Wrapping up September

Stupid cousin
I was about to be assigned classes for next year at a tuition centre that my cousin also teaches at. Just before I was due to meet the principal, he told that I am ‘unstable’. It wasn’t even the truth but I am lazy to explain myself here.

Why, were you trying to be a good employee? Afraid that I would take over your classes? Um song that I’m getting the same as pay though you started 3 years earlier?

I’m not pissed when you proclaimed ‘concern for my welfare’ when asking me to buy insurance. But turning against your own cousin in favour of an outsider? Heck, I got in there on my own credit! Just leave me to earn my own living.

Well, I got the job anyway. Teaching as many days a week as you do. And now I am so determined to not buy insurance from you. There are tons of other agents around, why should I help you? Your quota is none of my business. Piss me and I’ll piss you. So think before you piss me, else you might already have sealed a deal.

My last sms asked you not to count on me for insurance cos I am unstable. Stim leh, tai sei! And find someone else to take over your class today cos I am ‘unstable’ too. La la la..

4 days a week
No, I didn’t find a new job that has 4 work days; it’s part time. 4 days a week seems a lot. Pay isn’t good considering it’s 4 days a week. Tied down after work and no opportunity to undertake any other better paying offers that come along after it. Worse still, still have to work weekends despite 4 days a week. Am I not ready for commitment yet? I think so, I just want money, not commitment or a 1 year bond.

Wake me up when September ends
Now I know why MCR chose that title. Not March, August, November or December but September. Because September is a stupid month. There being a flurry of posts despite living the same mundane life is not a good sign.

I am not attention or time seeking but knowing that your importance has been demoted just makes you claw your way back to retrieve any remnants that are left. It is a losing battle, in fact it is already lost but just trying to have things back as before. It’s no fun having fear and uncertainty in a relationship.

Anyway, September has already ended and we’ll see how October goes.

Again on why September needs to end
I’m waiting for news on 3 interviews. Really really impatient and trying not to think about it. Why, is it that people are unable to work or make decisions before Raya? Annoying.

BSN
Went to BSN to bank in some money for this lady who luckily has a BSN account in addition to her Bank Islam. Gave the clerk a RM50 note for RM23, and she reached for the calculator to calculate the change. Adoi..

Btw, why would anyone in the right frame of mind open a Bank Islam account? There is Maybank, Hong Leong, RHB, Public Bank, CIMB, EON Bank, UOB, Alliance, Stan Chart, HSBC, OCBC and Al-Rajhi. See, now you are pissed right? Anyway, I have rested my case cos in the end, she’s got a BSN and she makes me money. And if you’re gonna say that there’s also Bank Rakyat, Bank Pertanian or Bank Muamalat, you deserve a punch in the face.

Annoying songs
Was watching The List on [V] that day (or was it MTV?) and that day’s list was on annoying songs. Just wanna share.

(in no particular order)
1. Barbie Girl – Aqua
2. Cheeky Song – Cheeky Girls
3. Thong Song – Sisqo
4. Blue – Eiffel 65
5. Believe – Cher
6. Mmmbop – Hanson
7. Stars are Blind –Paris Hilton
8. Tubthumper – Chumbawamba
9. All the Things She Said – TATU
10. Lemon Tree – Fool’s Garden
11. You’re Beautiful – James Blunt

And the most annoying song at the end of the show was.. Who Let the Dogs Out. OMG, that is really the most hair-raising song!

3 songs that I think should be there are The Ketchup Song, Macarena and Living la Vida Loca despite how much I like Ricky.

Technology Park Malaysia
Went there to seal a job last Friday (while I was on ‘mc’). So one job’s in the bag already but that’s the last resort. Anyway, I’ve never been to TPM and I must say that it is kinda strange to have offices in a park. Inside, I entered a digital library as a ‘staff/student’ and found free Internet! So stim =D But not really free though, considering the parking’s RM2.50 per hour.

There were waterfalls in the building, trying to make it look swanky I guess but the building’s so cold, quiet and looks like a prison.

Swanky part as I look to my right

Just on my left was this murky water. Look at the corridor above, so prison-like right? There was not a single person walking around in this building.

Smart Tag insurance?
Got this in my email.

Even Smart Tag needs insurance?? This shows how bad the crime rate is.

Blog stumbling
Seeing how people stumble upon Timmy’s blog scared me. I mean, how likely is it that you can stumble upon someone’s blog? There are millions of blogs out there! The possibility of finding it is small even when you are specifically searching for it. So the chances of ‘stumbling upon it’ really scares me.

