another week' post every week? Survival of a week is very joyful to us here at Toyota. Maybe only to BB's team, I dunno.

I am just unfortunate that I have a boss who..

a. has stupid ideas.

I don't give a damn if she keeps her stupid ideas to herself but her stupid ideas waste our time preparing proposals and simulation only for them to be shot down by higher management. Having our outlets' staff put their hand across their chests and bow is downright a stupid idea. Thank God it was shot down, and thank God further that I am not the one preaching this stupid idea to the outlets.

b. has poor time management and management skills

I dunno which of her skills are stupid (or maybe she has none at all) that makes her makes us do things at the last minute. Sylvia said that her own work isn't done, which is why she doesn't look at ours. When she does, it is already so late and it is the norm to be still working on reports 2 hours before a meeting. Which is why she is the only person who has to occasionally skip lunch and the unfortunate us have to do it as well.

c. has a stupid personality

She doesn't give you amendments once and for all. I have been working on just 1 paper for the past 2 days, doing amendments over and over again.

I just felt so drained today. After all the calculations, simulations and tons of sorting and vlookups, I was really drained and demotivated to have to change things over again. It is not just a simple change; so much work has to be done. And getting her approval is bad enough, hopefully it doesn't shot down by superiors later on. Syl's proposal died today too and BB had the cheek to say that she pities her.

My past 3 reports at council meetings were not even presented. BB isn't in a position yet to know what higher management wants. I expect that when she approves my stuff, it means that I am doing the right thing. Heck, she even touched up on the report formatting. And Fiona had the cheek to tell everyone that it was my 1st time doing reports, when she, BB and the GM themselves had approved it.

Just so tired and disappointed to have your work, done over and over again, go down the drain.

Let me tell you a classic story: BB asked "Why don't you call the customer to find out what promotion was offered to them?" But when I did, she said "Well, I didn't ask you to call the customer. You called, you take the responsibility". I did not misunderstand nor heard wrongly, for Sylvia told me days later that she heard it too.

Another classic story: I gave her a letter for approval. Returned with amendments. Changed it and got Khai to print it out. Returned with amendments again. Changed and Khai printed it again. Finally she said that she doesn't need this letter at the moment. When the time comes, more amendments will have to be made to the date, reference number and figures. Khai said fuck her la.

d. no respect for her staff

Every human needs to be treated with dignity. We are in the corporate world, there is no need to be rude and sarcastic. There really is a problem with her when her staff starts referring to her as "gemok", "bengong", "bloody bitch", "1st class bitch" and "motherfucker".

She shouts when she is actually in the wrong. Once, she insisted she is right, and trying to argue with me, she opened the file and said "You see!" and immediately shut up cos she saw that it was her mistake.

She said that I had busted our budget. I wasn't sure what was her exact amount but I knew that mine was lower than her proposal. If only I had the exact figure on my fingertips, I would have answered her there and then. My 21k busted the budget. Hers was 31k. An extra expenditure of 40k per annum. No wonder Fiona said she is bad at budgeting. And I didn't even know what the allocated budget was but she definitely did. I thought of reminding her what was her figure after I got it, but decided not to pursue the matter.

I don't give in to her anymore. I say what's on my mind and speak up if I think if I am wrongly accused of something, knowing how well how fickle-minded she is (in Syl's words). I don't bother being polite anymore. After all, she was the one who said that we should question things. Today, she said "Did your mother tell you that you like to 'pok chui'" (lawan cakap). Serves her right.

It is very lowly for one to ask people to greet her. If you are well-liked and respected, people would naturally say hello in the morning. Instead, her BIG presence is met with groans. And if no one wants to greet, this buffalo woman actually asked to be greeted. No words to describe her.

e. is plain stupid

She works hard, not smart. Fiona her boss told me not to check each data one by one as it is well, stupid work. Hafiz laughed and said that my work will never be done if I were to check thousands of forms, that a sample size is good enough. He then told his boss the stupid things that my boss asks me to do. I have a feeling that she is all out to get me, for the only 2 occasions that I asked my Admin Asst (AA) to help out, she insists that I do it myself. Those were stupid work like calling hundreds of people to ask them if they can log in or where their cars are at. You don't need an exec to do this and it is not my task to contact customers directly as well.

