The Horriblest English I've Ever Seen!! (Yet)

I'm so amused, horrified and excited on this piece of text found that I need to share it immediately!! (I've only blogged at work from scratch once or twice, most were drafted at home, so you know how excited I am).

While looking up a tuition centre, I found this tutor's profile. He is a Statistics graduate from UPM and advertised his tutoring services. Below is his description of himself..


Motto
"Generate more bright and excellent student"

Self Description
Friendly,Outgoing,determined to born a lot of A's students but i'm a serius character person while in studies.

Proven Track Record
I have helped my sister to score 7A's in PMR and 9A's 1B in SPM.I'm currently a part time tutor giving Tuition in statistics for applied sciences in UPM.

Achievement
I'm a undergraduate from UPM at degree of Statistic.Won a lot of certificate in study through out my secondary school.I'm a top students in school,class,Add-maths,physique,history n etc.I'm involved n participated in biology,chemistry and physique quizzes represent my school at the Petaling district level.Conclusion I'm can be considered as a scholar.Now i graduated with an second upper class degree in my university at my convocesyen.

Utterly atrociously horrendous!!! What's wrong with this fart? Hahahaha.. Can't even spell 'convocation'. And the worst part is.. I think I know this guy!! He's a coursemate as well as boyfriend of an ex-form 6 classmate cum coursemate-turn-enemy =D

Well there are many factors that made me think it is him:
Age 24 : Correct
Race Chinese : Correct
Gender male : Correct
Staying location Shah Alam : Correct
Marital status Single : Correct
Transportation Yes : Correct
Statistics grad from UPM : Correct
Part-time tutor at Jabatan Matematik UPM : Correct
Part-time tutor at ... tuition centre in Klang : Correct (cos his gf stays in Klang and he can teach after dating her, yucks)

(Shudders!) This guy is sort of like the country bumpkin of the Maths and Stats course. I remember that we were having doubts on taking Mandarin as an elective subject, fearing that it could be tough. Jenny was saying "But even LH also can get A- wor?" And we went "Wah..!!" So that is his reputation. But after we got all our results, I thought that getting an A- for a Chinese is very err.. dumb? =P Especially when he speaks Mandarin and I speak none.

So when this ex-classmate cum coursemate hooked up with him, we were kinda shocked. Mostly because of his reputation. I wouldn't wanna tutor my bf and watch over him in uni to make sure he's not failing =D But then, this girl had no friends either, so she might as well. At least she now has someone to talk to in class rather than spend her entire 3 years in solitude in uni. I wasn't that lonely and desperate to find myself a bf there (cos I already had one at that time =D) cos all local uni guys are strange! Hahahaha..

When I'm feeling nasty one day, I shall reveal her name but the form 6 gang should already guess who is it and share my sentiments since we all don't like her =D =D

Back to the utterly atrociously horrendous English, muahahaha!! (rolling on the floor with laughter) Yucky couple!! (rolling on the floor with laughter)

Buat malu UPM saja!! Makes me geli til I got goosebumps. I got the same goosebumps when Timmy told me this morning about a rat that had become keras in a pail of water in his bathroom. That word keras really makes me shiver!

And anyway, why am I so free today? Cos both bosses are away! And Timmy is having an interview 15 floors below. Yeah, in the same building. Same building where I work! So I'm waiting for him now while I do my 'work' in the office.. =)