Cos I criticise people all the time =P

Resigned already la!!
Stupid boss wanna squeeze things out of me just before I leave. Stupid training has to be done. I really hate those trainings, it’s very tiring talking 5 hours to lembab clients. Had to do IMS as well but hopefully I’ll escaped the launch of the new version. I’ll make it for the annual dinner either at TGIF, Roma’s or Bubba Shrimp but might miss the trip to Sg Kelah. And considering that MS is such a yau kooi person, she keeps saying Tony Romo’s and Mumbai Shrimp. RomA la and no Mumbai Shrimp HAHAHA!!

“Visit your relatives once in a while” –Bosson-
My cousin said that por-por was asking for me. Haven't heard that word in a long time. Thinking about it, it’s quite saddening that things had to end this way, but then, I don’t need any of them.

To pull (strings) or not to pull?
Career articles always say that you need to use your network when you wanna find jobs. Well, for me, I like getting things on my own merit. I like to know that I got there because I am capable, qualified and passed the interview, rather than because so-and-so got me in. I would feel inadequate. But then, not sure if it’s a wise move because I could be missing out on many opportunities and better pay. Hai, dunno la. Anyway, it’s not that I know a lot of banking people as well.

My mum asked not to have anything to do with any relatives, referring to the tuition centre. Well, I think that’s stupid. I got in there on my own and I didn’t do anything wrong, why do I need to avoid him? It’s not like he owns the centre as well. But then, I could end up being backstabbed as above. Well, do me and I’ll do you.

Gambar yang teruk

I found it so utterly hilarious that Timmy’s mum found my picture teruk =D Muahahaha. So funny la =D

James and India
James wanted to bring toilet paper all the way from here to India cos the people there ‘use their hands’ =D Kin heard the squabbles all the way from the back and skyped me asking James to wear Poise Weak Bladder pads instead hahahah!! Poise Weak Bladder pads are the in-things for us after some client created a ruckus about it. After asking James to wear them, he asked how to and if my boyfriend wears one =D =D

Manga messiah

Got this from my ahyee. It’s the bible written into a manga. It’s so cool, never thought that such a thing existed.

Teacher or student?
I’ve been asked twice by parents if I am studying at the centres. I am a teacher there laa…

At Bukit Rimau last week, a girl asked me how old I am? “Guess?” Her guesses kept getting younger and younger until she stopped at Form 2. Her brother is Form 2 and she thought that we looked the same age. Hmm..

Trying to get an mc
Had to go to the clinic to get an mc. The doctor did the customary blood pressure check and guess what? I’ve got low blood pressure. I don’t think I’ve even heard of it. Said I probably lack sleep, which I always think I do but I thought lack of sleep gives you high pressure instead?

PTPTN
Talking about financial matters with my cousin, I mentioned the PTPTN loan and said “You’re Chinese, pay it back”. It was a very strong sentence. It’s not that I dun wanna repay it. I do think about all the people who have absconded but it never once crossed my mind to skip it. Only have myself to blame for not being able to convert it into a scholarship.

“There’s a reason for everything God make happen” –L.Sue Ann-
I stopped to refuel one morning but the attendant gestured eelek with his hand. I decided to hold it to the next day, which was very good cos the price dropped the next day. I mean, how often is it that there is no petrol when you wanna pump it? It’s a little thing but I think it’s more than a coincidence.

1st Erican-less Sunday
Slept a total of 12 hours and feel so proud of myself :D Started to get bored and restless and luckily there was tkd in the middle of the day. Felt that it was a total waste of time not doing anything nor going anywhere. Dunno how my bro is able to stay home like this.

Guess this is due to being used to being out every single day, that one day at home and I start to get restless and fidgety. No UPSR questions to do as well, urgh.. And there is a 5 day holiday, oh my goodness.. what am I going to do? Mouldy to the max and think my parts will fall off. Really should have gone somewhere.

Relieved
Finally got the assurance that no action will be taken against me should I not want to take up the offer that I have already signed the contract for. Cos I will be sent for training and I have to reimburse them if I wanna quit before that. But since I am not even starting work in the first place, I am free to go! Relieved, relieved..

Good riddance September and welcome October! Think October has more interesting things to offer =)

He could have

I waited but he didn't turn up the usual time. Another 15 minutes and still no sign nor sms. Thought that it was very strange. Walked out, his car could have been parked further down. Nope. Turned off my phone and turned it on again as the message could have gotten stuck somewhere, but nothing too. Sent an sms but no reply. Decided to be the persistent/demanding/controlling/spot-checking girlfriend and give a call. After all, something could have happened. Call #1 was answered and ended in a sec. Call #2 had a shriek that didn't sound like his voice and ended in 2 seconds. Panicked and got out of the car. He could be mugged, he could be held up, he could have got into an accident, he could be abducted, he could be being sodomised (you never know, it's the in-thing nowadays), he could be fighting for his life, he could be fighting off an attacker. Made call #3. At least I recognise his voice now, but it was all in mumbles and I can't make out a word. He could still be mugged, still be held up, still could have gotten into an accident, still be abducted, still being sodomised, still fighting for his life or still fighting off an attacker.