She approved a report and then asked why didn't I question it. When I question things, of course she is unhappy and said "Just do it" (which was checking thousands of forms when someone has already done). Don't you think she is out to get me? I must reiterate that this is too petty for an exec's job and I don't even want my AAs to do this kinda work as well. It's just not productive. The AAs are doing too much hard work that they are so burnt out.

Back from tuition and ready to call it a week. But not really until I finish the tuition classes tomorrow. Hai.. when I am just about to think that I can sleep late cos I can sleep in tomorrow, nope I still have to drag myself out of bed. Tired tired tired, both physically and emotionally.

Emotionally: Having to pretend to stay late at work when I really can't. Let's not go into why we should stay late cos I'm too tired to debate at this time of the night. Sometimes there is really work to be done but when we don't enjoy being in the office, Syl and I are just dying to get out safely from the building, into the safe confines of our cars. Having to pretend to stay while worrying that I'm gonna be late for tuition is just well.. pretty stressful. Rushing for time is stressful, sleeping at night worrying about work and seeing visions of Excel sheets in my sleep is really wearing me out.

I'VE GOT INTERNET AT HOME!!

I'VE GOT INTERNET AT HOME!!
I'VE GOT INTERNET AT HOME!!
I'VE GOT INTERNET AT HOME!!

You don't know how difficult it has been, to get this bloody Internet.

1st: Having no Internet at work sucks and fucks big time. No chatting, no blogging, no banking, no checking emails, no submitting part-time work, no reading the news.. It's very difficult when you can't do things you want to do. The worse is not blogging and not chatting; having an overload of things in my head and not being able to speak to your boyfriend miles away was just too much and too lonely to bear.

So off I go to the PC fair for a laptop and Internet application. This was 14 Dec if I'm not mistaken. Signed up for Streamyx and was promised that the phone line application and whatever application would be done within a week. Ok, I've endured a month, just stay cool, really cool, and a week will pass without realising it.

1 week, 2 weeks.. still nothing. Called 100, the TM number but waited a long time and finally got disconnected. Assholes. Can't call that often from the office as well. Finally I called my contact person and guess what? No more phone ports or whatever ports left for my phone line. Which translates into NO.STREAMYX.

Then what else?? Wimax or Maxis Broadband??

Kinda surrendered already. Tired of anticipation, rejection and disapointment already.

After some time, I picked up strength and hope, and called the Wimax number Timmy gave. He also can't tahan already, misses me (thank god for that) and gave me 2 numbers to call. Called after a few days, only to be told that my lorong is on the border of the coverage area, but can give it a try.

What kinda area do I live in??

It's not good for a girl to be disappointed over and over again.

But I've got no other options. Maxis seems to really suck based on those forum discussions. So yesterday, after putting off collecting the modem from JJ for trial, Timmy and I went to get it. After pakthoring for a few hours, I plugged the modem in and there was nothing for the whole night. Despite being used to rejection, there was still a little glimmer of hope that life cannot be playing that many tricks on me right?

Was it not activated yet? Or the modem was too far from the window (I couldn't find the extension cord in the store and there is only 1 plug point in my hall)? Or is there NO coverage at all???

So bloody annoyed, I went to sleep.

And woke up this morning and gave it a shot again. Since no one was up yet, I could turn off the tv, use that plug point, let the wires and cables run all over the hall and sofas, and waited and waited. After a long time, the signal came on saying that the strength is "weak". So there is coverage after all! Not satisfied, I adjusted it and it started 'bringing up the wireless link' all over again for a good one hour.

And I got a "Good" strength!! YM signed in immediately and the pop up saying that I have 2 new mails ..well..popped up right after that too!! That was the most pleasing sight that indicated civilisation in my deprived humanhood. <-- whatever this sentence means

So for now..

I'VE GOT INTERNET!! Thanks to P1 Wimax. Else I would have to pay RM50 just for trial cos that is the activation fee. I would smash the modem to the floor if I had to pay RM50 just to find out that there was no coverage, as what I wanted to do last night.

