The best I ever had

It just seems like yesterday when I found you on Skype. I didn’t know Jose Cuervo was an alcohol, it sounded like a Spanish name and I remember asking you “You are orang apa?” and you asked me in return “What do you mean orang apa?” :)

Our first date was at Nippon Tei in KLCC. I remember your blog post without having to read it. And that led to the 2nd date, 3rd date, 4th date and we stopped counting anymore. We blogged about our first few dates. Those early days when I attended a dinner with your ACN colls and was mistaken as a new colleague. The times when you would wait outside McD at MV and I would look out for a ‘hatted’ man :)

I still remember the time before I left for Kuching. You came all the way from your annual dinner, just to see me before I left. And you curi a stalk of rose from the dinner :) And that night, you held my hand, and from there I guess we were officially an item. 26th October 2007. Our anniversary and the beginning of the 3 great years we had.

We’ve been through so much. 6 jobs between us. The breakfasts in AGB days where my favourite sight would be your car there awaiting me in the mornings with you catching some shut eye inside, sometimes you’d walk over to my car and I’d admire you in the side mirror. Having dinner together at B3, the mornings at Toyota when you would come as a surprise and I’d burst into tears, we’d meet at MV after work once in a while, the times when I’d go over to KLCC or you’d come over to MV after work. Sometimes, I’d come and watch you play badminton and then we’d go to the food court where I’d eat that huge spaghetti. And then you’d accompany me til KL Sentral when you could have gotten off at Masjid Jamek. The times when we would have quickie breakfasts at Warong Kita or MV once in a while. It still pains me to see Warong Kita in the mornings, where we used to sit in the corner. 3 kuih for you, 3 kuih for me and 1 teh tarik for us. And then we’d walk hand in hand until we reach my turnstiles. And I’d watch you walk through yours. Every morning, you sent me a ‘zao an’ sms when I’m in the train to work.

Once, you came from Bangi (or was it KLCC) to pass me some chocolates. I had to rush home right after work, but you just wanted to see me walk to the car. That was sufficient for you. And in those times, we used to berbalas pantun. I marvelled at your ability to come up with verses that rhymed so well and meaningful; I thought that between us, I was the better wordsmith. And in Pangkor, which was the happiest time we had, you sms me ‘I love you’ from your side of the bed. I thought it was a delayed sms, but I checked the time, it was just sent. And there you are, facing the other side with phone in hand. That was the most romantic thing ever. Needless to say what fun we had in Pangkor; the world belonged to us and our little motorbike.

We’ve been to almost every mall. Playing that shooting Jungle game in Pyramid. You playing that old white monster shooting game. Eating Pepper Lunch. The waiter recognising us despite being there months ago. Having ayam penyet, soda gembira and teh botol. Checking out that smoky FOS, which is now 2-storeys I think. I haven’t been able to step into an FOS til now; it’s so strongly associated with you as I’ve never shopped there prior to knowing you. That huge bag of clothes we bought at FOS Cheras Selatan, which included all my winter clothes. We were looking at the Samsung Galaxy in Sungei Wang. We ate at T-Bowl. We had a miserable breakfast at Delifrance Leisure Mall and vowed never to go there anymore. We had dinner at Igentis at Tropicana. The purple ice-cream you had at Empire. The time when we waited for a table at Chilli’s at Empire, had coffee at Coffee Bean (and had stomachache after that) and then to Subang Parade for TGIF. We went to Digital Mall to find nothing. The Mines to buy branded clothes and contact lens. I kinda miss going to the Mines with you, eating Kenny Rogers there. And we couldn’t finish our meals at 1U’s Chilli’s. We had Slices of Heaven in Bangsar. We walked around BSC and was bored. The time when you bought lots of stuff from Ikea when all we were there to buy was a toilet brush. Bowling in Klang Parade.  Went to Alamanda several times, checked out the Esprit factory outlet each time but never bought anything. Once, you reparked Emily cos you don't want to leave her by the road side. Checking out Reject Shop in Jusco Bukit Raja. I wanted to buy that Burberry scarf but in the end you did, which was after we were over.

There are so many things we’ve done together. Genting when you didn’t want to go to the theme park until it started raining. I understand now, I don't want to go to the theme park anymore as well. just sitting by the sea in Tanjung Harapan, watching ships go by. Sepang Gold Coast, rainy BBQ. Morib, looking at monkeys. A Famosa, riding in the safari. Port Dickson, eating keropok and fried cempedak and throwing the seeds everywhere. Which reminds me of the times when you fried cempedak for me and gave me bekal to bring to work at AGB. And the time when we were perched high up there in Taman Rakyat, rolling cempedak seeds down. Also when you came to MV in the morning just to pass me some that your mum fried. You know I loved them. The Klang town pasar malam is where we go to buy some too, but you don't like the flour on those.

My first birthday that we celebrated at the revolving restaurant. It was romantic, as well as the Valentine dinner in Armada. I was touched. And then yours in Pangkor. And a simple dinner at a significant place – Strawberry Fields. I remember sitting on the benches til late and then using MBPJ toilet. The last birthday we celebrated at Sassorosso, where again the waiter recognised you.

I’d never do Snowflake again, not in the near future. It’s something that is reserved for just you. Remember the time when I took so long to finish mine and we were both freezing cold? As soon as I put the last mouthful in my bag, I ran off leaving you and you laughed at me. And there was once when it was raining heavily and we ran to the car and sat inside and shivered. We ate a lot at Yuen as well as at KEC for dim sum. Sometimes, at Bukit Tinggi dim sum as well. You always say that you don't wanna eat anymore for the next 15 years. You loved chicken feet. Korean BBQ is our food. The last time we had it was for our anniversary. It’s always our special food – the first time was on one of the first few dates.

We never shared the same interest in music. I was attracted to the fact that you listened to weird music like Nouvelle Vague and Rammstein. But Lucky was sort of our song. We did a duet in the car several times. And a drunken one speeding back from Desmond’s wedding. Then at one time, it was Gasolina. Yelled it while riding our bike in Pangkor. Just recently, those beach-y Kalabu Malami you gave me was played at my annual dinner.

We enjoyed laughing at each other. You used my towel to wipe your sweat at badminton and I had to use toilet paper to dry myself after bath. The time when you made the toilet stink and thought I was exaggerating until you realised it stank bad and closed the door. You ‘pushing’ me out of the ‘truck’ at the arcade cos you played it the wrong way. You melutut my buntut when I made fun of you. The times when we’d bring food and hang out at Ajoy’s place. The time when you fell asleep on my lap. I used to put my cold hands on your tummy. And you love to tumbuk you-know-where. The time when we both fell asleep watching Horton Hears a Who after the marathon. I remember you said I was pissing you off cos I kept asking if we were there yet. And of course, we called each other names, which doesn't sound loving but definitely is. I might not get cuddles and hugs from you in public but I know you love me. Just today Cath said she noticed you like playing with my hair. I know you sometimes run your fingers through my hair.