Turns out that he was still sleeping and said that he'll see me in the office instead.

Was I overreacting? Anything could happen these days. And especially when you're expecting to meet and no one turns up. Or should we just be less concern and live our solitary lives.

Btw, this is my 100th post. What a celebration.

Interviews and other tales

Interviews..

• can make me cry
• are all tough
• are annoying and so bloody annoying cos you wait and wait and wait

My tears flowed. The interviewer wasn’t horrible or anything, it’s just that I got so frustrated, miserable, tired and hungry after waiting 7 hours. We were waiting and waiting and waiting but nothing was being done. I vow, swear and promise that I will never ever attend any walk-in interview anymore. I also vow and swear that I will never meet ask for a date after an interview cos it always gets delayed and makes me feel utterly bad.

There are tests for every single interview nowadays. Guess that no one wants to employ stupid people. But since the results are just for the ‘profile’ and does not affect your employability, guess they just wanna know how dumb you are.

I have this concept that if I arrived first and finished the test first, I should be called in first, no? Why the heck did I arrive first and rush through the test then? Annoying is too mild a word to describe how I felt. Will bring something to read for the next interview; I’ve really learnt my lesson.

I’m so glad that my boyfriend is in a position to interview people. Make all those people wait like your baby had to. Make them wait and wait and wait til they start to understand why people commit suicide in prison.

Then I think I’m cocky. I think too highly of myself and looking at other candidates, I think there is no one better than I am. I dunno if I sound over-confident during interviews. Confidence is good but not over. Well, if I did come across as arrogant, there are 2 factors that contributed to it: a little bit of cockiness and speaking fluently compared to the other stuttering candidates who were either nervous or can’t speak proper English. So when someone speaks fluently, you get a cocky.

I so want that job. The cocky me was never this desperate for a job. The location’s good, the company’s good, the environment’s good unlike Samsung and the bonus.. OMHG! My eyes almost popped out when informed of the minimum payout. The EPF’s superb too. Now I realise what my company has been depriving all of us. There is not a single grouse about this position. If I don’t get it, I think I will take it very badly cos I was among the 2 shortlisted out of 47 and to not get it at this stage is … I just really really want this.

It was a short week but I had 3 interviews. Just waiting for offers and when I have a couple of them, selecting the best one is damn syok!

Job-hunting is tiring, both physically and mentally.

Things that are not related to interviews

Interviews are the most happening happenings that are happening in my life right now (how many ‘happenings’ can there possibly be in one sentence).

Resignation
So instead of talking about interviews which I already had, the next thing would be resignation. Oh no, you think, hahaha. Just that last Tuesday, I was feeling kinda sad thinking what James had said. We were on the way to buka puasa after work when he suddenly asked me to pull back my resignation. “Why leh?” I asked. “Cos we all miss you”. I didn’t think anything about it until I was on the drive home. The journey home is always the time when thoughts flow the best. Tears started flowing when I reach home. There will never be a place better than this to work. Everyone’s good. Not only that, but they are fun. No back-stabbing, politicking nor trampling on one another. Another place could only be better if the colleagues bought me lunch or massage my shoulders.

There is absolutely nothing that I am unhappy here. Except the pay. A few days later again, James brought up pulling back the resignation again. What is there to even consider, especially if there is no counter offer? And even if there was, knowing how much bonus is being offered out there will make me say ‘go fly kite!!’

That fella, bapuk bapuk also, can drive into the carpark to drop us off that night and said that he would send us up to the 1st floor if our cars were there, cos “so late already”. Maybe now MS would say that he is gentleman hahaha.

And one year plus here but haven’t picked up a single word of Hakka. Where else am I gonna find Hakka speaking people? And one who is that close to me? Gotta learn up pretty fast, a month more to go.

Stupid song

Take care of yourself
Be nice to your friends
And visit your relatives once in a while

Give love to your family
Take care of your baby
Don't be afraid to open your heart

So lame!! Visit your relatives once in a while? Take care of your baby?? So ROFL, so rolling!! Guffaw guffaw guffaw =D

Oh, it's from Bosson, titled This Is Our Lives, if you wanna download it.

Kaypochis
Go and mind your own business and stop taking care of the sides of people's cloth. You have nothing else better to do ah?