We could have grabbed cash in the vault had we signed up for Wimax at the PC fair. Asshole Streamys. There was an uncle stuffing money into his shirt. There would definitely be more gifts and promotions too, and all I got for signing up for Streamyx was a mousepad.

As for now, wires and cables are running everywhere, the modem is balanced on 2 dictionaries by the window and connection is on and off cos I moved the modem a few inches from the original position earlier. Will make do for now!

Congratulations to myself!! I might be a bit happier now!

I survived another week

The much awaited weekend has finally arrived. I sort of can’t believe that I made it, that something impossible is finally here. It was a long arduous week, both mentally and physically. Mental fatigue will wear you out faster than the physical one. I failed again, I failed to abstain. I should have been practising and bracing myself but I was just too fragile emotionally. Short-lived happiness was better than none at all.

How can one feel so emotional til wanna puke?

I have started to drive whole-heartedly. Whole-heartedly as in driving with my heart and mind on the road. 1 hit and 1 near-hit in 2 days made me realise that I gotta do something. I hadn’t hit anyone since the days that I worked in Jusco when JC had to come to my rescue, checking my car and settling things with the asshole who furiously pounded my window asking me to get out. It was stupid, and it will be even more stupid to hit someone after driving for 7 years. My mind wasn’t 100% on the road, the near-hit wasn’t my fault, but might have been prevented if my mind wasn’t so cluttered. The screech that my bro heard when he was IN the school compound was MINE. It was that loud and the loudest I have ever done.

Sometimes I think that everything started because I joined Toyota.. Phil Chang’s song singing Jiu Shi Ni De Zhuo (It’s all your fault) runs in my head, but to the amended Jiu Shi Wo De Zhuo. And while I was writing this, a song was playing called Wo De Xin Tai Luan (My heart is too messy), written by the person who wrote Huang Hun. There was a line saying that ‘my heart is too messy til I can’t cry out anymore’. But the stupid CD sangkut at this song instead. Suddenly feeling sentimental and now I understand why some people like to listen to Mandarin songs; the lyrics are erm.. kinda feely. Btw, not sure if the title of the songs are correct.

Suddenly missing some of the songs that I’ve heard play over and over again. And turns out that this CD has a lot of nice songs that I never knew was inside =)

I think as long as you listen to English songs as well, then you pass the yeh test =D

I dunno why I always choose to speak Mandarin, the dialect that I can speak least. Just found it easier to get the tone compared to Cantonese which is still off-key despite speaking it religiously for 5 years.

Anyway..

There aren’t enough hours in a day. After work, there is office work to be done, tuition classes to teach, lessons to prepare and UPSR questions to do. Undertaking Science classes mean that I have to read up, unlike English or Maths that I can just teach on the spot. Well, guess money is not easy to earn. Work 5 days a week, tuition 4 nights a week and some asshole want me to do tkd both days on weekends. What makes this person more assholic is that he says he will call me to pay me my salary. No call until he wants to order me to teach. Then feeling guilty, he says he wanna meet some time to pass me my pay. Nothing again, and the next call is to again ask me to teach some class. Shitty man. Shows what kinda personality he has. Don’t forget that you owe me money before ordering me to teach more classes.

Tired tired tired.. dunno why my day job wears me out so much and I haven’t even started much tuition yet.

But there seem to be a lot of time if there is no activity for the night. I came home, had a nap, had dinner and it’s only 9pm! There is still a lot of time to play around on the laptop.

In comparison, Mr Tay said that I can give personal tuition using his centre. As in something like home tuition but I do it at his place. He only wants RM5 out of my earnings for electricity. How nice can a man be? How nice can a man be? He himself is in the tuition line, and me taking up 1 of his classes will mean he has 1 room less and many business opportunities less as well. Hearing him say this touched me to near-tears. (I am in teary mode these days). I just feel so blessed to know this man and.. he’s just a really good guy. He called me that day, just to tell me that he’s back from overseas and available if I wanted to talk knowing how troubled I am. I will not let him down and teach those kids with the very best I can. He asked me to come over for a BBQ at his place this weekend as well. Yum yum, haven’t had a BBQ for ages.

Btw, is it a wise idea to take relationships and marriage advice from someone whose marriage failed? I don’t think so.

