Quickies

Currently listening to: Crush by David Archuleta. The title is a little premature cos at this age we are not into crushes anymore but it’s got one of the most marvelous tunes. If the lyrics was changed, it could be a very beautiful love song.

Funky names
I still remember reading a list of names on a notice board in uni. There was this girl’s name (something) a/k Nemo. Here in Toyota, I found a few more too. Not Nemos la, but some other kinds.

a. (something) A/L Baby Mutusamy
b. (something) S/O Bully Babu
c. Aniu Chan (something something)

Dui mian de nu hai kan guo lai, kan guo lai, kan guo lai.. (remembering Sofi singing this song!)

Hello, it’s not Aniu days already la! How can you give yourself an English name Ah-Cow? Ohh.. Ah Kau. I understooded dy hahahahaha.

And oh yeah, I was flipping thru the baby names book in the library (don’t ask me why) and I came across Nemo and Nando. So Nemo IS legal after all. As Yin said, one chicken and one fish =D

And of course I looked for Nigel and Nelson. Nigel means dark :I Tall, dark and handsome right? And Nelson means ‘son of Neil’, whoever Neil is. And Timmy said he must be Neil then.

Nuada and Nuala still sound cool, from Hellboy =) =)

Brother
I underestimated my bro when I thought his new interest, Krystal Meyers, is someone like Hannah Montana, judging from the name. She turned out to be singing Christian rock. I should have known that my bro isn’t the usual pop kinda guy; he listens to weird music. So I ripped his cd and am now listening to it =) Haven’t heard the whole thing yet to give my verdict but I’m impressed. And further impressed when he said he needs more songs about God saving us =)

Toilet paper
WTF that the price of toilet papers increased 2 bucks in Tesco?? Isn’t the price of things supposed to go down? But nope, it went up 2 bucks!! I would already be cursing if it had gone up 50sen. Smart people they are, they know we can’t live without pang sai chua.

Really good ones!
I was with the lunch gang and there’s this girl that I quite like, LTM. Quite kind but that day, she was a bit blur.

We were talking about Ben 10 and some time later, she wanna join the conversation and said that it’s Ben Tan. Immediately it reminded me of Timmy calling people (including myself) ben dan! Imagine a cartoon called Ben Tan? No parent would allow their kids to watch that.

Next one is by LTM too.
Me : How do you renew books from the library? Can renew online right?
Nicki: Not sure, long time didn’t access dy.
LTM: (whispers to me) Long time didn’t have sex?

Yes, it really sounded like it!! Never laughed so hard in Toyota before.

Criteria for hubby:
To be husband of Lee Sue Ann, he shall be one who makes:
a. knows how to make (good) bergedil
b. knows how to fry cempedak
c. knows how to make fried sotong rings

I think basically knows how to cook la hahaha. Have a craving for sotong rings since my mum started to be into sotong. But if dunno how to cook, it’s ok too. Bergedil, cempedak and sotong rings can all be bought! So just need to have lots of money, cos Friday’s Shrimp can never be made =)

(in yau kooi mode now. Had a craving list drafted but don’t feel wanna eat those now)

Choose your company wisely
What is it about some companies that makes ‘sin’ seems fine just because they err.. produce ‘sin’? Carlsberg staff supposedly can drink after 5 and smokers can smoke in meeting rooms in tobacco companies. This is a well-known fact, in either BAT or JTT. Free ciggies exhilarate you so much that you are that jakun and need to kill people everywhere around you? I don’t get to drive cars all the time. Ok, that is a stupid statement. I don’t wanna drive anyway; the only Toyota car that interests me is a Supra which Timmy says I’ve got good taste. What about Durex then, do they get to test their products ..erm.. after lunch? When I say test, I do not mean by blowing them as hard as you can.


You go to a game arcade and there are games like Initial D, Outrun and Midnight something. There, you get to choose those super sport cars that you wanna race in, like Evo, Fairlady, Skyline, Silvia, Supra and Celica. Is it then that I realized Timmy drives one of those cars. And all the other cars were on his consideration list, except the Supra and Celica. I didn’t realize how marvelous Emily was until I saw that people only get to drive one as their fantasy in a video game, and Timmy drives one to work everyday. OMG, I never truly gawked at Emily. I have never finished gawking at her anyway. I dunno if it’s cos I only see her once a week or that I’m always seated inside. Oh my, she is truly a baby. So sexy baby.