Do your own work!
Yeah I know that always during interviews, I said that teamwork is important, covering for colleagues is too but I don’t mean it! I absolutely hate to do other people’s work. A little is fine but I get so fcuking mad when it takes up the whole of my day. And the person whose work I am doing goes home at 4.45pm. How not to get pissed? The stupid person who created CutePDF writer is a fool too. Don’t create things for the sake of creating it. Didn’t it occur to you that people would need to resize the fonts that you happily shrunken after the conversion?

You must know that I have so many things to do in a day. Chatting with Timmy, playing lit as well, reading The Star, checking Timmy’s blog, looking for jobs, checking my Gawab mail, looking for part-time jobs and checking Lawrence’s and Kevin’s blog. On most days, I have nothing to do. So I get absolutely pissed when I have to stop all the above to do your work. I’m pissed, you know, cos the only work I do in a day is yours.

I reiterate, missing spots are fine but I hate stop presses, PDF conversion and those stupid Astro reports that are endless because the stupid Astro people only want to present things that are in their favour.

The end
Yesterday was my last Erican class. Good riddance! I hate that class. It’s so dreadful doing 5 hours straight, kids are running and making noise, I get disillusioned and sleepy, have to eat bread for lunch and then off to another 1.5 hours of tkd. Absolutely dreadful. But I laugh so hard seeing them scratch each other and kick each other’s butts. So funny!

These are the pics that we took on the last day. We didn’t do much in that final 2.5 hours.

(front row) Kim Hoo and Weng Sum. Kim Hoo's the one who takes a bus with his gf to KP and Weng Sum is teacher's pet =) Miss hugging his round tummy.

(back row) Eu Jie and Empty. Eu Jie asked me to stay til end of the year and if I wanted to share his Maggi mee, so touched.

Poyo kids like their poyo teacher who like to self-snap.

Teacher's pet! Only on the last day he isn't camera shy. And check out his teeth hahaha.

All my classes are about to come to an end. Need a break, yet need the money.

Things that I wanna do

a. Learn Chinese
Am Chinese, proud to be Chinese and I have to do something to be proud to be Chinese. Watch more Chinese serials to pick up Chinese?

b. Get a bracelet

c. Eat lots of food =)
Hadn’t had a good meal in a long time. What’s the point of working so hard but not enjoying the fruits of your labour? Getting fatter but still think I need a reward for my hard work =P

Last but not least, a picture to share..

Like a parasite lodged to the back of her bf =D =D

I like being a parasite, what about you? :D

Monday blues that last beyond Monday

I am not a people person. I am very well an introvert, but all the jobs I get are dealing directly with customers. I dunno as well how I ended up in the current position. I just grabbed it at the sound of the company name. Banking is all about dealing with people. Ok, I rephrase that: Banking in branches is all about dealing with people. Banking in the HQ could be behind the scenes doing research. Well, that’s what I get for opting somewhere nearby, isn’t it? But my current offers aren’t exactly near also?

I am not that keen for Stan Chart. How now, I haven’t even started but am not keen already? Is it because of my current mood where I am tired and not in a good mood? Maybe after a rest and a self prep talk, I’ll feel better.

To go or not to go? Why bother even checking it out if I don’t like the job? But neither do I like the Stan Chart one. Since I don’t like both, I might as well take the nearer one. Hai.. I just can’t deal with people. At the current state where there is so much anger within me, customers aren’t exactly a good idea. With my mentality that customers are always dumb, it’s gonna be a battle.

Hate!! Hate!! Hate!!

In the mean time, I shall stand up and be strong. No more relying on others. It is quite sad to live in solitude but .. what to do? Seems like I'm blogging more often these days though there are no happening happenings but just ramblings and negativities. Hope I am not sinking into depression.

I do miss my old self, I do. I want to be my old mad self.

In the mean time, I have already resigned. So is that the reason why I don’t feel like doing anything? I just don’t feel like doing anything, I don’t feel good, I feel kinda rotten but I dunno why. My whole body is aching, now I know why. My neck and shoulders are always aching. Another 1 month+ to go and you ask me to run ES and test new version? Kanasai.

When is this all going to end? What is going to end in the first place? Will happiness continue to elude me? How can I be thankful and happy but be the opposite the next?

I will not undertake any Science tuition anymore. I know nothing about it and I have no time to read anything about it. It is so damn torturous faking something you don’t know.

I am just so very tired… :( I just live 1 day at a time.

Dunno if I should look forward to Wednesday. I don't like the day but I would get a day of rest. But there's an interview that I don't really enjoy the job, so there is still no day of rest. Will September quickly come to an end? Will the first week of October quickly come to an end? I don't like all of you. Go away, go away, go away, annoying.