The people at Toyota are so cold that when I find someone who actually explains things to you without making you feel that you require a big favour from them, makes me feel so aww.. There is this guy, who asks to be called TC, who despites having to provide me data, starts things with ‘Good morning’ and ends it with ‘Have a nice weekend’. It scared me! Only the person requiring the favour would usually do this. I haven’t even met him. There is another girl who wasn’t that sugary but she took time to explain things to me too. No worries though, I am adapting and not going to be so kind to anyone who asks for my time. Things here are that hectic; everyone has to watch their own stuff rather than entertaining anyone else.

Everyone everywhere is saying that we should cut expenses etc. I don’t feel like it, don’t feel like depriving myself of the little indulgences that I think I fairly deserve for my hard work. As shallow as it seem, to binge-shop, it is not really shopping but rather not thinking twice whenever I wanna buy an item here or 2. I mean like, I don’t want to have the worrying feeling seeing my grocery trolley pile with unnecessary things.

Wasn’t initially looking forward to CNY but seeing my mum buy foodstuff that day gave me a little mood. There were already beer and drinks promoters at Tesco. One of them asked if we wanna buy shandy. As we walked off, my mum said “We don’t drink shandy, we’re Christians.” I found it so hilarious that I still lol as I wrote this.

2 more weeks to CNY. OMG, it’s that near! Not particularly enthusiastic about CNY but looking forward to the hols! After that, it’s Thaipusam! And then it’s back to reality but let’s not delve into there yet.

Back to fucking reality

Tomorrow denotes the fucking day back to reality.

School starts.
The fucking jam starts.
The fucking jam up the MPK slope starts.
No more holidays.
No more days when the fucking BB will be away.
Tuition starts.
Tkd starts.
Real work and work and work.
No more rest and totally back to work.

What the fuck. Can life get any fuckier?

Gaming tips =)

My ex-company’s Toshiba laptop said that the wrong CD is inserted after I had installed Outrun Coast to Coast. 1 year later, my Acer says the same thing too. I tried GTA San Andreas, same thing. So I know it’s not the laptop nor the game, it’s the whole ideology.

Timmy said that the game has to be cracked after installation. OH!! OHH!! (x2, one for 2008 and one for 2009) How would I know? My games have never needed to be cracked.

“The crack is inside the CD. You are 10% away from the game. You should be able to install it problem (this is Timmy’s msg, not sure what it means!)”

What is crack? How to crack?!

The laptop will crack when I hurl in to the wall. Deprivation, frustration and accumulated anticipation quite tempted the animal out of me. I endured the drive home, decided to install it despite being utterly sleepy, the installation took ages (to me) and not being able to play it again?? But let’s just say that I anger easily these days =)

So, how to really crack?

Let me share my new (self) found knowledge:

1. Install the game.
Ok, let’s not assume people know how to install a game. Put the CD into the drive and the InstallShield will pop up automatically. Just agree to the terms and conditions and click ‘next’ all the way til the end.

2. Open the Crack folder in the CD. Copy the Application type of file(s).
Ignore all the other files. In the case of Outrun, ignore the Unlocker folder, Save Game folder, cheatcode.rar, reloaded, rld-oc2c.rar, unleashed, Unlocker\unleashed, Unlocker\u-o6c2cu.rar, Save Game\common.dat and Save Game\license.dat.

3. Paste that Application file types into the destination where the game was installed. Replace any existing file with the same name.
It will be in the C drive, if you had selected ‘next next next’ in Step 1 above where the default destination is C drive. In the case of Outrun, paste it in C:\Program Files\Sega\OutRun2006 Coast 2 Coast. Sometimes it’s just in C and not in the Program Files. And you need to know what the folder is called. In this case, it’s Sega. Search for an Outrun folder and you will never find it. GTA’s is Rockstar Games and Evolution GT’s is Black Bean.

Why do they ever give such names that are not related to the game’s? =(

4. Play the game!


Next.. how to drift..

“Turn and tap the brake. Very fast tapping and release while turning will drift.”

Question: Where is the brake??