We’ve been through each other’s ups and downs. We secured Emily together. I remember being in Bangsar withdrawing money for her. Many problems saw us losing her but she took us through HPC and many fun rides. Actually I only found out later that you preferred Silvia/Skyline but took Emily cos I liked her. Toyota days were a down side when my mood was rotten. You were with me to lodge the police report for being cheated of tkd money, as well as my medical check-up. It was such a waste to have spent time teaching tkd for nothing; we could have gone out early in the morning. I remember that when I came out after bath then, you’d towel my hair dry and then carried my stuff to the car. And then we went to book Civic together. We took Civic for her first long drive to PD. I’ve seen you through 3 cars – City, Emily, Civic. We first drove Emily to Chan’s wedding, you came to pick me in your nice white shirt and then you were uneasy parking the car out there. And then there was the time we sang Lemon Tree; I still have the videos, the zig-zagging one.

It pains me most because it was a perfect relationship; there is nothing I would do to change things. Secondly, it was abrupt and shocking. 3 years of being your princess, baby and bam bam were the best times I’ve ever had, for you’re the one I loved the most. You'll always be my Timmy, gemok and lala bf. Fate had really brought us together. Who would have thought by a person found out there somewhere can lead to 3 years of happiness. I wished it could have been more, if not forever.

This is an attempt to reminisce and then move on. I must tell myself: “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” - Dr. Seuss

I miss you, I love you so much and always will. Thank you for your love and the great times.

What I did last Raya

Friday
Wanted to have tuition today so that I could go to ahyee’s house earlier but WL said it’s not possible. Nvm, so I cleaned the house. The target was to clean the toilet, yard, dining + computer area and room but only managed the dining + computer and toilet. Packed all the papers to send to the recycling bin - an achievement nevertheless!

Saturday
Tuition was cancelled, cheh. If I had known, I would have gone to ahyee’s house earlier. But then, while packing my bag, I found out that cooper was going to be there too. Bugger that! Plan aborted, now the long weekend looks dreary. 2.5 days, what to do? SOS bf, he said tomorrow we’ll go out and have Snowflake, wooty! My bf rawks lol :D

So off I go to Timmy’s house to beraya. Only Eric was there when I arrived, better than none at all. QL came shortly later, looking very regal in jeans :D Never seen him wear jeans before and later I found out the reason why. Waited for Nick and then we makan. Food was very pedas =P QL was an amusing sight and Timmy’s mum said “Kesian dia”. Bwahaha. His line of the day was “German from Germany” only for Timmy to retort each time “Bladi German”. Haha, those 2, never fail to make me laugh. And then there was that chue yok fun joke. My gosh, mat salleh speaking Cantonese is hilarious!

Sunday
Hari untuk bercinta! Decided to go to Ikea and The Curve, haven’t been there for a long time. Only managed to buy my beanie at Daiso. No nice gloves, so that has to wait til later. And at Ikea, we ate the much-awaited meatballs and other cheap food at the Ikea cafe, felt torturous and couldn’t finish the food.

And then we went on a shopping spree!
Mine: Toilet brush and laptop table (which was actually a breakfast-in-bed tray)
Sunshine’s: A dining set with 4 chairs, a table lamp, an alarm clock, 2 bulbs for the lamp, 3 stalks of artificial flowers to go with the dining table and a packet of 100 tealights!

Oh, and since we got a RM10 voucher, off I went into Ikea again and spent it on 2 cookie jars. Too bad that we couldn’t use it for food at the Ikea cafe, else I would have gotten Swedish chocs and biscuits =P

Monday
Sent bro to college with mum, waited for about an hour at McD and had pancake with tonnes of maple syrup, went to fat ahyee’s place and waited while they talked and had lunch, then off we went to Pyramid for a while before picking up bro at 4pm. At 1st, she said she is so bored. And then she said that we walked around Pyramid aimlessly like stupid idiots and that every mall is the same. I’m so tired of her.

And then we had Snowflake!

Snowflake is the most glorious thing on planet Earth!

Not a single moment was spent in boredom. No tears, no restlessness :D Very likey this long weekend!

My appearance on CNN!

As promised, here is the video!

And for authenticity purposes, here is the link where it was found: My CNN fame

As I was looking for the vid on the CNN page (Phil only told me that I would find it there without giving me the exact link), my hands were cold. Afraid of seeing what I might not like to see!

Turns out that I was the first one to be featured! Yay!! That means people don't have to watch the entire vid, besides the first one is always more prominent right? Woots!!

And then, I found out that my mouth and the audio didn't jive. Idiot - they had used the video from the 1st recording and the audio from the 2nd one! Bodoh! They could have just used the 2nd video; I had even worn my Banana Republic shirt for it! But my hair was messier though :D

So.. that's me, the CNN girl!

I.am.appearing.on.CNN!

How it started
I saw Nelly post it on FB: “Global Connections: Can you connect Sweden and Malaysia?” Well, the only thing that comes to mind when Sweden is mentioned is: Timmy goes there for work lo. I glanced through the page. What you have to do is to submit a comment on what connection there is and then you might get to appear on the programme. Featuring on a programme is not an attractive prize to me; I take part in contests for cash prizes and goodies. I thought of being the cheeky-me and submit “I send bf to airport, I cry. Bf come back, I happy”. But somehow I came to my senses and decided to be professional instead.

“Sweden and Malaysia are connected when the Swedish bank, SEB, has an outsource office running here in Kuala Lumpur. My boyfriend leads a team of programmers and travels to Sweden once or twice a year. From his photographs, I've had the opportunity to see the country in a closer view, while hearing about the extreme cold, such a contrast from the scorching sun in Malaysia!”
-September 4th, 2010 9:51 am-

I then pasted the thing on bf’s wall and asked him to take part. He’d definitely have better thoughts on how Sweden and Malaysia are connected; he might strongly have something to say.

I thought it was spam
September 6th, an email came. I guess I didn’t even look at the title; it might not even have rang a bell if I did, for of course I was not expecting anything out of that comment I wrote! To me, it was more of a lovey-dovey comment about my bf and Sweden. I decided to give this ‘spam’ a chance by reading it before deleting it.

Hi


Hope you’re doing well.  (this part looks dodgy, don’t you think? Probably cos it wasn’t addressed to anyone)


My name is Phil Han and I’m a producer with CNN International’s Connect the World. I am writing you today because I am looking after the viewer interaction element to our new segment on the show called “Global Connections.” 


As you know, this week we’re going to focusing our attention on two countries – Sweden and Malaysia and from what I know, you just submitted some comments and opinions on what you think connects these two countries. 


Ideally, what we are looking for is if you would be able to say your comments and opinions in a quick little Skype webcam interview sometime this week. It would only take two or three minutes and it would be a great way to illustrate some of your great comments to show on air. This would be televised on CNN International and your participation would form the backbone of our launch week program. 


Thanks so much and please do let me know as soon as you can whether this would be something you would be interested in doing. 


Best, 
  
Phil Han 
Digital Producer, CNN International
Turner House, 16 Great Marlborough Street
London, W1F 7HS , UK 

Skype webcam interview? Show on air? Televised on CNN International? O.Mai.God!!

Making the appointment
Phil suggested September 7th evening, London time. Unfortunately, I slept at 9.30pm that night in pain and didn’t get the email til the next morning. Rescheduled it to the following day, 10pm Malaysian time.

THE day
Since I had not taken this entire thing seriously until an appointment was made, I had 2 hours upon reaching home to make the preparations – namely write a script. No thanks that there was no dinner, so I had to tapau. Half hour before time, I brought the laptop to the room, turned on the Acer webcam, pulled the curtains nicely, chuck away the pillows that appeared in the background, arranged my hair  and checked how I looked like with the headphones, applied concealer to the HUGE pimple on my face, apply more and more concealer to the pimple.