I could have

I could have died, I could have got mugged, I could have got into an accident, I could have got abducted, I could have got raped, I could have been murdered, I could have been fighting for my life, I could be fighting off an attacker, I could have been wanting to say my last words.

Would anyone notice my absence? Would anyone know? Would anyone care? Would anyone come to my rescue? Or would they only come when it's too late? Would they regret it then? Or is there nothing to feel sad, guilt, regret or loss about?

I've been talking about getting my EPF nominations done but it's still not done. I wanted to leave my ATM pins behind but still haven't done so. I don't want the money I worked so hard for go to waste; I want my family to have them easily without a fight.

I am tired, I am so fcuking damn tired but I am for sure, sane. Tiredness is my body but I can assure you that I am 100% sane.

While waiting for Timmy..

In 24 hours, everyone in the office knows that I'm resigning. See how the power of mouths are? How fast word and gossip spreads? Only 2 people knew, and that wasn't even the office Streamyx. It was my boss and the HR manager. Just amazed how fast word spreads.

Things are going pretty good actually, I am happy. Work is great, part time work is fine and bf is great =) It's not always that things are happy and I'm enjoying life as it is.

I just realised that I had actually tendered my resignation exactly 3 months after I started. Isn't this such a coincidence that it becomes so strange? I mean, I could have resigned on the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, everyday of the month but why 11th? The offer could have come anytime, my boss could have been absent anytime, and I could have resigned anytime from yesterday til the 17th. The chance of this happening is 3.03%.

And then Timmy and I were at Guardian buying glucosamine for his mum. How often have you heard of glucosamine? I thought that my mum could give it a try too, since she has similar knee problems. When I was just about to tell her this, there was an article in the newspaper about it. How are the probabilites of glucosamines appearing? Try finding lipids in your paper today and see?

Things are pretty packed too for the next few months..

Tomorrow: Tuition, tkd and then to ahyee's house and then to 1U
Sunday: Tuition, tkd (maybe) and then date Timmy
Monday: It's Monday again????

But there's a holiday on Wednesday, followed by Raya and then the fun begins!

Fun #1: Annual dinner
Fun #2: Trip to Sungai Kelah
Fun #3: I resign!

Yes, I resign after the trip and the annual dinner. At least I didn't wait for bonus right? Not that it is much anyway.

And then, a probable holiday to Langkawi! Not sure yet, leave it to my boyfriend to plan la.

Then, I take a good rest for 2 weeks. Or possibly more than that cos I still have 10.5 days of leave left.

17 Nov : Start work! Back to reality!
30 Nov: Some race at Sepang, forgotten what's its name already. HPC I think, where Timmy had paid 265 bucks (I think again) and changed 4 tyres worth RM2200 so that he can race! For me, I go and watch only. Not going to sit in the car and go round and round, can puke wan.

Got a terrible headache now, not sure why but going for steamboat with Timmy after this. Waiting for his arrival, waiting for his arrival, my head is throbbing, wah very sakit lo.

And my students are so great! I was trying to get the title of this song that sounds like Kiss Kiss. Hear it everywhere but dunno what it was til yesterday they started singing it. It's Low by Florida! Low low low..! Thank you Ryane and Rachel!

I resign

I’m sorry to all those that I caused worry to after writing the last few posts. Didn’t mean to and didn’t know that you read them too :) I’m fine now already, I'm ok, I'm ok. Thanks for your concerns.

I sent in my resignation letter today. And my boss is actually away. So with a thumping heart I await tomorrow when she reads it. It’s a good date to make this important step, for it is my father’s birthday today. And with the 2 months’ notice, my last day of work will be my mother’s birthday. So I hope that with these 2 dates, I will get blessings la.

The offered pay was better than I expected. I was happy with it until I found out that I’m on the lower end of the range. All joy was immediately eliminated but I shall push that thought out of my mind and admit that it is good enough already. I’d be travelling the same distance to PJ again, follow the Singapore working calendar but the pay is ok and I wanna get those certification for those banking modules or something like that.

Wooh!! Trying to psych myself up!

And the 90% from Samsung has flew out the window. Annoying. Then they tried to push me into costing, which is actually a nice effort from them but I don’t wanna go back there for interviews anymore. I am so tired of interviews and going around that I skipped the HSBC interview this morning. Not much of that position anyway (trying to console myself hehe).

While there is finally something on my job search, my part time ones are going down. Actually there is nothing confirmed except tkd. Can’t there be both good for me at the same time? Or there cannot be too much of a good thing?

Anyway..anyway.. I’m cool with it. Just a little whining but I am generally pleased with the way things had turned out.

I think I should be thankful, I think I shouldn’t be..
I think I should appreciate it, I think I shouldn’t..
I should take it, I think I shouldn’t..