And I’ve never driven it yet! Was too afraid too actually, there seem to be too many controls and I have a confession: I took a long time locking her up cos I needed to leave the car to pee when Timmy has gone somewhere. I forgot that the engine takes 30seconds to shut down after turning the key, and I turned the key here and there but why wouldn’t it still go off!!

This behaviour is totally uncool and unbecoming :I

Jason Mraz
I told Timmy that he should be given a Datukship. He deserves it far more than Shah Rukh Khan for giving us great songs like Lucky, I’m Yours and Bella Luna.

Free reads
I am only entitled to borrow 1 book since I am not confirmed yet, but somehow the librarian allowed me 3. I thought that 3 paperbacks is too much for 1 person, but not until a cookbook goes to your mum, a book on cycling goes to your bf and a James Bond book goes to bro. It is indeed so very exciting! There is Jamie Oliver, Nigella Lawson, Anthony Bourdain, Gordon Ramsay, Sophie Kinsella, Stephen King, Judith McNaught, Jeffery Archer, Dean Koontz, Tony Parsons, Dan Brown and many more. Actually the collection is kinda small but any amount of free books that you have been wanting to read but not buy is good =D And you know how much those cookbooks cost. There are those Dummies series too which I was supposed to learn Excel but who wants to learn Excel when they’ve got stories and after a whole day of doing Excels in the office?

Oh yeah, I could photocopy the book then using the machine in the library! And since there aren’t really many books, I can leave quite soon after I read them all =)

Get beautiful at the market
Since I’ve got nothing to do when dragged to the pasar tani at 7am on a Saturday morning, I decided to entertain myself.

Haiyo, if you’ve got daki, go and bathe la! By applying cream, the daki can go away? And I think it’s more like badan berbau busuk rather than kulit busuk =D

L.O.V.E

The Sultan of Selangor is a great guy because his birthday gave us a great time. It had been some time since we were able to spend quality time together to catch up lost times. I felt loved and assured that Timmy loves me a lot. It was like pre-Toyota times. I dunno if it was the dim sum breakfast, where there weren’t many people on the streets yet and felt as if we own the world. Or that we spent the whole day together, going many places and doing many things, all together. Simple things make me happy; I don’t need wonderful holidays, paid for shopping trips or fine dining (although this latter is lovey sometimes =) )

Dim sum is always good, cos it’s one thing that we both enjoy and have always done together. And then Baby Sue was having a fever and sore throat, so we went to see a doctor. We spent about an hour at The Curve before heading to KLCC area to pick up some stuff. Being the workaholic boyfriend, the next destination was Timmy’s office where we had to climb 4 floors up in dainty slippers with laptop, only to find that the pass card was in the car. It reminded us sharply that the marathon is in March next year =) And I was so happy that Timmy wanted to grab something to eat before heading home. It meant more time spent as lately we don’t have dinner together. An attempt to persuade him to go to the pasar malam was futile but roti canai had never tasted so good, other than the one at sweet Haja.

Being everywhere together was nice; it gave a feeling that we are together through thick and thin. Like ‘I will be with you no matter where’ =) A special part was when I asked Timmy if I could take a look at his documents. He said “Your boyfriend is (going through a big change in life). You need to look at it” Yes, I am part of Timmy. At this stage, we still somehow ask each other for permission, I don’t know why and don’t know if it’s good or bad. But I think it shows respect?

The pc fair was good too. Somehow going somewhere out of the norm was good and KLCC was the place that we first met. The fair was crowded but it was good chance to do things together. And then we further spend time installing Vista Ultimate and other stuff in the laptop, all taken care of by Timmy while I just used it when it was ready. That’s the benefit of having a technical manager bf, give him a Freedos laptop and all is ready =)

And this is very dear to me:

Timmy got this Starbucks planner for me when he got one for himself. 1 for Timmy, 1 for me. Timmy had me in his mind when he got one for himself, his girlfriend who likes to write things. I treasure it so much not only because it is unique, beautiful, old school and its cover is made of leather, but it signified a gesture that is like.. I was there in his mind.