I was so obsessed with looking at myself in the webcam that when the Skype call came, it won’t show my image because my Acer webcam was on :D I had to call him back for it to work.

And then Phil emailed, asking me to say that both countries had their first astronaut in space in 2007. Malaysia’s is that who-else while Sweden’s in Christer Fuglesang. Ok. And before that, I managed to speak to bf just before he went to bed; he said both countries have kings and are democratic countries.

So.. I had to say “Hi, I’m Sue Ann from Malaysia ..” and say the similarities. Phil said that it was all pre-recorded, so if I’m not happy with the answers, I can always do it again but I guess it all went well, no need to redo. They wanted it to be fun and didn’t think my bank-similarity was ‘fun’, so that was why Phil gave me the astronaut thingy for me to say. Was kinda disappointed but somehow I said all 3 in the end!

I said the 1st similarity is the astronaut thingy, 2nd is the democracy, ceremonial role kings thingy and the final one is the SEB thingy! I remember Phil asking me “You said your bf went to Sweden?” and he asked if I’ve been there (I haven’t gotten the chance to), if there are any Swedes here (I said his manager is and that several team mates come down once in a while), how do I find the people (I’ve never met any la, so I said bf finds their working ways different and admires the way they work). Now I wonder if all those were going to be on air or was just casual talk after I had spoken on the similarities. I was caught off-guard for those questions.

So Phil said that the programme would be on air on Friday 10pm! He said since I would be asleep by then, he would send me the link. It’s not that I have CNN anyway.
When I was done, my hands were cold... real cold. So nervous, so stressful. But it’s CNN! As bf said, who cares about TV3 when you have CNN! He said “dahsyat la budak tembam ni” hahaha.

Reshoot!
Last night (Sept 10th) while I was trying to finish the entire HBV Asia report to be sent back to UK while I holiday, Phil emailed:

Hi Sue Ann


We have a big EMERGENCY! 


Are you able to re-skype with us? We just need you to re say something? 


Are you free now? If not now, perhaps tomorrow morning London time? It is very important 


Thanks

It was 11pm and I was very tired with a headache. I told him I would do it tomorrow, he asked if we could do it really really quickly now. I decided to let it be, as though I was no longer online. It was an hour later that I decided to go for it – what if they decided to drop me? The programme was due to go on in 2 days, they might just decide to omit me. Besides, I wanted to sleep in peace and don't want to have a sleepless stressful night. All tasks must be completed by today!

So I mailed him, yes I would do it *groan* Bad enough that my hair was tied up and I hadn’t bathed but I was too tired to bathe and let it dry before coming online. So I repeated the steps of bringing the laptop to the room, turning on the Acer webcam, pulling the curtains nicely, chucking away the pillows that appeared in the background, arranging my hair  (it was tougher this time) and checking how I looked like with the headphones and applying concealer to the HUGE pimple on my face. It is as tiring as it sounds.

Phil said that his coll would do it this time and shortly later, a Keiren Buchanan dropped a note. And then he said the Skype suite is busy, could we do this in 15 mins? At this time, I felt like setting an alarm and dozing off a little. When he finally called, I was caught off-guard and disconnected the call cos I had removed the headphones and hadn’t put them on yet. I need to see how I look before accepting the call!

And then I realised with all the preparations, I had forgotten to plug in the mike and the headphones! >.<

It took a few more tries to get connected. Keiren wanted to do a test run and gave me word-for-word of what I should say. Hey, I’ve done this before la, I don't have to follow every single word you say! So, I did a test run with the sentence that I had rehearsed. He said I did very well! And it would be good if I can do it for the subsequent weeks!

Ok, so now he’s going to start recording and so I said again, “Hi, I’m Sue Ann from KL. The connection between Sweden and Malaysia is that both countries had their first man in space within a year from each other” and end it with a stupid smile instead of just being expressionless. And then he said it wasn’t recording, so let’s try again. “Hi, I’m Sue Ann from KL...”

Nope, he’ll go and get his producer to check what’s wrong. “Hi, I’m Sue Ann from KL...”

Maybe it’s the tape. He put in a new one. “Hi, I’m Sue Ann from KL...”

I could hear them discussing among themselves. Each time I speak, I wonder whether I’m going to fumble on my next word. My heart thumps; do not fumble! And I did not and it took the 5th try I think to get it working!!

Phew, at that point, I really felt like an actress acting out the same scene over and over again. It is seriously tiring. And not getting sleep too. Boy, being a celebrity is stressful and not fun!

I asked Keiren if the previous clip is not going to be used; he said it would and it’s just that this astronaut part needs to be redone. But then, I spoke about the astronaut part as the 2nd point, why do I need to introduce myself again? I thought of wearing the same shirt as I was the day before but I had a feeling that they only wanted me to say the astronaut thing and nothing else, thus a fresh shirt doesn't matter. (I wore my new Banana Republic top some more, with the label still intact :D I feel like a newscaster who’s wearing a nice top but sarong underneath :D)

I was reading the other’s comments and it’s no wonder why they thought mine was one of the best. Some fella said that both are Muslim countries and an idiot said that both had 4 letters left in the name after the vowels had been removed.

And I found out that the astronaut thing was actually submitted by someone else. I had thought that they had found it out themselves and wanted me to add it in. So why didn’t they ask that guy to present his own point? Cos they like me!

Am waiting for the link!

(My and all other comments are found here. Search for 'sue ann' and you'd see the comment that brought me this fame! :D)

Super fun day in Melaka

Happening month! 2 weeks after ATV, we went to Melaka! It was like we suddenly realised we are getting old and need to squeeze in as many activities as we can. Or the Restless Legs and Hearts Syndrome had intensified.

So... we convoyed and followed behind Lawrence who was driving very ‘cautiously’ :D The brilliant me suddenly had an enlightenment *ting!* Hunger drives people to produce intellectual thoughts. Siew pau!

I’m not exactly a fan of siew pau but let’s just say I eat a lot nowadays and we’re passing the Land of Siew Pau. Actually there was a huge siew pau empire by the highway but we went deep deep in Seremban to find a shop. Paiseh also.. but I saw a shop called HATIM. We were so excited to see such a shop but didn’t catch what it was selling.

The itinerary at A-Famosa:

• Elephant show – exploitation of elephants and nice to see elephants exploit humans back by using their trunks to thump their dicks lol. And then step on it, bigger lol. 
• Multi animal show - cats, parrots and don't remember what else. 
• Safari ride – The reason we are there. Definitely something different than what we get from the zoos. The animals were exactly crowding around our truck as in the Kenyan safaris but it was definitely cool seeing strange species of animals upclose.

• Bird show - beautiful parrots, majestic eagle and hornbill and don't-know-what bird that does mimicry VERY well) 

Us posing at the bird show. No pics of birds worth posting =P

• Wild Wild West show - surely could do better in storyline but I was impressed by the stunts. The gunfire made me terperanjat, the Red Indians actually rode horses at full speed, they actually burned the windows of the ‘bank’ and a guy leapt 3 storeys from a water tank into water beneath. Wow.. 

• Monkey Island – where the guys had great fun feeding monkeys and seeing a group of Iranian tourists being called beruk for dancing on the raft :D

And then there was the chicken farm! The highlight of the trip! When I entered the 'farm', I instantly saw the room of a thousand yellow fluffy chicks! I was not drawn to enter it until Cath went in. I'm amazed that I did for I'm against the touching of all animals.

