Gunning for that ...

Last week I finally had the ‘talk’ with T. I had been wanting to for some days but I’m not a person fond of talks, been putting it off and dreading it and finally did it. Glad to have it done and over with.

It was basically a chat to voice my concerns cos I felt that I wasn’t doing enough to take care of my HBV Asia ‘baby’. Felt useless and helpless that I wasn’t in the position to reply emails on costs etc even though it was my ‘baby’. And then China didn’t run, and Taiwan finally didn’t have a client purchase as well after all that lateness and chasing. Ok now it does sound pretty bad but it’s not within anyone’s scope to ‘force’ the clients to buy. It might have been UK’s goals to increase sale but it’s not mine.

T said she’ll speak to some people to give me more things to do, it’s normal to have someone proofread every email sent out and she liked it when I said I feel responsible for the Taiwan’s delay (which in the end didn’t even materialise). She said to get cc’ed and learn this year, for next. It was indeed frustrating cos I know I can do more but don't know what to do.

And then today there was the project briefing. Now this is real cool, so I am totally new to this and I was supposed to brief a fieldwork manager and a project coordinator that have been doing these for years. Even T asked to check if they want to do these, for they know it so well already. So the newbie me want to brief them hahaha. I am the one who needs the briefing instead.

Anyway..

What went wrong:
• The stupid admin exec taught me to press the ‘line 1’ and ‘line 2’ buttons on the keyphone but not the ‘3rd party’ button. Result: I either cut the UK team or the HK team out of the conversation. I took some minutes to figure out and found the ‘3rd party’ button instead. Good that the admin woman apologised

Oh, actually that was the only thing that went wrong :D Paul the research manager sat in too. I’ve never met him and only cc’s him on very important mails, so I guess he’s kinda important. Scary. Altogether 3 ppl from UK, 2 ppl from HK and me in KL :D It feels different to have people dial in. And it’s troublesome to do so (borrow keyphone, book laptop, book meeting room, send the dial-in number to all). But I was the ‘chairman’ of the conference call hehe, and I am getting there soon!

Sim said the briefing went well! It was ok I guess, nothing much. But I don't want to speak about some stupid fcuking idiotic thing that I missed yesterday and today. I really think I need to open my eyes bigger. Luckily she didn’t taruk me and I stupidly told her ‘You didn’t send this, this, this’. Omg. I was stupid today but I learnt how was I being stupid and I won’t be stupid anymore cos I’ve learnt  I was depressed and angry earlier on because of this but had a nap in the train and am ok already. Naps do wonders; you wake up and wonder what was that I was feeling sad on earlier?

Whiner Woman asked today why did I borrow a laptop for the TC. Then she asked that I’m very free, thus helping out with project coordination is it? I just mumble that I am coordinating Asia. Don't wanna say so much, don't wanna let them know what am I doing so that you can’t do and can’t get promoted as well. Fine, think all you want that I am so free.

Oh yeah, that day I made a brilliant move: I suddenly had an idea and asked the 2 new girls if they want an intro to diabetes and heps, and cc’ed T in the mail. So I am the only one who has the initiative to give them an intro huh? ;) proud of my ‘schemes’, hope I don't look like I am trying so hard. And part 2 to remind T when she is back that I am doing ‘something’: Coordinate an intro session for the new girls with all the other disease areas. And cc her :D :D

8 more months to go, if I don't nail it, I’m gonna get pissed. And I think my relationships are suffering because of this. Who cares anyway, I don't need people who need to chat online all the time despite sitting in the same office, nor a pregnant woman who wants to go back together before 5.30pm. And I don't understand what's so great about doing automation, that you get promoted for doing it?? Ok, so maybe you were there for the past 2 or 3 years, so it is due anyway. But I'm gonna do it in 1.5 years!