I’ve been rather bothered by the fact that I’ve been staying late at the office almost daily every day. ‘Staying past 5.30pm’ is a term alien to the global healthcare team; everyone leaves on the dot at 5.30pm. It would feel lonely already at 5.40pm, super late at 6pm and super duper late to the point of feeling depressed at 7pm.
So what went wrong? When did I start working late? Why do I have to work late? What was I doing until I needed to work late?
After several weeks, it is time to do a post mortem to find out so. For it does trouble me; I wonder was my inefficiency to blame?
So..
When did I start working late?
Since D replaced N. By right nothing should change but the way we work now has changed. We throw the stupid decks back and forth, picking up where the other has left off.
Why do I have to work late?
Trying to do as much as I can. Trying to finish what I believe I should be able to, but wasn’t.
Why?
I don't know why I was not able to finish what I expected to. Updating slides doesn't seem so tough a job, sometimes the tables have already been set up. But unexpected shit happens like having to run past data. This means having to create the tables from scratch, finding the right database in the bloody slow UK network and then after all that, DR crashes due to having several of it opened, each to cater to 1 phase. So that was why I took so long. (was that an excuse or a real answer to the solution?)
What was I doing until I needed to work late?
I had stopped chatting, I have stopped FB-ing, I don't even read the news sometimes first thing in the morning but I occasionally check my mail and find none. I hardly go out for lunch too. So tell me where I went wrong? Plain slowness?
I am doing more stuff now – HBV Asia project coordination but it doesn't take up a lot of my time. Yes I do spend some time on it but the ones I was doing late were stupid slides. Project coordination doesn't really take up much time cos I’m like well..checking that people do their work. Kinda cool to have people sending my updates hehe =)
I think I put too much expectations on myself. I want myself to do xx number of slides but it’s not actually doable. I don't even actually have to do that much, for UK will pick up where I left off. It’s just that I want to do a lot, and I’ve already gotten into trouble by delivering quantity but not quality. So maybe this week, I’ll not push so much upon myself and leave on time. I wanna leave a bit later (for looking good purpose) but not that late cos travelling home takes another 2 hours.
I tried to do some almost scrum-like stuff – setting a target time to complete. It’s good in the sense that I have an urgency and don't do things my own sweet time but to do it boom boom boom, but it puts more pressure on myself. Haih..
I think for this week: Before I start, I set a (reasonable) target. Plan properly and have a clear picture rather than membuta tuli. Pay more attention to stuff and be more alert (this means not being in a zombie-like state at work)
Am I on track to getting promoted at the end of this year or not?
Maybe I have too many things on my mind and am tired, as ahyee said. So let me list what’s bugging me, should be lesser now that the house paperwork is done (but worrying about payments instead).
1. article writing – going ok. Sometimes there is a deadline and this freaks me out cos ‘staff doesn't deliver’. Payment for some are not coming. Some have to be chased.
2.tuition – down to 2 students. One I need to go to the house and kecoh about payment issues, the other is not reliable as a source of income. Want to get more students but when I do, I find it difficult pulak.
3. maths question – ok, staff performing
4. open office – stupid asshole who doesn't review my work and now gives me amendments to do all at one go. if he had looked at them earlier, I wouldn’t have done them the ‘wrong’ way. Asshole. Sort of given up on the total amount to be earned already.
5. English questions – doing this on my own. This is the only thing I am doing actually, yet feel so busy. Busy managing staff kot :D
6. possible new article writing, a one-off job. Would be doing it myself if I get it, don't trust people to do it for me. And will be learning a lot about Buddhism too if I do this :)
I think that’s all for now, actually I can’t remember what else is in my mind. I can’t fall asleep cos there are many things in my mind and I fear that when I fall asleep, I’ll forget them. And I still don't want to sleep at night despite vowing, crossing my heart that I WOULD sleep early at night.
I set a maximum bedtime then, max 12.30am. Gradually reduced to 12am. Still wonder how can one feel so sleepy at the office til it almost feels like dying despite 7 hours of sleep and an additional 30 mins in the train in the morning.
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