                                      

They's so fluffay!!

I can't believe I'm holding an animal in my hand

                                      

Last camwhore pic before we say bye bye to the animals

Hahaha, I’m not much into animal shows actually; they remind me of the sea lion shows that I watched at the zoo when I was young. But I’ve never been there and it’s not like I had anything else to do anyway. Definitely an experience with bf :) and being all sweaty and sticky, we took a bath at the Ayer Keroh R&R before heading to Jonker!

There was this stall selling wallets of ‘Korean influence’. It was cool; open it up, put the notes inside, flip to open it at the back and the notes somehow has gone into the rubber straps. I wanted to buy one because it was a novelty and also to go home and analyse how it works. But I told myself not to buy things that I will not use, bravo me!

Curly potatoes, the new in-thing! Yummy yummy, couldn't find it in Pandamaran pasar malam

                                      

Egg-shaped ice-cream that I asked someone "Hai pin tou mai ga?" rather than go home dejected at not being able to eat Melakan ice-cream. We had already walked up and down the pasar malam and of course we didn't see the freezer situated along the corridor. How did people see them then, I wonder..

We had a long long drive to Umbai for ikan bakar. It wasn’t the kind I anticipated with sambal and lady’s finger on the top. Instead, it was bakar-ed just like that, kosong. Hmm.. I was already super full from all the nonsense I had been eating plus the drinks I had to take due to the spicy otak-otak, so I couldn’t finish the little rice and so I started to day dream and forgot to chew til Timmy marah.... :D

Tired and super full, I slept in the backseat, just like how I did when I was 5 :D Nice outing, nice pictures, nice friends, nice paktor with bf!

Now planning the next one ngek ngek ngek.. I already know what it is! Nom nom nom..

(Belated posting of) ATV outing

August is an eventful month – ATV and Melaka trip. Let’s revisit one by one..

It was hectic before we went for the ATV. Timmy picked me after tuition, then I went to buy rojak, we went to wash car, Timmy went to cut hair and then we went to JJ. By the time we went to JJ, we only had about 1.5 hours left. But.. we bought lots of clothes! Timmy got Hilfiger and fcuk tees (cheh!) and I got 4 tops at fantabulous prices from Padini. Yes I admit that again, I bought clothes because they were cheap and not that I really liked them. Who cares. And it didn’t help that it was a Saturday and I walked out of Padini holding 4 tops; people stared at me and the guard wanted to check the receipt. If I had wanted to steal, I would have put them on instead of carrying them out like that *roll eyes*

So.. we did a trial run before going off into the woods. The oil palm plantation, I mean. The trial circuit was just soil with some bumps. It was fun yelling and honking at whoever that was in front! And then we crossed the road and off into the woods..

We took off first.. vroom vroom to the top. And looked behind to see the guide chasing after us, asking us to hold on bwahaha! Then we set off... and realised some distance later that Lawrence and Cath were no longer behind us. We waited a while for the guide to ‘investigate’, and later he told us to go on; his bro will lead them. Turns out that at the start, Cath langgar pokok and we didn’t know and didn’t wait up lol!

Timmy and I took turns to drive. He taught me that if Soren or anyone else is behind, rev the engine and mud will splutter behind. Yeah, ‘behind’ as in the passenger behind. And clever me saw a huge pool of mossy green water *evil smile* and *SPLOOSH!* damn the water did not go behind but went up in th air and back down on us!! Timmy was horrified bwahaha.

I think I look cute in those helmets! So round and covers my forehead.

Group pictar upon our completion of the ride. Posing in front of our trial run circuit.

For photo-taking purpose

Some parts are scary cos Timmy was going quite fast especially at the lumppity-bump Dataran Ezzy. After a short 1 hour, we were back at the trial run circuit already. It was supposed to be 1 hr 20 mins; guess we drove too fast? We were allowed to ride around the trial run circuit again but after being in the woods, it was so lame laaa..

After taking bath, we went to Eat Workshop. It was located in an industrial area, surrounded by factories. For its ‘prime’ location, it’s gotta be good right? My foot! Not only was the food inedible but it was expensive! I don't mind paying for good food but they have the cheek to charge us that. The chocolate fondant with melted choc oozing out looked so tempting but the real one tasted like plastic. Gardenia muffins taste better. And they had the audacity to charge 15 bucks for that nonsense? I had expected heaven for that price! The waiter said that I’d be getting a quarter chicken but all I got was 2 smelly lumps of chicken for RM26.90. Fubar!

Which shows that the quality of food can deteriorate in time; as the blogs review weren’t as bad. Wonder how it survived in that factory area. Well, tak cuba, tak tau.. Dinner was very funny with Pam asking Soren to not waste her time saying 'Welllll...'. I did think before that Soren likes to leave the sentence hanging hahaha.

ATV was so tiring that I slept as soon as I reached home at 9.30pm that night. Personal best record.

Quarter life crisis #2?

For the 1st time, I can't express myself. The thoughts are probably scattered everywhere that I can't collate them, or probably I don't want to, to not go through them. Whatever. "You are anxious, something is bothering you". You are right, I guess so..



Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all


Painful lyrics. Hate and love the song both at the same time.

* * * * *

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Changes in work #1, work #2, work #3 and so on..

A lot of changes had happened in the last 24 hours.

Other than not getting the Buddha writing thingy yesterday, today there was shocking news: D is leaving the company! This means that I am the longest serving member of the Hep team (at 1 year)! They’d be taking someone in, so I won’t be the head of the team or anything. The team lead can’t be based in KL anyway. I don't think I qualify too as I’ve just taken over the queries but now I must say that I must live up to the experience! And have more confidence and show them what I’ve got :D

But seriously, AW has really learnt a lot and super quick too. I am more surprised than amazed. It’s either being there made it easier and faster to learn and ask, did she refer to all the files (but I doubt so cos she ran most her own way, even if the data was already available in other slides) or was she just like super quick? I think I picked things up fast earlier too but have become stupid. T did tell V that I learnt quick. But now, dunno la..

Best thing is: D’s taking all my stupidity with him lol!! He won’t be around to give negative reviews to T woots!! I don't like working with him too anyway; perhaps it was all tainted by that one incident which made me dislike him forever.

2nd thing: I am re-hired to do the job that ‘I’ was terminated woots! Sometimes I get confused on the many identities that I assume online. I must make sure that I never sign off my emails, for I think I signed off with the wrong name once, bummer :D

3rd thing: Nick stopped tuition for good cos he’s going to SG to study. I had expected this but wasn’t this soon as he said it would be next year. I was thinking of terminating him as well cos dedicating a day each week to him, only to have classes cancelled is a wasted opportunity. Might as well tutor someone else.

4th thing: Reached home and got a mail asking me to come for the PAC registration. It’s one day in KL, think it’s supposed to be some thingy for a few months at some faraway place cos there was a note saying that accommodation is not provided. Asked to come in track bottoms, what kinda registration is this? Not that I give a damn as well.

Spent about 2 hours writing 2 camera reviews of 400 words. Damn, I haven’t written anything for some time. I don't know why ‘to try out’ needs 2.5 articles but since that job pays better than other similar tasks, I write only la. Just had to rewrite actually. Too longer than supposed to cos was chatting with Chon as well.

Over and out.