Justification to Timmy and the others who might think I’m a moron: Not all games use the ‘down’ key as brakes. Evolution GT uses A to accelerate, B to brake and the comma and fullstop keys as direction manoeuvre. But let’s just say that I have never, in my life, use the brakes when I play race games, be it at the arcade or on the PC. I’d rather ram the wall or anything else.

Oh yeah, so the brake is the ‘down’ key. “And while you’re drifting, you have to control your steering.” Don’t really understand. Yeah I managed to drift and collect hearts but how can I accelerate while tapping the brakes? I mean, it’s either you accelerate OR tap on the brakes. So, if I choose to drift, the car comes to a stop la =D *scratching head, no understand*

And I must say that when I play Outrun, the girlfriend’s task that I do best (before finding out how to drift) is to ‘hit the cars’. Which shows that I am good at hitting cars and should be thankful that people have created a game whose motive is not to avoid cars, but to hit them. Sicko!

I got at least an A for each task but the final rating is D. How can that be? Cheating us players la.

I can soon have a technical blog like Timmy too, named “Technology for Dum Dums”. Watch this space for more techie revelations!

30/12/2008

It was a truly happy day. Timmy turned up at my office in the morning to see me. It wasn’t the 1st time but that didn’t count cos he was in the vicinity. But this was special as he came especially from KL to Shah Alam in the morning rush hour just so he could see me for about 15 minutes. It reminded me of the time, the courting days, when I told him I had to rush off from work, but he purposely left his office early so that he could hand me some chocs and watch me walk from the building to the car. Was the really my Timmy ah? =) It was strange as when there was a lot of time during a long weekend, he is not one that wants to see me.

Unfortunately, I was so sad that morning (and every other morning) that I burst into tears immediately. I am very emotional in the mornings, tears are at the very tip of my eyes and I’ll cry instantly at any prompt. It was because that you finally get to see someone you miss so badly, that you can’t help by cry? It was because finally you see someone who is dear, familiar and one to comfort you and call you bendan, that you can’t hold it any longer?

Timmy is one that can make me laugh, as well as make me mad, when I cry. Actually I do think I cry and laugh a lot at the same time; I’ve got a gift for it. I think I was laughing amidst tears when we thought someone was going to double park even when the lot was still empty. (due to lack of parking spaces, we at Toyota have double parking lots drawn). And I got a hug. It’s not easy to get a hug and I already know how to get one: By crying =D That’s how deprived I am, I need to cry to be loved =D If you see someone crying in the Toyota carpark, that’s me =)

I always fantasized the day when my boyfriend turned up one morning. I know that when a phone call comes in the morning, he is there already =)

It made my day. It did feel strange finally seeing someone you been missing so much. It’s like something you wish for is finally in front of your eyes and you can’t believe it.

To quit or not to quit?

One lasted 3 months. One lasted 4 months. One lasted 3 years, always cried and finally transferred to another division. Another lasted 3 years too, cried too and wants to transfer out but not approved.

How long will I last?

At least I should break the 3 month barrier. After that, I should reach the 4 month barrier. And then it’s too far to go. Or maybe if the bonus that I am staying for isn’t satisfactory, then I’d go. Somehow have a feeling that the only reason why I’m staying, isn’t going to be good too cos it’s all in BB’s hands. And she ruined Nora’s bonus, she doesn’t like her yet don’t want to approve her transfer.

Who is this bloody woman who makes people cry and quit? Who the hell is she, so grand? I wanna fight her back, and I wanna rise for all to see in the TQE council where the deputy chairman, MD and all the heads from all divisions will be.

This is only because it is at the end of the day and it seems ok after all. Wait til next morning. If pregnant woman have morning sickness, I have morning depression that lasts til after lunch and then gradually fade.

Mr Tay said that not every job will suit you. You are now dying to get out. Is the pay good? (No) You have some savings right? The economy is not bad for all. Have some confidence in yourself. When you’re happy, things are good as well. You can teach classes etc. (Yes I agree. I’ll be a happier teacher and a fun-ner girlfriend). Keep quiet and first see what you can find during the Christmas break. Start the year anew, after Chinese New Year. New year, new start. If you’re not comfortable, leave. I don’t know you well but you’re a soft-hearted person and you’ll never be able to fight her. It won’t look good on your resume but unless you change jobs very often, then I would advise you against it.