And the leather cover is so soft that it feels fresh from the cow =D Have yet to use it yet cos it’s too nice to write anything in it. I just write crappy blog drafts and UPSR questions which are more worthy to be on recycled paper =P

*****
I salute those who are in a distance relationship.

Some can, some can’t. Actually I only know one who can and one who can’t. Over 350km, OHY gave up a 7-year relationship with PCH. Despite being well liked, he has been single since then for the past 6 years. I don’t know anyone who is in a distance relationship but Lawrence comes to mind. I admire your strength and am glad that finally your dear dear is now here with you =)

Timmy deduced that older people cope better. I dunno how true is this but I only have 2 case studies above, which seems to support the theory but it is really too small a sample size to study.
It's hard when you miss someone so badly. Thank God that the person is with you, for the pain would be more if you yearn for someone yet not 'allowed' to sms him, for he no longer feels the same about you. At least I'm lucky that I'll eventually see or speak to Timmy, after missing him a lot.

There are 3 types of missing:
Level 1: Cheerful
Sms sample: Miss u!

Level 2: A lot
Sms sample: Timmy, miss u la.

Level 3: Very very much
Sms sample: Timmy I miss u :( Like the emo, this one sometimes ends in tears.

Sometimes I wonder, only 40km separate us. It’s not that one of us is in Melaka or something. I am thankful for that. But we don’t meet, so being here or in Melaka doesn’t make much of a difference.

It’s torturous. It just feels so far, and it’s going to get further. How often do people meet their boyfriends exactly? Those that I know of, friends and others, either meet every day, almost or live together with their boyfriends. Being in a relationship but not seeing or speaking properly, doesn’t really seem to be in a relationship.

It’s like holding up, pent up and confining things to yourself. When you finally share something, the excitement has gone. Like good news, opportunities, offers and happenings. If you even remember to share at all.

It’s only 40km. But are we getting too busy for each other?

I wear my FCUK everyday; it makes me feel that Timmy is close by. It feels that it’s the only thing that links me to him, that reminds me that he is still there.

It’s stupid that you miss someone right after seeing him. I dunno if it’s due to a week’s worth not satiated, the time was too short, the uncertainty of when you are going to see him again or the thought that you are not going to see him for another 6 days. Then you start counting Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. And it is only Saturday night now. It just seems so far away.

I’m not coping. If I am, I would have cos it’s already 2 months now. I miss him most in the mornings as soon as I get up, and sometimes after seeing him. Other times, it’s bearable because I just don’t think of him because there is no point thinking and yearning for someone not accessible.

How can you miss someone until you cry? Is it due to too much love?

I know he loves me, he says he is always with me, and he misses me too, but maybe not as much as I do. He says he loves me more than he misses me, but for me it’s the other way round. Whatever he says, sort of a contradiction there. But just why do we punish ourselves like this? Why don’t we just go and see each other?

It’s not so far, but it seems so far...

Once again, sleeping is the best remedy, though of late it doesn’t help much anymore once I wake up.

What do people do when they miss someone so badly?

I don’t feel like doing anything right now, but to go home and sleep and am feeling utterly bored and sleepy.

MINDLabs - MIND Laboratories Sdn Bhd : Inefficiency or Fraud?

It started out as an advertisement looking for freelance translators. I was quite reluctant to go because the interview was in Desa Melawati, the other side of the planet that I have yet to explore. Timmy asked me to go and check it out, and I was really glad that I did.

I passed the translation test and got my first assignment. It’s just a marvellous job, I was gushing about it earlier and can say that it’s the ideal job! Can be done at home and anywhere while you are being paid to do another job!

I sent the assignment in and it got sent back for me to do some amendments. I did the changes and mailed it back. I don’t remember the exact date I sent it back but the ‘date modified’ on the document shows 21/10/08, which I believe it could be sent earlier.

