The much awaited weekend has finally arrived. I sort of can’t believe that I made it, that something impossible is finally here. It was a long arduous week, both mentally and physically. Mental fatigue will wear you out faster than the physical one. I failed again, I failed to abstain. I should have been practising and bracing myself but I was just too fragile emotionally. Short-lived happiness was better than none at all.
How can one feel so emotional til wanna puke?
I have started to drive whole-heartedly. Whole-heartedly as in driving with my heart and mind on the road. 1 hit and 1 near-hit in 2 days made me realise that I gotta do something. I hadn’t hit anyone since the days that I worked in Jusco when JC had to come to my rescue, checking my car and settling things with the asshole who furiously pounded my window asking me to get out. It was stupid, and it will be even more stupid to hit someone after driving for 7 years. My mind wasn’t 100% on the road, the near-hit wasn’t my fault, but might have been prevented if my mind wasn’t so cluttered. The screech that my bro heard when he was IN the school compound was MINE. It was that loud and the loudest I have ever done.
Sometimes I think that everything started because I joined Toyota.. Phil Chang’s song singing Jiu Shi Ni De Zhuo (It’s all your fault) runs in my head, but to the amended Jiu Shi Wo De Zhuo. And while I was writing this, a song was playing called Wo De Xin Tai Luan (My heart is too messy), written by the person who wrote Huang Hun. There was a line saying that ‘my heart is too messy til I can’t cry out anymore’. But the stupid CD sangkut at this song instead. Suddenly feeling sentimental and now I understand why some people like to listen to Mandarin songs; the lyrics are erm.. kinda feely. Btw, not sure if the title of the songs are correct.
Suddenly missing some of the songs that I’ve heard play over and over again. And turns out that this CD has a lot of nice songs that I never knew was inside =)
I think as long as you listen to English songs as well, then you pass the yeh test =D
I dunno why I always choose to speak Mandarin, the dialect that I can speak least. Just found it easier to get the tone compared to Cantonese which is still off-key despite speaking it religiously for 5 years.
Anyway..
There aren’t enough hours in a day. After work, there is office work to be done, tuition classes to teach, lessons to prepare and UPSR questions to do. Undertaking Science classes mean that I have to read up, unlike English or Maths that I can just teach on the spot. Well, guess money is not easy to earn. Work 5 days a week, tuition 4 nights a week and some asshole want me to do tkd both days on weekends. What makes this person more assholic is that he says he will call me to pay me my salary. No call until he wants to order me to teach. Then feeling guilty, he says he wanna meet some time to pass me my pay. Nothing again, and the next call is to again ask me to teach some class. Shitty man. Shows what kinda personality he has. Don’t forget that you owe me money before ordering me to teach more classes.
Tired tired tired.. dunno why my day job wears me out so much and I haven’t even started much tuition yet.
But there seem to be a lot of time if there is no activity for the night. I came home, had a nap, had dinner and it’s only 9pm! There is still a lot of time to play around on the laptop.
In comparison, Mr Tay said that I can give personal tuition using his centre. As in something like home tuition but I do it at his place. He only wants RM5 out of my earnings for electricity. How nice can a man be? How nice can a man be? He himself is in the tuition line, and me taking up 1 of his classes will mean he has 1 room less and many business opportunities less as well. Hearing him say this touched me to near-tears. (I am in teary mode these days). I just feel so blessed to know this man and.. he’s just a really good guy. He called me that day, just to tell me that he’s back from overseas and available if I wanted to talk knowing how troubled I am. I will not let him down and teach those kids with the very best I can. He asked me to come over for a BBQ at his place this weekend as well. Yum yum, haven’t had a BBQ for ages.
Btw, is it a wise idea to take relationships and marriage advice from someone whose marriage failed? I don’t think so.