I consider Timmy my hero; I look up to him. He is my hero because I think he is cool =)

Phuan Sue Anne, happy birthday!

It is big boss' birthday too but he's not here, thus we shall celebrate. Not his birthday but his absence hahaha.

Dear Client..

Did it occur to you that when you complained that my training was too fast, instead of it being ME who was FAST, it was actually YOU who was SLOW? I am not one who can't take criticism but please think logically. In a room of 3 people, I believe that God did not make the other 2 geniuses and you average. It is more likely that God made them average and you stupid. Cos the majority of humans on earth are of average intelligence.

Let me recap why I think you are the one below average. I think you must be either very dumb or deaf.

People defined their channel network at their first attempt but you needed 4 or 5 to get it right. Thrice you claimed that you have added this and that to the layout but it isn’t there. Someone asked me what is SAT and half an hour later, you asked me what it is. That was not the only repeated question. You proclaimed loudly that share and commercial share are the same. You asked if TVR and cost/TVR are the same. Why don’t you knock on your skull and see if there is anyone at home? If there is, ask her why would anyone bother creating identical variables with different names? And then you asked if I am conducting some strange sounding training, only to realise that it’s your own company’s internal training. Hello, gone cuckoo ah? You refused to leave when training has ended, saying that it ended earlier than scheduled.



Then you exclaimed that the help file is empty!! Can you see that you can expand the menu up there? You might have noticed that I just pointed things to you instead of answering you. Cos I was trying to keep cool. It’s shocking that a young lady like you is an IT dinosaur. The other 2 IT dinosaurs (this term is coined by my boss who is absent today) is well into their fifties and has every right to be a dinosaur. I would have called you a cab but since you pissed me off, I suggested you walk out to Hilton instead =D Well, it is a fact that cabs and busses ply the Federal highway =D Never step on my toes.

Please remember that the others had no problems at all; you were always so lagging behind in every module.

P/S One last piece of advice for you: Kalau dah bodoh tu, janganlah kuat sangat. Takut orang tak tahu ke?

Loneliness on a Saturday night

Lonely, lonely, lonely...it's time to head home and sleep anyway. Sleep and start a new day of teaching stupid tuition. Don't feel like going for tkd after that. Hang on in there baby, 2 weeks more to go..

Where are you when I need you the most..? :'(

Not in the right state of mind

James, don’t.ever.question.the.reports.I’ve.sent.out. You are nowhere near me in Arianna, so just shut the fcuking hell up.

MS, doesn’t it ever get into the thick head of yours after sending forecast files for almost 2 years? Check the bloody version you did it with!! And then you go to bloody Japan for more than a week and leave me a piece of shit behind? I knew the problem right at the start but did it ever occur to you that it took 2 days to correct it and then finally had to reinstall the pc? If you had done it correctly all along, you would have noticed that the pc needed reinstallation.

YF, you asked me how many free-to-air channels are there. Hello, anyone in the right frame of mind knows that!! What’s wrong with you? And you’re in a tv research company!! What’s so very wrong with you??!

And to the fucking people who merrily asked me if I am fasting or telling me that I should fast, FUCK OFF!!!

I am a fighter. I need no sympathy.
I am a fighter. I need no sympathy.
I am a fighter. I need no sympathy.

It had been one hell of a week. I think September is not a good month, especially the 1st week. It must be the work of the hungry ghosts. Have you all gone back already or not?

I tried to save/patch/better a relationship. That’s the least I could do. I don’t want to besieged with guilt for not making any effort. I don’t want to regret for not saying what I want to, for not hearing what wanted to be said and for not seeing each other for the last time. That is why I did the unexpected by making the first approach. I think I’ve matured or grown or just love this man so much; I no longer wait for the other party but as I said, it wasn’t proper to have an argument on YM though I know that a divorce is valid via SMS. What cowards.

Anyway.. anyway..

The mind is an evil tool. So I wanna write a message to ‘it’.

Dear Brain,

Please don’t let it think anymore. You only cause Heart pain. Don’t think about anything anymore and you are only allowed to think of ways to make money from now on. Whenever Hands are driving to work, you can only think of ways to make money. When Eyes cannot fall asleep at night, you can also think only of ways to make money. Stay within the constraints of the Cranium, don’t go out there too far and always remember, think only of ways to make money. Please please don’t think of anything else.

Love,
Baby Sue

Okie.. that should be it. I feel better now. I seriously feel better after writing that, as I had been feeling very irritable and mang chang. Now itself very mang. Have a great urge to bash someone in the head. The sandbag at the centre is so bloody heavy and doesn’t move an inch after being kicked, only the foot hurts, adding more to my frustration.