The payment was promised at the end of each month. October came and gone, nothing. Emails then started coming in; fellow translators started corresponding with each other about non-payment. One of them is an anak Dato. We decided to wait and see..

I waited until the 1st week of November. Nothing. I thought maybe the 2nd week will see something, knowing how these companies work, typical government-related company that is made up of lembab people. 3rd week and I called them. They said they hadn’t received my documents!

Oh..so that was why I hadn’t received anything..

But wait! Emails don’t get lost just like that. Snail mail, maybe. But not email. And hey, I even sent them a hardcopy as requested to! And the clerk even said she remembered seeing my hardcopy.

Now let’s not delve into why they need a hardcopy as proof of receipt. I now understand why they need it, cos they have a high tech server system that saves you money from paying all these translators.

I decided to give them another chance. Amazingly the very next day after I called them, I received an email from the editor asking if I was still interested in continuing. The very next day out of the umpteenth days of waiting for my cash in silence. That email was also sent to the other 2 people who complained/ discussed about non-payment. Hmm...

On 2nd December, knowing it was my birthday, they banked in RM75, half of the promised amount. 2 months later and half the amount? The other half is promised to be next week.

Today is 23rd December. I called them yesterday and was told that they don’t have the money yet. I think this Santa is one that is very strict and does no early delivery for Christmas.

I heard that they have placed ads looking for translators. Not sure what is their motive, to get a free translated document here and there?

If only they had paid the amount in full and promptly, I would have given them a 2nd chance. But chasing for money, if there is any at all, is a very tiring and costly job with a big question mark in front of your face.

Please check out the company’s website , scroll down and you’ll be amazed who the shareholder is. You will really be amazed, I promise.

One Fine Wire – Colbie Caillat

I suddenly love this song although I’ve had it for so long. And then I realized that the lyrics are apt too; it’s about me in times when I am down. It’s a nice feel good kinda song; I think I like Colbie more than Leona.

One fine wire, between happiness and sadness.

I try so many times
but it's not taking me
and it seems so long ago
that I used to believe
and I'm so lost inside of my head
and crazy
but I can’t get out of it
I'm just stumbling

And I'm juggling all the thoughts in my head
I'm juggling and my fears on fire
but I'm listening as it evolves in my head
I'm balancing on one fine wire

And I remember the time my balance was fine
and I was just walking on one fine wire
I remember the time my balance was fine
and I was just walking on one fine wire
but it's frayed at both the ends
and I'm slow unraveling

Life plays so silly games inside of me
and I've had some distant cries, following
and their entwined between the night and sun beams
I wish I were free from this pain in me

And I'm juggling all the thoughts in my head
I'm juggling and my fears on fire
but I'm listening as it evolves in my head
I'm balancing on one fine wire

We were discovered!!

1st thing: To those who have seen a pic that wasn’t exactly ‘sweet’, it wasn’t meant to be there. It was a result of 2 individuals who were so excited and exhilarated to discover Acer Crystal Eye and Microsoft Live Writer. The result of the combination was catastrophic =D But the full collection shall be uploaded to Picasa soon to celebrate the ..err.. celebration.

I only remembered the post a few days later. Feeling confident that it was deleted, I asked Timmy for the sake of asking. To my horror, he said sorry that he forgot and will delete it immediately. And days later when I checked, the pic was gone but remnants of the post was still there. Adoi. This is what happens when I don’t read my own blog =D

But thank God it was gone before Timmy’s colleagues in Malaysia and UK googled him and found our blogs. Else, the technical manager and his gf would be perceived in a bad light as nonsensical people. I dunno why they were googling him and Chan anyway, but Timmy’s post that lead them to his blog wasn’t sweet and even got blocked by the censorship board at UMW Toyota.
I got a mail saying that an email was blocked. Thought it must be some image file attached or that it has exceeded the number of attachments allowed. Our IT department has nothing to do but to block people’s email all day. Toyota probably employed 20 people to sit and block and unblock 800+ employees’ email.

I got a surprise when I saw that the email was from Timmy. And then I saw the reason why it was blocked.

