I just hit the divider and my bumper is now hanging. I really did not see the divider there when I parked. When was it since that I became so unobservant? I hit the kerb a few days back too. I drove too near a car at the junction. I bumped someone’s car at Giant. I narrowly avoided ramming someone in front of ACS. All within a span of 3 weeks. I am starting to worry for my own safety on the road and thinking that I am not fit to be on the road.
I mean, there really is something wrong if I were to hit a kerb. It’s not like I passed my driving last week. I got kinda depressed after that. Aren’t there enough things already for me to handle?
Suddenly my bumper’s damaged. I can’t get my fucking money from the fucking Edwin, 800 bucks of it. My mother makes noise that the modem is on her cupboard. My brother curses and yells like he’s the big shot but he actually doesn’t know anything. My chargeable batteries are lost/thrown away out of his stupidity. Yet I get yelled at. There was fire coming out of the room fan. I fear for my family’s safety. The bathroom door came apart. Internet gets disconnected every now and then. I am so tired from tuition. I chipped the glass of the coffee table. My mother has a frown all the time on her face even when we go out for dinner. We don’t speak at dinner but look in opposite directions. Ahyee is depressed and this family is torn apart. I need to get a place quick for my family and for my career. I feel that I haven’t achieved anything despite being 25 this year.
On top of that, I really dread going to work and I miss my boyfriend so much. Something has gone terribly wrong and I am affected terribly. I want to revamp my life; change all aspects of it. But I want to do it fast to bring myself out of this slum but I can’t rush into it. I don’t want to grab anything out of desperation. But I just want an escape fast, really fast.
At times I think of running away and leave this all behind me. Like my ahyee who wanna do volunteer work in a foreign country, where you get peace of heart and mind.
1 comment:
Hey, in times like this, the best thing to do is to just let it be. Like good times, bad times will eventually pass. The only difference is we are addicted to being happy and don't want good things to end. It's a cycle and you just have to learn to live through each cycle with a sense of detachment.
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