Peter said if you’re not happy, go. And you’re good in English and tkd, should be no problem for you.

Alin said that it’s the boss. The company is good but it’s the boss. Yes I know that. People here don’t leave the company, they just leave the division and the bloody boss.

It’s happy to know that someone acknowledges that it is a problem. That someone even listens.

I can fight, but it’s just that why should I? Why should I choose unhappiness?

What is it that holds me back again? The bonus? That is a whole year away and I was so determined to throw in my resignation right after Christmas. A 24 hour notice couldn’t be so sweet. What’s it about the bonus and pay again? The pay is the least among those that I was offered and banks offer the same bonus too. But banks are supposedly not doing too well now. But so is Toyota who recorded their 1st loss since the 1940s, but it doesn’t affect us, but maybe bonus-wise.

It’s gonna get sabo-ed anyway.

Heck, they should give me at least 1.5 person’s pay since I am doing 2 people’s work. Both execs have run away.

And finally someone new is coming in. Same thing as well, nothing less on my plate. Instead of saying that I’ve got a lot on my plate and asking how’s my workload, don’t bug me la! I dunno what is this new exec going to do other than planning one annual convention for the whole of the year. And maybe she can take over some of the shit we all been getting.

I don’t mind a lot of work, it makes me feel important. But just don’t disturb me psychologically.

What’s holding me back again? The fear of being broke. I confidently say that I can survive. Actually I really do. My part time income is three-quarters my pay. But I’m just afraid; I got a family to feed. I don’t like to having to think of money whenever I want to buy or eat something. It’s long past that stage. But it actually won’t be just that three-quarter pay alone, cos I can find a part-time job waiting tables at Jusco. I just think it’s a good change to do something different for a while.

Maybe I’ll leave after I finish all the books in the resource centre. Reading all those books that I don’t want to buy, is probably the only interest I have in the building.

What’s holding me back again? The fear of regret someday on, as now itself I occasionally ask myself “What’s the big hype again?” Of course, that’s when things are ok at almost at the end of the day, or when a public holiday is looming. I also fear to be a coward. I don’t want to give the satisfaction to BB. But actually, I’d think she’ll be so dissatisfied that she’ll have to do all the work by herself hahahaha.

Ok, now I wanna have that satisfaction! I’ll leave right before a major meeting and she can start her report from scratch the day before, as how she always make me do.

I do fight her back now. She’s got this habit of looking at you and ‘huh??’ as if you’re saying something stupid whenever you speak. Now I just raise my voice and make her be the stupid one instead who is deaf and doesn’t understand. I just have to speak confidently, that’s all. These are all tactics to break you, I believe. It does.

I wanna stand tall and say that I work for that company everytime I see it somewhere. Heck, it’s almost everywhere. It’s always on tv during some football show that my bro always watches cos it’s a sponsor. But all I do now is shudder everytime I go near the Toyota showroom in Bukit Tinggi. The logo reminds me of unhappiness.

I want to be strong, I can be strong but I want to be happy.
It’s no fun getting at each other’s throats everyday. It’s not fun thinking about dreadful Monday morning. It’s no fun thinking about the number of days in a week: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. And the weekends are spent worrying about the coming Monday. It’s depressing when I arrive at 7.30am and a long til Timmy comes online at 9. The whole everything is depressing; the empty carpark, the Milo, the lunch time. It’s bad, it’s not getting any better. In fact it’s getting worse cos if before I cry before going to work, now I cry both before and after work.

What am I going to do now?

Parasitism

“Parasitism isn’t natural to Homo Sapiens or to any species of mammal.” -a quote in Dean Koontz’s The Husband-

When I read this line, immediately one person comes to mind.

I thought that when you think of Lee Sue Ann, you think of a sign that is plastered across her face screaming “Think what you can get out of her!” But apparently to this parasite, everyone has this sign plastered across their foreheads too. It’s sickening that after a long absence and a current short presence, you persist to leech onto people. It is revolting that after a long time of absence, the first thing that comes out of your mouth is for a parasitic relationship. And you do have some other platform but I dunno if you are plain cheap, lazy or just crave for parasitism. Have parasites no dignity in them, no face at all that they stoop so low to ask even though they don’t need it at all? I think it’s all in the genes.