A story entitled Dad's Blessing

I was looking for a passage for me to do some comprehension exercises and came across this piece. There are tonnes of these kinda heart-warming stories being circulated by mail but none has touched me so much:

A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.


As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him into his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautifully wrapped gift box. Curious but somewhat disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible with the young man's name embossed in gold. Angry, he raised his voice to his father and said "With all your money, you give me a Bible?" and stormed out of the house, leaving the Bible.


Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and a wonderful family but realized his father was very old and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day. Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things.


When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father's important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. And as he did, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible. It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation and the words PAID IN FULL.


How many times do we miss Spirit's blessings and answers to our prayers because they do not arrive exactly as we have expected?

Source: http://www.indianchild.com/dads_blessings.htm

The final message did not touch me as much as the story, maybe I can't relate to it at the moment. But when I think about it, yeah I guess there are times when we whine about something not happening but it turns out to be a blessing in disguise. Just as I always say, God must have had a reason for making things, even bad, happen. Like I think He wanted to end my father's sufferings and his unhappiness. Maybe He wanted us all to be strong in life. I was in a way glad that my father didn't have to suffer anymore; he was in bad shape and having to travel a distance by train to work everyday to feed us :'( At least I don't think that I have failed him in being the person I am.

Stupid story, despite the title being Dad's Blessing, I wasn't even thinking about my dad until the time I said God must have a reason for making things happen. Nvm, 1 day we'll meet again.

Things have just gotten betta!

Yesterday I was saying that income doesn't look to be good. Of all times when I’ve got a house to pay for. But today..

• the weird man called to say that I can collect the Add Maths tuition fees all for myself!
Earlier I had asked him, he said no. I don't blame him, I would have said no too. Then I sms him to ask how much extra would I be getting, no reply. The message did go through though. I didn’t really bother because I had been paid in advance. But today he called and said he lost his phone and had been having a hard time tracing me. He said that fees from June onwards will go to me woot woot! He asked if he can name RM75 to the mom, no way! I will discuss it with her personally. Will try and was advised to go for RM110. I wonder why is he suddenly so generous; he doesn't have to be. But let me not be swayed for he has done quite shitty and dodgy things before.

• Got a new project to do – modifying a Maths book. Haven’t looked at the book yet nor see what I have to do. I get to name the price too hehe.

• Given the green light to resume writing articles too! Yesterday it was stopped due to ‘client’ having not enough money, today got money already lol. And gotten a confirmation that he indeed wants a lot of articles, so I have contacted my hardworking 'ex-staff'.

• Sent out application for another writing job too. my services got terminated but am applying again. It wasn’t me who got terminated actually, it was my staff punya pasal laa... so now I am applying using my ‘business’ email add teehee! And I’ve already checked the joint account I have – my name doesn't appear when you want to deposit cash or make an online transfer too, I guess. But let’s not be so happy first.

• Still waiting for feedback on another job. Not going to be easy though – writing 10,000 words on Buddha Boy, Buddhism and all the types of Buddhism in Nepal. Aduh..

One definite thing is an increase from the tuition side. I know how much the form3 one is paying, so I can definitely command more than that. And ok also cos it's on the way out from BT to Kesas, on the way to pick up my sunshine boy!

Edit: Just got a reply from Buddha Boy client - "I've went through your sample writing since earlier yesterday. I find it good and will be able to make my final decisions soon enough. Sorry to keep you waiting but my decisions to make won't be long. I guess that you already know at least a little something on Buddha Boy, that's good."

Woots!! (I wrote that sample, so the compliment is mine :D)

Edit2: Blek, didn't get that job. What a reason given:
"That lady is an indian and the way she could speak indian gives her a lilttle insight to how the language is about and moreover she could write in both english and indian."


Tamil la, not speak Indian. Since when is the Nepali language closely related to 'Indian'? Ok whatever, God must have a reason for things he made happen. He knows I've got 720 more English questions to go and tonnes of Maths amendments possibly at the end of this week (thanks to stupid Open Office man). The task won't be easy anyway as it involves a lot of reading on Buddhism stuff, all the Mahayana, Hirayana thingy (I'm just making up those terms, can't remember what they were). Maybe God wanted me to spend time learning Christianity first instead of other religions :) :)

Working OT - post mortem

I’ve been rather bothered by the fact that I’ve been staying late at the office almost daily every day. ‘Staying past 5.30pm’ is a term alien to the global healthcare team; everyone leaves on the dot at 5.30pm. It would feel lonely already at 5.40pm, super late at 6pm and super duper late to the point of feeling depressed at 7pm.

So what went wrong? When did I start working late? Why do I have to work late? What was I doing until I needed to work late?

After several weeks, it is time to do a post mortem to find out so. For it does trouble me; I wonder was my inefficiency to blame?

So..

When did I start working late?
Since D replaced N. By right nothing should change but the way we work now has changed. We throw the stupid decks back and forth, picking up where the other has left off.

Why do I have to work late?
Trying to do as much as I can. Trying to finish what I believe I should be able to, but wasn’t.

Why?
I don't know why I was not able to finish what I expected to. Updating slides doesn't seem so tough a job, sometimes the tables have already been set up. But unexpected shit happens like having to run past data. This means having to create the tables from scratch, finding the right database in the bloody slow UK network and then after all that, DR crashes due to having several of it opened, each to cater to 1 phase. So that was why I took so long. (was that an excuse or a real answer to the solution?)

What was I doing until I needed to work late?
I had stopped chatting, I have stopped FB-ing, I don't even read the news sometimes first thing in the morning but I occasionally check my mail and find none. I hardly go out for lunch too. So tell me where I went wrong? Plain slowness?

I am doing more stuff now – HBV Asia project coordination but it doesn't take up a lot of my time. Yes I do spend some time on it but the ones I was doing late were stupid slides. Project coordination doesn't really take up much time cos I’m like well..checking that people do their work. Kinda cool to have people sending my updates hehe =)

I think I put too much expectations on myself. I want myself to do xx number of slides but it’s not actually doable. I don't even actually have to do that much, for UK will pick up where I left off. It’s just that I want to do a lot, and I’ve already gotten into trouble by delivering quantity but not quality. So maybe this week, I’ll not push so much upon myself and leave on time. I wanna leave a bit later (for looking good purpose) but not that late cos travelling home takes another 2 hours.

I tried to do some almost scrum-like stuff – setting a target time to complete. It’s good in the sense that I have an urgency and don't do things my own sweet time but to do it boom boom boom, but it puts more pressure on myself. Haih..

I think for this week: Before I start, I set a (reasonable) target. Plan properly and have a clear picture rather than membuta tuli. Pay more attention to stuff and be more alert (this means not being in a zombie-like state at work)

Am I on track to getting promoted at the end of this year or not?

Maybe I have too many things on my mind and am tired, as ahyee said. So let me list what’s bugging me, should be lesser now that the house paperwork is done (but worrying about payments instead).