UMWT Toyota has not delivered the following message. If you believe
the message is company related please reply/forward this mail with
your justification to IThelpdesk/ITSD/UMWT/UMWToyota.

It believes it may contain unacceptable language, or inappropriate material.

Message: B4949fb940000.000000000001.0001.mml
From: radius78@gmail.com
To: leesa@toyota.com.my
Subject: Re:

Please request the sender to remove any inappropriate language and send it again.
OR If you believe the message was business related please contact ITHELPDESK at ext 6464.

UMW Toyota Rule: Anti Spam : Block Unacceptable Language
Script Offensive Language (Basic) Triggered in Body
Expression: clit Triggered 1 times weighting 5

So what happens is that someone was appointed to come up with a list of all the offensive words. His position at Toyota is called Executive, Moral Development. He has to continually update the list of ‘bad words’ as times change. Not only that, he has to come up with weightings for those words as well, as you can see form above there. And yes, this weightings too has to be reviewed from time to time as they become less and less harsh as days go by.

Why was Timmy using such a word in his post? Lazy to explain. Why was he saying that in an email to me? Explained already above that he was telling me his colleagues found his blog thru a post that used the word. Why were we talking thru email? Cos BB boss sits behind me and I cannot talk. Besides, we needed to have our morals checked by UMWT.

That's all for now. To be continued..

Happy Birthday Sultan!

I am at Timmy's office and have nothing to do while he works, lazy to read my Mamasan book, so I upload the pictures that I have been thinking of uploading for some time.

Muahahaha!! So that's how we would look like 20 years ago. So ulgy hahahaha yet funny.

Updates on life:

Currently having fever and a bad sore throat. Went to see the panel doctor this morning and being a panel doctor, he didn't wanna give mc for tomorrow. That's what you get from panel doctors; they side with the company. Anyway, BB won't be around tomorrow, so it would be a waste if I don't go to work. But my whole body is aching now and so is my head. Tomorrow wanna cabut sharp at 5.30pm and then there is tuition some more, urgh..

What else.. And then this Saturday will be tkd grading. Wanna skip the morning one and probably make a run early for the afternoon one. No bercinta also but the next day we are going to the pc fair to get a laptop and then have Internet at home. Yes, after 2 decades, I am finally getting Internet at home. Whose fault is it? Toyota la!! Have to buy laptop and fix Internet some more, what a waste of money. Idiot!

Let's talk about people..there are a few types:

1st type: The kind type

Mr Tay, my boss at Perdana tuition is one of the nicest people I have met. Which ever boss would tell you that he doesn’t want you to stand in front of the board and teach because you have been working all day? Well, I am paid to teach. And he pays me the highest, searched and printed out holiday packages when he learnt that I wanna go on a holiday, asks me if I am ok and to take a rest first if I arrive at tuition looking tired, advises me on career and offers to help if I need to do any presentation for work. How good can an employer get? He’s also the only employer who chases to pay me!

This is probably because he understands what it feels like to work many hours a day juggling a few jobs. That man had a stroke and he is only 32. Cos he gives me a lot of advice, I feel that he is very ‘old’ but he is only my boyfriend’s age =)

2nd type: The irritating type

Coincidentally, the 2 people that I find annoying come from the same family. Meaning that this family breeds annoyers. Something like leeches or creatures that have no backbones. Jellyfish can't think on their own or make a simple decision on what to wear. Hello, think and decide for yourself what to wear, no need to sms me la!

3rd type: The dirty type

Mr A bin H,

I hate you for
a. cheating on your wife
b. cheating on your wife with a hooker
c. cheating on your wife who bore you 3 beautiful daughters (when I say beautiful, I really mean it and Timmy doesn’t just love any name or say any kid is cute)
d. cheating on your wife who bore you 3 beautiful daughters and converted for you

While she had just given birth and taking care of your 3 daughters at home, you were happily gallivanting on a ‘business trip’, fucking away and so proud of it to sms people back here in Malaysia of your escapades.