But for now, I shall chant “I am great, I am great, I am great” though I know very well that I think too highly of myself and people including the ones I love don’t see me for the very least good that I have. Or am I really no good ah? Totally useless and not worthy at all? :( But come to think of it, my self evaluation didn’t turn up any good as well. So that says it; loss won’t a difference to the world.

Have changed the … this month. After equalling my gross pay, I’m not making money as hard as last month. Dunno if it’s due to tiredness or just have no mood anymore. Classes will be stopped at this time of the year and I chose to quit Erican at the same time too. Come what may la. Erican lagi satu yang belum kena tiao. Tired and don’t care already.

I am great, I am strong, I will be fine. I am great, I am strong, I will be fine. I am great, I am strong, I will be fine. (self soothing mantra)

A trip to Shah Alam, Tesco and the Merdeka weekend.

The Friday during the school holidays, I took leave and we went to Shah Alam. We were only supposed to go to Wet World but my brother wanted to go to this place..

It is an interesting place and an enlightening trip, I enjoyed myself there. I took many pictures.

Some people having a discussion, I don’t remember which.

Some people having fun..

And this is one scene that honestly fascinated me for the perspective. It’s Jalan Tengku Kelana in the olden days.

These are lumps of mud in the shape of poo that people used as currency in the olden days. The more it resembled poo, the more valuable it is (my own theory) So the one at the top right will get you 3 pigs and a bag of complimentary bah kut teh herbs of A1 brand.

After that, we went to the library next door. This is for the benefit of those poor things who haven’t had the opportunity to set foot in the wonderful Sultan-something library.

Surprisingly, there were a lot of people at the library, most of them school kids doing their studies though.

I fell asleep on the table. My bro woke me up when he was ready to go.

So I have found a new penchant for photography. Not sure where the influence came from, could have been Lawrence or Kevin but the food pics are definitely gotten from MS my yau kooi colleague. Not a food blogger yet but I enjoy taking food pics cos they look so good and colourful and I’ve decided to put them at the side of the blog. Still not a food blogger yet cos I don’t have the ability to describe food like ‘it has a sweetest tinge, tangy yet not too overpowering’. No, I am just not that descriptive.

Verdict: It is an interesting place and an enlightening trip; I enjoyed myself there. Hahahaha.

And then, to Tesco.. Quite exciting too. This is real, no hint of sarcasm =D

I think I've heard of gambir though.

See, you’ve never heard of these things too right? So a trip to Tesco can be more enlightening than to the museum =D

And then there are some splendid things that I can’t help but to share.

These are the most spectacular looking mihun that I have ever seen. Just look at the one circled! It’s so marvellous that if you throw it at your boss’ head, he will bleed =D

These are marvellous kuey tiao too. There are no words to describe its marvellous-ness; dunno which is more marvellous, the mihun or the kuey tiao. I think the kuey tiao wins hands down.

After that, buy some of these. Curiosity got the better of me, so I opened it and found that it was actually sachets of sugar.

So now you know where to go if you want to shop for jungle herbs to boil an aphrodisiac soup for your boyfriend or to buy dinner for your mother-in-law =D

Merdeka weekend

Day 1: Went to Jusco to satisfy craving #1. A-Mix set at Kim Gary!!
Day 2: Went to Genting and bought a necklace there. Nice necklace.. =)
Day 3: Went to the Curve and satisfied craving #2. Friday’s Shrimp!! But the menu had changed; there was no Ibu sauce, no more vege with the shrimps and the amount of fries were reduced drastically. Boycott and don’t wanna pong chan anymore. But still wanna eat their shrimps la, that day my mum shared with me and I didn’t have enough to eat =S

Next thing to eat is.. Friday’s Shrimp? :D No no no, I want dim sum at BT Dim Sum house. At the time of writing, already had some with Timmy. The prawn in fried fu chok is heavenly.. The fu chok melts in your mouth, really! No need to go to Kepong for their dim sum, there are better ones near my house!

(Titleless)

90% there
I waited half an hour for the bloody interview. It seems that they were conducting it just for the sake of doing it, for the girl told me that they were looking for someone to interview me. What the fcuk? I did consider walking out; I am that arrogant. But I ain’t gonna waste half my day of leave for nothing.

The reason for accepting this job wouldn’t be right. I just want a change. Anything to remove everything. I dunno what to do.