I can’t believe that this parasite deserves a whole post. But maybe she does because she is truly one of a kind, I have not and will probably not meet another parasite like this.

2009 resolutions

I confess that I have 2 problems:
a. A strong urge to go somewhere on weekends or any holiday
b. Binge eating

I just cannot be at home during the weekends. It is terribly boring and I get fidgety and restless. I dunno if it’s due to wanting to celebrate the great marvellous weekend or is it that I never had a day off for some time, so it’s a terrible waste to just sit at home when I finally have a whole day free. The problem is, where to and with who? I have a boring family that despite saying that scolding me that they are bored, they don’t wanna go anywhere. Ask them if they wanna watch a movie and they don’t want to. Why would anyone resist a 3D movie? Why would anyone not want to go out for lunch but instead eat nothing at home?

I just want to celebrate the weekend after a whole fucking week’s work! Why is it so difficult to go out like the billions of people at the mall or anywhere else? There are tons of people at Station 1 and here I am sitting at home on a Saturday night.

i.just.need.to.go.somewhere. I.really.desperately.do.

The problem is that the people I am fond of, do not have the mutual feeling. And those who are persistent and available, I just can’t tolerate them. Have 3 people in mind right now but thank god, they have got the message and have ceased to ask.

Resolution #1: Increase networking. It’s just good to not be disappointed by the same people over and over again.

Binge eating is what happens when I am unhappy. I feel that eating my favourite food gives me a wee bit of happiness and also that I need a reward for all the hard work. This, I have taken after my father, according to my mother. Unfortunately, I have no resolution for this as chocs and good food is one of the few things that I would not compromise on cos I don’t like having a thought at the back of my head telling me I shouldn’t eat this and that for all the money that I’ve earned.

I’ve become pretty emotional lately. Reading Man and Boy made me think of my father and I cried. Reading The Husband gave me the fear of losing a loved one. Watching Titanic made me feel that love is the most beautiful thing in the world. “My Heart Will Go On” was once the most overrated song but when paired with the scenes, it made me think what a girlfriend I had been.

Is it that I think a lot lately, causing this rush of emotions?

Mr Tay asked why was I being so emotional, crying of dread to go to work. He was surprised cos he always said that I was a strong, hardworking young girl who worked hard to support her family. I think it really made him realise that it wasn’t a case of emotions but rather a real problem on hand.

I’d like to think that I wasn’t this weak. Is being emo actually weak? Hooi Leng’s words from 6 years ago continue to ring in my head: “Before you had a boyfriend, you weren’t this hampau”. I justified that now I have someone to love and comfort me. I don’t have to be stoic and be the brave one anymore. I remember when I returned to school a week after daddy passed away, I stubbornly wanted to resume prefect duties although I was given off until I was ready. I remember the then head prefect, Ming Luan, speaking to me as soon as I arrived for briefing. I remember pushing Debbie off when she wanted to give me a comforting hug. I didn’t want any sympathy and did not need any.

But if it were to happen now, I don’t think I would have that strength. I would crumble and become a recluse. Maybe it was because I did not allow myself to grieve all these years, to protect myself from the unhappiness. That is why I still cry at any mere thought of him. Is it normal to be missing him, or had I never really accepted the loss? God, it’s already been 8 years.

I had protected myself from unhappiness, and I shall continue to do so.

Resolution #2: To eliminate all unhappiness, one by one.

I’m trying to fill my time with as many things possible to keep me occupied but I’m not sure if I want to teach kids when all I want to do is to curl up in bed.

Resolution #3: To further reduce dependency for an ear and emotional and physical support.

Resolution #4: To not complain anymore and to keep my mouth shut.

For resolution #3 and #4, that’s what blogs are for. But the bloody problem is that I have no Internet despite more than 2 weeks after signing up, and now they say my area is not covered. Imagine that you are spilling with things to say, 2 months’ worth of things to say, unhappiness to spill, events to unfold. Bursting out of your seams and you just need to get rid of some to clear your head and chest. People talk and share every day. People blog every few days. Now you know how it is like? Told you I’m not psycho.