Timmy looks up to you as a big brother, respects and loves hanging out with you. I used to see you as a role model too though I don’t know you well, but primarily because Timmy doesn’t speak highly of just anyone. But let’s just say despite the career man, doting father and healthy marathoning man you are, your other life comes to mind every time your name is mentioned.

4th type: The smart sneaky type

That's me =D I have a fantabulous idea which is not bringing a handbag to work on days that you wanna leave early. Here, leaving at 5.30 makes you seem like a scum, where actually there is nothing to do but have to linger and pretend. So in order to not appear scum-like, you just sail out the door with your belongings in your pocket, to the 'toilet' and never to return. So clever right. Hahaha. Timmy says "Baby lah" hehehe.

Ok, nothing to say already. Just blogging for the sake of blogging. Hasta la vista baby. Next time when I am in the mood, I shall present my point of view on staying in the office past 5.30pm.

Stupid kid says stupid things

Horses have beaks.

Ducks have horns.

Ducks and butterflies have scales.

Rabbits have feathers.

Kangaroos live both on land and in water.

Someone who likes to help people, what type of person is he? Kind, helpful, naughty, ugly?
Ugly

People who like to give things, what type of people are they?
Give orange

This is probably the best:

Apakah yang ingin disumbangkan kepada mangsa kebakaran?
Harta benda terbakar

That was from teaching Andrew, a Std 2 boy.

And while I’m at the topic of kids, just wanna share this pic.



This is Shazeeen, a tkd whiz. It’s not a typo, his name is indeed spelt with 3Es. Timmy straight away said ‘So gay!!’

Edit: Oh I forgot to mention that the patterns are only on one side of his head. I think this is one of the more elaborate on-the-head-patterns that I have seen.

What a (good) mother I will be

It is a happy day after all. Boss is away, tomorrow's a holiday and I think everything is well for now. Dunno which is the best part, tomorrow being a holiday or that boss is away. Think it's the 'BB is away' part. BB=Bloody Bitch. The big slob of meat is gone til Friday!! Her boobs are so big that they are distracting, cos they are gonna pop out of her spaghetti top. So obscene.

Life can't be happier, can it? Tomorrow's a holiday!! So damn steam!! *grinning from ear to ear*

And I haven't done a single thing since morn =) Did some stuff la, but basically enjoying my short freedom and happiness.

So since I'm in a mood, I wanna post some stuff that have been sitting around in my Blog Drafts folder. It contains a collection of things typed but not posted, due to various reasons: no opportunity to, no mood to or just plain incomplete thoughts. But today I got a chance to blog!

So damn steam, beh tahan.

So, the topic of today is..

What a (good) mother I will be

Being in the teaching profession for 2 years (che-wah!) and from life experience, I have seen enough to make me know and determine what kinda mother I want to be.

A. I will not send my kids for classes on weekends
Okie, maybe at most 1. That also has to be a recreational one like piano or tkd or guitar or drums. No tuition classes on weekends. Kids need a rest. And mums and dads too. We all need a day to sleep in without waking up in a panic thinking you’ve overslept. We should have a proper family day of dim sum breakfast and then shopping.

B. I will not send my kids for tuition
Because I known how stupid tuition centres are. And also partly because my kids are intelligent enough as inherited from their mother :D

Kids of all ages are clumped together in one class. Kids coming to learn science, BM, maths and English are clumped together too. If that wasn’t bad enough, wait til you know how the teacher is like *blush* My brother does as well as his friends who goes for tuition, so I think tuition isn’t really necessary. But then it also depends on the kid and the role (and genes) the parents have.

With that, I the tuition teacher mother shall teach my kids. If I’m tired (which I foresee or most of the time), daddy will take over. And I’ll teach the tkd and piano too but only how to play pop songs. Beethoven, Mozart, Chopin and Tchaikovsky are too boring for mummy and I’ll know you’ll all go running everywhere as soon as mummy’s head touches the keyboard.

C. I will not put pressure on my kids in primary school
I want them to enjoy their childhood. I don’t want them to be nerds who know nothing except books. This is the time when their brains absorb best to learn all sorts of things. I don’t even want them to know that there is a UPSR at the end of their primary schooling years. I just want the UPSR to be a test of their knowledge obtained naturally without pressure or force. Let the primary years be stress-free, because after that it’s gonna be totally work!