1. article writing – going ok. Sometimes there is a deadline and this freaks me out cos ‘staff doesn't deliver’. Payment for some are not coming. Some have to be chased.
2.tuition – down to 2 students. One I need to go to the house and kecoh about payment issues, the other is not reliable as a source of income. Want to get more students but when I do, I find it difficult pulak.
3. maths question – ok, staff performing 
4. open office – stupid asshole who doesn't review my work and now gives me amendments to do all at one go. if he had looked at them earlier, I wouldn’t have done them the ‘wrong’ way. Asshole. Sort of given up on the total amount to be earned already.
5. English questions – doing this on my own. This is the only thing I am doing actually, yet feel so busy. Busy managing staff kot :D
6. possible new article writing, a one-off job. Would be doing it myself if I get it, don't trust people to do it for me. And will be learning a lot about Buddhism too if I do this :)

I think that’s all for now, actually I can’t remember what else is in my mind. I can’t fall asleep cos there are many things in my mind and I fear that when I fall asleep, I’ll forget them. And I still don't want to sleep at night despite vowing, crossing my heart that I WOULD sleep early at night.

I set a maximum bedtime then, max 12.30am. Gradually reduced to 12am. Still wonder how can one feel so sleepy at the office til it almost feels like dying despite 7 hours of sleep and an additional 30 mins in the train in the morning.

Weirdoes at work

Here I take some time off from my busy after-work schedule to blog about the weirdoes at work:

1. Mr Tight Pants
Not only his pants are super tight until he can’t walk properly but he is utterly dumb too. T said he has a stupid face but I found out that he IS indeed stupid. He has taken an interest in V, who is obviously married (from the wedding string she wears and the red pottu on her forehead). Heck, she is even pregnant! Yet, after she rejected his lunch invites by giving hints that her husband and MIL prepares lunch for her, one fine day he asked if she has a boyfriend. Oh.My.God. What the hell is wrong with this man?? How bloody stupid can he be? And now he continues to walk kangkang + tempang, cos his pants are so tight.

2. Mr Solar Drink
This man has the most annoying laughter, kak kak kak in a high pitch. Even T said that we just have to endure his laughter now that we sit in the same area. I noticed that he likes to place his mug of drink at the window sill. He walks past, takes a sip, then goes off. On the way back, take a sip again and back to his place, which is nowhere near the window. Trying to activate some ingredients inside the drink?

3. Psycho
A part-timer data entry boy that looks up from his PC whenever anyone passes by. He looks up from his PC and stare until we go out of sight. And on the way back, he has to look up and stare again. I stared back at him from the corner of my eye a couple of times, didn’t work. So I gave him a stupid smile one day, doesn't seem to have much effect too. So I reverted to the staring back at him and I think he got it, cos now he only looks up and then looks back down again. Haha, V even asked him one day, “Apa??” to which Psycho didn’t respond cos he is well, psycho. Annoying thing is that he looks down, but when I walk off I know he looks back up again, so I turned my head and stare at him. Sometimes he looks at your face, then lowers his gaze to your crotch level. Bloody fool. One day V saw him bending his head trying to see a girl’s watch at Sentral. Ain’t he weird? He freaked the girl out and she finally scolded him that there are many boards flashing the time. Stupid.

4. Ms Rich and Upper Class
Super rich that she leaves her car for valet parking if she drives out for lunch and returns. Apparently shops twice a week at Banana Republic. Ok fine but she asked V who was munching some peanuts, “Don’t eat that! Do you know how much calories there are?” and then “Are you not on a diet?” and asked her to take care of herself after marriage. When she found out that V is actually pregnant, she said sorry. Who the hell does she think she is to be speaking like that? Well, she is one who purposely wears high-waist skirts so that she can’t eat much and she only eats a few mouthful/takes a few sips of each meal/drink.

5. Ms Korean Born in US
Being able to speak Korean doesn't mean you have to be a Korean. You don't have to speak it at every single opportunity, you don't have to eat Korean food at the food court to show-off, you don't have to listen to Korean songs and you don't have to tell me the Korean name of the food when I ask what’s she eating, for I finally answered you ‘It’s kuey tiao la right?” And no, being born in US doesn't mean that you will become a US citizen if you go there to study hahaha! And it’s not such a big thing being born there. You don't have to add that ‘vital’ information when you introduce yourself to strangers lol! Despite being supposedly Westernised and welcoming other cultures, you are some sort of religious extremist who want to impose your whatever beliefs on me. Now take your beliefs and fuck off!! I will never forgive you for denting my holiday.

And then there is the new enthusiastic girl who likes to skip around the office, that T asked one day “Can you not be so excited?”. There’s the other newbie big girl whose voice, T said, doesn't befit her size. These 2 new girls wanted to give their team a treat after they got confirmed (*roll eyes*) and wanted to go to Madam Kwan. T said it’s not necessary, so they went to Kenny Rogers instead. Before everyone ordered, they announced that they actually have a budget to stick to. Hello, then what was that Madam Kwan? And then the big girl ordered half a chicken for herself. Laugh la, I almost finished half a chicken at Logenhaus that day too bwahaha! But that big girl keeps drinking the company milk from the fridge wan :D

And the one that I just noticed today, we have an Adam Lambert too. Tight jeans that are really fitting, they look like leggings. And he wore a jacket today with button badges on them. Whaddaya want from me? So whaddaya want from me?

Ever since we moved to our new seating area, I’ve become more observant, due to the increased exposure to strange characters.

Rotten day at work

In the morning, I got 3 emails from DG. 1 telling me how to run a slide, 1 reminding me to exclude Poland from all overall EU data and 1 more telling me the mistakes in the BMS deck. The BMS one is the one that bothered me the most. It had already disturbed me in the morning, but I managed to pull myself up and carry on updating the slides the best I could, until..

Yes, I admit that:
• I pasted Q1 2009 data into Q1 2010. And I didn’t look at it to see if it made sense. So I guess I did 2 wrongs here
• I thought that 2 slides had already been updated, so all I did was to hide Turkey’s data. Well, I had already commented there that I hid the data, not updated the slide.

But what DG thought/’accused’ me of was:
• Several slides updated were updated wrongly. They haven’t actually been updated!

So add all of those up and it sufficed enough to call T and complain about me?? I guess so, since he sounded pretty pissed with all the ?! in the slides.

If you read my email, I said that I have done up to slide 65 only for the day. Anything after that was not updated, of course they were wrong!!

The cause of the problems:
• Me being blur and stupid
• Him not reading my mail properly
• Old blobs that were left there, as though the slide has already been updated for the 2nd round
• No blobs there that were interpreted as being updated already

I must not blame anyone for it, but I am angry that he called T. It seemed like a serious problem, that I had done something so very wrong. It seemed as though I had been making mistakes for several days when it was only today that there was such feedback. NE never did this, although I’m sure I made some mistakes last time too. Bloody hell. I did tell T and replied to him as well on the miscommunication, hope it saved me a little.

To run salt into the wound, I already have a track record for this, mentioned in last year’s performance review. The call definitely made a mark in my record for my promo. Damn-fcuking-it!

Was very down and angry. Angry with myself for being stupid, and even more angry with DG for doing this, especially when it was not 100% my fault. Felt very very rotten that dinner outside and J-Card day couldn’t cure it. Tears streamed down as soon as I reached home; it was as though I had been waiting for a time to let go. I felt that the incident was a dream. When things so bad happen, it must have happened in a dream. I don't know why I take it so badly. This is the 1st time that I felt rotten and bad in this job.

And I just can’t explain why I’ve deteriorated mentally. I’ve noticed this since I started work in AGB. Sometimes I have totally no recollection of an incident/event; I don’t have the slightest idea if it ever happened or not. Like I have NO idea where the printer cartridge went to. I am the only one who knows how to open the printer up, so it must be me who removed it but I totally do not remember taking it out. What’s to be blamed? Lack of concentration from being sleepy? Tiredness from all those work? I’m starting to think that this mental deterioration and sleepiness might be caused by some medical condition. I mean, people can’t just become stupid suddenly right? Is hypothyroidism hereditary?