No more reloads
My free reloads have finally ceased. I am pissed. Now there is the chore of remembering when do they expire and then go in search of a shop. I haven’t done that in years as the reloads just come automatically each month. Then, there are extra expenses. Idiot. But then, I can’t expect my ex-boyfriend to supply credit for me to call my boyfriend right? I did ask him to remove my name from the list but he just said nvm. Loong2 si fatt kwai is a good man. He was willing to change for me, to even drop his beliefs. =(

But I just got a message sent to all dealers. I get sms but not reloads? Where the fcuk are they?

Stupid mother
Some people are so unbelievably ridiculous. This stupid woman, Imelda was making noise because her daughter missed the tkd exam. I said that Edwin had already issued a notice to everyone and it is impossible to miss it as well as there would be reminders and preparations going on in class. Make noise, make noise, make noise and then she said that her daughter hadn’t come for weeks. Well, whose fault is it, moron? You can’t stay at home and then scold people for not telling you that Giant caught fire, isn’t it? I told her off and then she said that Edwin should call those who did not get the notice. Does that no-brainer know how many classes he teaches and how many students are there per class? Whose fault is it in the first place?

Please, before you talk, remember that it reflects how many brain cells you have. Or just don’t become those irritating mothers.

FYI, this is the mother who allowed her kids to ride the school bus just because they said that they never had the chance to go to school by bus. How far is the school from home? 100m. From Chen Chen Ho to SK Batu Unjur. On the first and only day, they took too long to reach home, so she went to the school to search for them and found them still waiting in the bus. She took them out of the bus, paid the fare for the month of RM22 and that’s all the bus-riding experience. My mum taruk her as well, serves her right.

A mother I will become: A message to my cute kids who take after their mother
a. Tkd and piano won’t make you better people or make you earn more later in life, but it is more for leisure and exercise. I won’t impose those on you; you shall only take it up if you have the interest. Will expose you to it though so that the interest will grow. But if you do take up tkd, you need to have at least a black belt before you quit. But quitting piano is acceptable =P

b. No playing stupid games in the arcades. Those drum-beating or dancing around games are absolutely stupid and make not only you look stupid but mummy and daddy as well. How lame that beating a drum can be made into a game. I’ll enrol you for drum class if you want.

c. No junk food. No Twisties, Mr Potato or whatsoever. They shall be kept solely for mummy or daddy when you are all asleep.

d. No tuition, piano, drum or tkd classes on weekends. I believe you need rest. Mummy wants to sleep and then go shopping too. Daddy could send you for the whatever classes but I want you and Daddy to come along and spend the day together.

e. If possible, no tuition for you too. I don’t believe in those tuition classes looking at the way they are run. But I’m lazy to teach you, go and ask daddy instead.

I shall not be an annoying, over-protective mother who passes the responsibilities solely to the teacher and then come to school and be a nuisance.

Lessons for you

1. There is a creature that is thick-headed and has something dangling in the front. It is called a Man.

2. If you see a man who has fallen down, the least you can do is to bandage his wound. Even if you don’t want to bandage it, it’s better that you walk away than to rub salt in. It doesn’t help the least and it hurts.

3. It is selfish to say that change only involves the changing person. It does affect the people around you. A very simple example would be: If you farted, it would change the smell of the air. What do the others do? Close their noses. So, that is the effect. The same thing goes if you become a murderer. You think your family is happy? Do you not think they will be affected emotionally and physically? So please think before you change, cos you don’t live in solitude.

4. Remember those essays that you always wrote in school saying that the Internet is bad influence for the kids and youth? Yes, there is actually some truth in it. I used to laugh that people aren’t that vulnerable but now I laugh no more. The Internet really pollutes your mind and stains a very beautiful white cloth. Especially Youtube.

5. The environment that you are in makes or breaks you.

I already said that I don’t wanna know, then why did I try to ask knowing very well that I wouldn’t like the answer? The answer disgusted me, the image unfolding in my mind further disgusted me. From today onwards, I shall not wonder anymore cos I will regret it. I will fight instead.

At times, I think I am a fighter. At times, I feel that I am full of sorrow that I don’t have the will to carry on. I don’t have the will to teach all those tuitions and tkd anymore. I don’t feel like coming to work. I am so fucking tired of crying at work. I just don’t feel like doing reports, don’t feel like talking to people, don’t feel like living. Nothing drives me. I don’t have anything to look forward to. I just wanna forget it all, pretend that it was all a dream and curl up in bed and sleep. It’s marvellous what sleep can do for you. When you wake up, you wonder what was that sorrow all about, was it just a dream? Until you check your phone and reality slaps you in the face again. That is why some people choose to sleep ‘forever’.

I’ve lost my pillar of strength and the joy of my life. FUCK has become my favourite word and I don’t remember when I started becoming this person full of anger and not the jovial joker anymore.

I do appreciate everything I have. I just want the things I have to remain forever but I’m fighting a losing battle.