D. I will not let my kids play stupid games
Those stupid games at the arcade, where you dance or beat the drums, are totally stupid. Heck, there is not even a proper tune that you drum to. If they wanna play games, PS3 is fine :D Ask daddy to get you one (it would be PS6 already by then) or a Wii or something. If you wanna play games, do it with class and not stupidity or yeh-ness. HOTD is strongly encouraged. Warcraft and other small-creatures-bashing-each-othergames are disallowed. If you wanna play bashing games, play those from up close and not aerial view.

E. I will not let my children eat junk
Despite their mother eating lots of it. Will not introduce junk to the household and no excessive buying of chips at the supermarket. Chocolates are ok though. But not too much of restriction as I’ve seen kids so desperate that they steal and eat sweets from the floor (and from another person’s mouth!).

Oh, the sight of someone eating sweets he ran after and taken from someone’s mouth, were classics! Never been so exhilarated and tickled; it was truly a classic. I hate to admit how evil I was but I laughed like a mad sadist when Empty accepted a sweet from Eu Jie’s mouth and ate it! =D =D

F. I will play an active role in my children’s education and not just shove the responsibility to the teachers and pay the fees.
I hope.

G. I will not give in to tantrums
Nigel and Nelson can cry and kick for all they want at the supermarket but I’m just gonna walk off and then they’d follow when they see mummy’s not going to choi them. I won’t pester, plead or force them to eat too. Tak nak makan, sudah. They will eat when they are hungry eventually.

H. I will not have too many children
Cos I want to give the kids my undivided attention. Actually I was thinking, how could I split my attention ad time into 2? Having just 1 would mean that he’s getting all the best. But having 2 means each of them is only getting 50%? So, I think 2 is the max. Having 3 would be like rabbits

Edit: I. I will dress my kids in Nike shoes
I wanted to say this but somehow got lost somewhere. Only remembered after Timmy commented involving shoes. Those little Nikes are all so adorable *gushing gushing* Who cares if they can only wear them for a month? Daddy is rich what!

I want my kids to learn because they want to, not for exams. They can take tkd, piano, ballet or whatever they fancy as long as they want it and finish it. I don’t really believe in ballet, art classes and ice-skating classes and if they wanna do tkd, they better get their poom belt by the age of 10. I dunno how on earth I took 5 years to get mine.

I would want my kids to attend either private school or Chinese school. I’m not saying that national schools are bad but I realize how important Chinese is and I don’t want them to be like their mother. Since we are speaking English at home, they’d have a benefit and thus can be an all-rounder and top student in class! In the best class, M-class of course.

Timmy was right in that kids should be exposed to stuff at a young age to let them explore their options and fields of interests. Then, by 16 they can already have a headstart in pursuing their careers instead of lingering in F4.

Last one, in-laws shall not interfere with the upbringing of my children. Advice and opinion are ok but not enforcing your rules and beliefs on them. I shall teach and send them to wherever I wish. In-laws have had their share 30 years ago. What they believe in and wanna impose is probably from 30 years ago as well. My mum will surely not interfere; in fact she has already said that she don’t wanna take care of my kids. So I need to get a Saroja to watch my kids and clean my hamsters.

With that, I am on route to becoming an ibu mithali.

I’m sinking into one of my darkest times ever.
I try to pick myself up, but I can’t.
I try to rise again, but I keep falling.
It's not that I don't want to.
I just need strength, support and love to help pull me up.
I’ve never felt so alone; the other time was when my dad passed away.
Why am I lonely though I’m not alone?
Who understands me, or at least tries?
Who can I speak to, to clear my mind?
Who can I look to, for strength and support?
Who can give me a comforting hug when I cry at night?
Who cares when I stop by the roadside and cry?
Who cares when tears flood my eyes that I can hardly see the road?
Who is there for me when my heart is stabbed til I can't stop crying?
Who is there when I need someone the most?
I could let my heart cold and survive on my own.
I tried, but I just want someone to share.
How can I pull myself out of this?
Life hasn't been this dark for some time
that sleep's my escape, morning's my hell and nights are transition to hell.