Sleep will cure things. When I wake up, it will seem as though nothing ever happened. It’s such a marvellous thing. I know I must bounce back, as Shaun said, and must bounce back even higher to patch the damage but maybe it’s Friday tomorrow and I am not feeling the mood for it. I get dejected and demotivated easily. Besides, I’ve been saying that I don't want to do work this whole week, been bored of slides and I don't know why.

Sleep time where all the troubles go away and you wake up wondering ‘What was it that was troubling me yesterday?’ Truly felt that it was a dream. How can this happen at a job I like so much, the only job that I felt the fiery spirit to work hard for and the one that I had been gunning for a promo?

:( :(

Timmy’s trip to Sweden

It was Timmy who went but I blog about it. Actually all I have is the sending off and the receiving =)

This time, I decided to send him off at the airport. Hehe, a change from last time when we don't send each other off (other than the time he picked me from London). Jee was right; she said sending off is more difficult and she doesn't do it too cos will be um seh tak. I thought I’d be strong but when parting at the car park, trickle trickle trickle.. and then I couldn’t find the exit, so I made 1 more round. I really couldn’t find the exit, not that I wanna wave bye bye again :D

By the time I drove out of the parking complex, boo hoo hoo already. I remember the turn where the road diverges into 2 – back to the parking complex and the other to KL. When I showed Timmy that spot when I picked him back, he laughed some more. Apalah. And somewhere along the way home as well, when we kept calling before he board the plane. Boo hoo hoo. Then I told myself, “Hey, it’s a good opportunity for Timmy. What’s there to be sad about?” And that really cured it. See, it’s all in the mind :D And I didn’t want him to worry too (don't know if he actually did)

Fast forward to 2 weeks later, time for pick up! I left the office at lunch and drove slooowly there, knowing that I had a lot of time. But when I got there, I saw that the flight was arriving earlier than scheduled. And it was arriving at that same time! Good, less time to wait, less anxiety. Quite wanna pee but afraid to miss him. I know that it’s gonna take some time to come out but I think I can hold it. And I hold it and I hold it and I hold it. I see some men wearing big D&Gs emblazoned over their chests; they must be Middle Eastern on Timmy’s flight :D No sight of Timmy. Wait some more and I see these..

Strange uniforms with cloths hanging from the sides of their heads

Looks Middle Eastern too, it must be Timmy’s flight. But no sight of Timmy. Then I saw someone familiar; I can’t recall. It must be Timmy’s coll! Think think think, nope it’s the CIMB loan guy. not sure if it’s him actually, thought of giving him a call but no need la, later Timmy comes out and I miss him while sibukking with other people.

Half an hour later and still no sight, getting worried and bladder going to burst. Another round of stewardesses with different colour hanging cloths emerged and my hopes were raised, but nothing. Went to check the board, flight indeed landed. Asked the counter if there’s any other arrival hall, nope. Made a quick dash to the pee room. 45 mins after the flight landed, sunshine boy called! :D Said that he’s waiting for his bags. Phew.. Then I saw those maroon uniforms and they ring a bell: Qatar Airways! And like 15 mins later, sunshine boy emerged wearing a formal jacket hahaha!

Actually I was kinda worried. Shortly before his arrival, I asked myself, how often do we hear of things happening? Almost nil. After that, I relaxed.

Keh keh keh, so I got my Timmy back AND these..

Lovely chokolats that came in a diamond-studded tin :D Every day I take one. A chokolat a day makes me feel happy. At the time of writing, no more already.

Moose, the mascot of Sweden. The moose is soft and nice and its butt has lots of beanie bag balls. And moosie is holding something!

The something! Woot woot woot!

Funny thing was that, I was just asking Jee to get me a phone on her trip to London, since she's going there earlier. I showed her the site and the model I was interested in. I had been saying that I've been wanting to ask a favour but haven't actually done so, until that exact same day. Was not expecting it at all cos I have been saying all along that I wanna get a phone cheap from UK. And then Timmy took it outta his bags, surprise surprise surprise! Bought from Doha airport some more, hehe. Lub lub and enjoying my wifi! :) :)

A week of tiny things gone wrong

So what went wrong this week that made me think it’s just a not-right-week:

It started on Sunday night when I had this terribly lazy feeling of not wanting to go to work. I thought it was strange as I’ve never had this before. Might be related to the no-mood feeling of having just paid RM180 for a stupid steamed fish.

Monday: The stupid train to Port Klang was early and I missed it. A little bit mang chang already early Monday morning.

• Then it might have been something related to work, I don't remember what it was exactly. I think it was the edits; I hate doing them. And I had no one to ask since T was still off. I really think doctors have the shittiest writing.

Tuesday: Had a terrible night. The first thing that came to my mind as soon as I opened my eyes was: EL. Had period in the middle of the night with terrible stomach pains and even worse back pains. I have no idea how the pain went to the back but I remember it was excruciating. I remember waking up in the middle of the night to do a yoga stretch. The next day, the pain was still there; it was as though I did a major workout the day before. Stuck 2 Salonpas and went to work, despite knowing that it stinks bad. What's the EPO doing, not seeming to help?

• On top of that, I dreamt that my thumb was broken. I had to hold up my thumb the whole time in the dream; else the bone would stick out and fluid from the bone oozed out. When I woke up, I made sure my thumb was upright and yes, it did feel good to have a working thumb.

• Today I am early at the train station but the bloody train was late. Impossible to head towards Port Klang already.

• Went looking for the stupid company clinic at Boulevard; went to 2 to enquire only to find that it’s inside the mall instead. Went there and didn’t wanna wait cos there were a lot of people.

• Brought rice from home for lunch. Heated it up and someone asked if I was eating petai. Another group of bitch entered and said the office smelt like fish. I was NOT eating fish. We stared at each other. I felt very irritable by then as it was the 1st time bringing lunch to work. And then I couldn’t stop coughing. I put back the rice in the fridge, can’t eat it already.

• Went to the clinic again but the doctor is out for lunch until 2.30pm. What kind of idiot has a lunch time that long until 2.30pm. By then I was very angry and frustrated already.

• Did more edits and then found that I had been cross-checking the data against the WRONG database all along. Finding how they were wrong was even more frustrating; I saved the correct one but opened the wrong file! I was so angry with myself. One thing I have noticed is that my alertness is slowly deteriorating. Wondering if it could be a medical condition especially with my constant sleepiness despite sleeping 7 hours at night.

Actually I don't have a good feeling with 2 days of crap already.. wondering what’s in store for the rest of the week.

Wednesday: Needless to say, due to yesterday’s stupidity, had a long feedback from D. As consolation, my decisions were right, just that someone else’s were already right and I ‘corrected’ it again :D whatever. Today’s work was checking tables; I’m familiar with this and I didn’t check each and every single thing. I thought that today showed signs of being improvement.

Thursday: No words to describe this day. I don't know why I arrived at Sentral almost in tears in rotten mood. Maybe I was frustrated that I didn’t hear Timmy’s call. I was angry that he waited since 7.40am when we had agreed to meet at 8.15am. I don't like people waiting for me and I was frustrated that the train was late until about 8.25am. Maybe I was pissed at being seated between 4 bloody Hacketts who can’t bloody stop talking all the way from Klang to KL Sentral. I got pissed when their curly frizzy hair kena my arm, especially Hackett hair! I don't know why I felt so so horrible.

