Why...?

Why are there 5 work days a week?
Why is there an air of sorrow as though someone just died?
Why does no one understand or even listen?
Why is there no shoulder to cry on?
Why do thoughts of Monday seem so dreadful that there are no words to describe the feeling?
Why do days come to a stand still when you just want it to pass?
Why does time fly when you don’t want it to?
Why are people cold and unkind?
Why are there bitches?
Why do I start to hate everyone?
Why is happiness never for long?
Why is happiness so difficult to find?
Why do I feel dreadful, horrible, miserable and so unhappy deep down inside?
Why do tears never run out so that no more can flow?
Why do people forgo happiness for money?

I do feel a bit better after talking to Timmy and he finally listened and responded. Being alone in sadness feels stabbing, having someone to just listen does help a bit. Having someone to acknowledge that there is a problem would be better. It’s all in the head but there is nothing at all that I can think of to give myself a wee bit of glimmer. The main problem is that I cannot pinpoint what the cause of sadness is. There is just depression in everything. I look at the bracelet I made to remind myself to be thankful. Usually I’d have a tiny thing to console myself to be thankful for, but now there is absolutely nothing for me to be grateful for. There is nothing to look forward to, there is no reason for me to wake up each day. I am not like the rest, I am not the majority. A personality test singled me out like I was a freak. They said I was unique, but it reaffirms that my head is complicated.

When can I stop crying?
How do I work hard for happiness?
How could a dream job backfire so badly?

I don’t know how to work hard for my happiness. It’s not something that can be worked for but to totally eliminate it. I feel rotten the very moment I wake up everyday. How can I go by the day when I already feel like crying the very minute I wake up? Waking up is just so so depressing. Mornings are the most depressing and lonely times. Thoughts of the time when I felt like ramming my car into a tree start flooding back.

Timmy asked what I want for my birthday. I replied I just want happiness. I don’t want anything else. I just want a box of happiness. This birthday I am not surrounded by happiness.

To quote Jason Mraz in Mr Curiosity,
“It’s my birthday, but I cannot find no cause for celebration”

This line has to written from experience? At least someone knows how I feel.