Turning 24

It was simple but meaningful day. When things are rough, you tend to appreciate the simpler things in life. There’s something more sentimental about birthday greetings now as in days of darkness, they symbolize friends who remember and care. Phuan Sue Anne, Suet Leng, ahyee, Jenny, May Ling, Huey, Hooi Leng and Crystal, thank you for your birthday wishes that made my day.

Having dinner at Strawberry Fields with Timmy was very significant, as PJ New Town was ‘our place’. It was the place where I was truly happy; where I met Timmy every morning, arriving to see Timmy already there, holding hands, walking to Haja, eating puri, nasi lemak and roti canai with hair in it, walking to the banks and sitting on the bench if there was still time to go after breakfast. Hah, life was truly great then. I was happy, both at work and with Timmy. And after a sweet breakfast, half hour later and we’d be chatting the whole day.. How blissful can life be?

Now I’m gonna hate my job even more.

Ok, back to being 24, we arrived in PJ at the same time. I’m a sucker for things that are marvelously a coincidence. Everytime I reach that junction for that past 1 year, I’d see if he might be there too but no, it only happened on my birthday. I mean like, there are 60 minutes in an hour and the possibility of arriving at the same time is one in 3600.

Timmy got me an FCUK watch. An FCUK! I’m actually more obsessed with its acronym than its clothes. Not a fan of its clothes at all although I like the ‘Too busy to FCUK’, ‘Lucky FCUK’ and Timmy’s ‘FCUK down under’ T-shirts. Catchy!!

Too blurry to see..

The next day, my colleague Alin whom I hardly speak to got me this:

This is one thing that reminds me of Phuan’s favourite definition: “Cute: Ugly but adorable”. Yes, this piggy is cute!

Was surprised when she gave me the gift and card cos we hardly speak and we’ve known each other for barely a month.

So, I am 2 cycles of the animal zodiac already. So darn old.

Why...?

Why are there 5 work days a week?
Why is there an air of sorrow as though someone just died?
Why does no one understand or even listen?
Why is there no shoulder to cry on?
Why do thoughts of Monday seem so dreadful that there are no words to describe the feeling?
Why do days come to a stand still when you just want it to pass?
Why does time fly when you don’t want it to?
Why are people cold and unkind?
Why are there bitches?
Why do I start to hate everyone?
Why is happiness never for long?
Why is happiness so difficult to find?
Why do I feel dreadful, horrible, miserable and so unhappy deep down inside?
Why do tears never run out so that no more can flow?
Why do people forgo happiness for money?

I do feel a bit better after talking to Timmy and he finally listened and responded. Being alone in sadness feels stabbing, having someone to just listen does help a bit. Having someone to acknowledge that there is a problem would be better. It’s all in the head but there is nothing at all that I can think of to give myself a wee bit of glimmer. The main problem is that I cannot pinpoint what the cause of sadness is. There is just depression in everything. I look at the bracelet I made to remind myself to be thankful. Usually I’d have a tiny thing to console myself to be thankful for, but now there is absolutely nothing for me to be grateful for. There is nothing to look forward to, there is no reason for me to wake up each day. I am not like the rest, I am not the majority. A personality test singled me out like I was a freak. They said I was unique, but it reaffirms that my head is complicated.

When can I stop crying?
How do I work hard for happiness?
How could a dream job backfire so badly?

I don’t know how to work hard for my happiness. It’s not something that can be worked for but to totally eliminate it. I feel rotten the very moment I wake up everyday. How can I go by the day when I already feel like crying the very minute I wake up? Waking up is just so so depressing. Mornings are the most depressing and lonely times. Thoughts of the time when I felt like ramming my car into a tree start flooding back.

Timmy asked what I want for my birthday. I replied I just want happiness. I don’t want anything else. I just want a box of happiness. This birthday I am not surrounded by happiness.

To quote Jason Mraz in Mr Curiosity,
“It’s my birthday, but I cannot find no cause for celebration”

This line has to written from experience? At least someone knows how I feel.