• Reached the office and didn’t feel like doing any work, maybe there was no urgency and I don't work without a deadline. So I did my own stuff for ¾ of the day and struggled to force some work into that ¼. And then I don't feel good, so I had a 20-min nap. And then another 10 min or so. Never felt so moodless and lazy; I just CAN’T do the work. Never felt such torturous waiting for time to pass and my head started to feel light. And started to have thoughts of taking MC. That thought never escaped my mind this week and the only reason I am not doing so is that I bought the train ticket for a whole week already. I find this utterly strange as it's a stark contrast to my being all pumped-up in the previous post. Heck, even when I had 3 days of MC for gastric that lasted a week, I still went to work for 2 days. What a nerd.

• Parked my car this morning by the drain, my previous fav spot. And there was something among the grass that caught my foot and I almost fell into the drain. Wow, something’s really not right hey?

Actually it's just all little things but making me feel down. Timmy attributed it to 'period' but I don't always feel like this.

It’s Friday, come on baby! Feeling a little ok for now, had some positive news and I better sleep early cos I’m starting to wonder if the sleepiness is started to make me cranky (and also affecting my alertness at work).

Gunning for that ...

Last week I finally had the ‘talk’ with T. I had been wanting to for some days but I’m not a person fond of talks, been putting it off and dreading it and finally did it. Glad to have it done and over with.

It was basically a chat to voice my concerns cos I felt that I wasn’t doing enough to take care of my HBV Asia ‘baby’. Felt useless and helpless that I wasn’t in the position to reply emails on costs etc even though it was my ‘baby’. And then China didn’t run, and Taiwan finally didn’t have a client purchase as well after all that lateness and chasing. Ok now it does sound pretty bad but it’s not within anyone’s scope to ‘force’ the clients to buy. It might have been UK’s goals to increase sale but it’s not mine.

T said she’ll speak to some people to give me more things to do, it’s normal to have someone proofread every email sent out and she liked it when I said I feel responsible for the Taiwan’s delay (which in the end didn’t even materialise). She said to get cc’ed and learn this year, for next. It was indeed frustrating cos I know I can do more but don't know what to do.

And then today there was the project briefing. Now this is real cool, so I am totally new to this and I was supposed to brief a fieldwork manager and a project coordinator that have been doing these for years. Even T asked to check if they want to do these, for they know it so well already. So the newbie me want to brief them hahaha. I am the one who needs the briefing instead.

Anyway..

What went wrong:
• The stupid admin exec taught me to press the ‘line 1’ and ‘line 2’ buttons on the keyphone but not the ‘3rd party’ button. Result: I either cut the UK team or the HK team out of the conversation. I took some minutes to figure out and found the ‘3rd party’ button instead. Good that the admin woman apologised

Oh, actually that was the only thing that went wrong :D Paul the research manager sat in too. I’ve never met him and only cc’s him on very important mails, so I guess he’s kinda important. Scary. Altogether 3 ppl from UK, 2 ppl from HK and me in KL :D It feels different to have people dial in. And it’s troublesome to do so (borrow keyphone, book laptop, book meeting room, send the dial-in number to all). But I was the ‘chairman’ of the conference call hehe, and I am getting there soon!

Sim said the briefing went well! It was ok I guess, nothing much. But I don't want to speak about some stupid fcuking idiotic thing that I missed yesterday and today. I really think I need to open my eyes bigger. Luckily she didn’t taruk me and I stupidly told her ‘You didn’t send this, this, this’. Omg. I was stupid today but I learnt how was I being stupid and I won’t be stupid anymore cos I’ve learnt  I was depressed and angry earlier on because of this but had a nap in the train and am ok already. Naps do wonders; you wake up and wonder what was that I was feeling sad on earlier?

Whiner Woman asked today why did I borrow a laptop for the TC. Then she asked that I’m very free, thus helping out with project coordination is it? I just mumble that I am coordinating Asia. Don't wanna say so much, don't wanna let them know what am I doing so that you can’t do and can’t get promoted as well. Fine, think all you want that I am so free.

Oh yeah, that day I made a brilliant move: I suddenly had an idea and asked the 2 new girls if they want an intro to diabetes and heps, and cc’ed T in the mail. So I am the only one who has the initiative to give them an intro huh? ;) proud of my ‘schemes’, hope I don't look like I am trying so hard. And part 2 to remind T when she is back that I am doing ‘something’: Coordinate an intro session for the new girls with all the other disease areas. And cc her :D :D

8 more months to go, if I don't nail it, I’m gonna get pissed. And I think my relationships are suffering because of this. Who cares anyway, I don't need people who need to chat online all the time despite sitting in the same office, nor a pregnant woman who wants to go back together before 5.30pm. And I don't understand what's so great about doing automation, that you get promoted for doing it?? Ok, so maybe you were there for the past 2 or 3 years, so it is due anyway. But I'm gonna do it in 1.5 years!

Malay wedding souvenirs

Just back from Jiana's wedding and Ikea. Tired physically but mind can still talk :D It was strange to be invited to her wedding considering that we were never close in school days and have never kept in touch since leaving school. Anyway..

I've never been to a Malay weddings til err.. recently. I've always thought that bunga telur was still the norm but apparently, they are not given out anymore. So outdated huh? There were none for Ajoy's wedding, Lily's and Man's. But today, there was. Now, the heng thing is to give other pretty things, so pwetty that I have to blog about it :) They fascinate me :)

Those porcelain containers were so cute. Inside was potpourri. In the long paper bag on the right were muffins. That bag was customised with the couple's names on it. Usually it's just some stuff bought from the shops, I think. Hey, there was even a banner with their faces at the entrance of the tent.

The bunga telur! I thought they gave us some cloth when I peeked into the bag :D Erm.. this bunga telur is not pwetty and doesn't look like a bunga also.

I forgot to take one of this for myself :S This is my bro's. The little pouch is cute!! So cute la, so sweet.

This is the souvenir from the last wedding, Man's. Little aluminium tin with tulips! I think I should have kept Timmy's hehe, since it was of another design =P

At the wedding just now, I brought my bro. Haih, he can never not be strange for once. Anyway.. I got a paper bag containing the bunga telur, 1 customised paper bag (containing 3 muffins) and 1 potpourri porcelain. But my bro got just the muffin bag. Before that, we got a porcelain potpourri each. But when Crystal and Pam arrived later, they got another kinda paper bag with a packet of Maggi mee inside (and egg, if I'm not mistaken)? Now that is so so strange bwahaha!

So much effort is put into all these little gifts. I imagine those women in cottage industries stapling and making all those little stuff. Not only 1 kind, but up to 2 or 3 kinds given to each guest. Guess this shows how appreciative they are of our attendance? For Chinese weddings, I think the richer ones will give out fruit cakes. 

And as I was writing this, Pam emailed the links to pictures she took. I found out that when left like that, batteries lose their power. So, I couldn't bring my camera. So, here's me:

Pam wanna take my pic when my mouth is full of rice

That's all folks. And I hate having to give air-kisses. That is sooo not our culture. I don't see what's the point of pretending to put right cheek, left cheek and right cheek again. If you wanna do it, at least just right and then left suffices la!! Grr.. I think right-left-right looks so moronic.