The people at Toyota are so cold that when I find someone who actually explains things to you without making you feel that you require a big favour from them, makes me feel so aww.. There is this guy, who asks to be called TC, who despites having to provide me data, starts things with ‘Good morning’ and ends it with ‘Have a nice weekend’. It scared me! Only the person requiring the favour would usually do this. I haven’t even met him. There is another girl who wasn’t that sugary but she took time to explain things to me too. No worries though, I am adapting and not going to be so kind to anyone who asks for my time. Things here are that hectic; everyone has to watch their own stuff rather than entertaining anyone else.
Everyone everywhere is saying that we should cut expenses etc. I don’t feel like it, don’t feel like depriving myself of the little indulgences that I think I fairly deserve for my hard work. As shallow as it seem, to binge-shop, it is not really shopping but rather not thinking twice whenever I wanna buy an item here or 2. I mean like, I don’t want to have the worrying feeling seeing my grocery trolley pile with unnecessary things.
Wasn’t initially looking forward to CNY but seeing my mum buy foodstuff that day gave me a little mood. There were already beer and drinks promoters at Tesco. One of them asked if we wanna buy shandy. As we walked off, my mum said “We don’t drink shandy, we’re Christians.” I found it so hilarious that I still lol as I wrote this.
2 more weeks to CNY. OMG, it’s that near! Not particularly enthusiastic about CNY but looking forward to the hols! After that, it’s Thaipusam! And then it’s back to reality but let’s not delve into there yet.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Back to fucking reality
Tomorrow denotes the fucking day back to reality.
School starts.
The fucking jam starts.
The fucking jam up the MPK slope starts.
No more holidays.
No more days when the fucking BB will be away.
Tuition starts.
Tkd starts.
Real work and work and work.
No more rest and totally back to work.
What the fuck. Can life get any fuckier?
School starts.
The fucking jam starts.
The fucking jam up the MPK slope starts.
No more holidays.
No more days when the fucking BB will be away.
Tuition starts.
Tkd starts.
Real work and work and work.
No more rest and totally back to work.
What the fuck. Can life get any fuckier?
Friday, January 2, 2009
Gaming tips =)
My ex-company’s Toshiba laptop said that the wrong CD is inserted after I had installed Outrun Coast to Coast. 1 year later, my Acer says the same thing too. I tried GTA San Andreas, same thing. So I know it’s not the laptop nor the game, it’s the whole ideology.
Timmy said that the game has to be cracked after installation. OH!! OHH!! (x2, one for 2008 and one for 2009) How would I know? My games have never needed to be cracked.
“The crack is inside the CD. You are 10% away from the game. You should be able to install it problem (this is Timmy’s msg, not sure what it means!)”
What is crack? How to crack?!
The laptop will crack when I hurl in to the wall. Deprivation, frustration and accumulated anticipation quite tempted the animal out of me. I endured the drive home, decided to install it despite being utterly sleepy, the installation took ages (to me) and not being able to play it again?? But let’s just say that I anger easily these days =)
So, how to really crack?
Let me share my new (self) found knowledge:
1. Install the game.
Ok, let’s not assume people know how to install a game. Put the CD into the drive and the InstallShield will pop up automatically. Just agree to the terms and conditions and click ‘next’ all the way til the end.
2. Open the Crack folder in the CD. Copy the Application type of file(s).
Ignore all the other files. In the case of Outrun, ignore the Unlocker folder, Save Game folder, cheatcode.rar, reloaded, rld-oc2c.rar, unleashed, Unlocker\unleashed, Unlocker\u-o6c2cu.rar, Save Game\common.dat and Save Game\license.dat.
3. Paste that Application file types into the destination where the game was installed. Replace any existing file with the same name.
It will be in the C drive, if you had selected ‘next next next’ in Step 1 above where the default destination is C drive. In the case of Outrun, paste it in C:\Program Files\Sega\OutRun2006 Coast 2 Coast. Sometimes it’s just in C and not in the Program Files. And you need to know what the folder is called. In this case, it’s Sega. Search for an Outrun folder and you will never find it. GTA’s is Rockstar Games and Evolution GT’s is Black Bean.
Why do they ever give such names that are not related to the game’s? =(
4. Play the game!
Next.. how to drift..
“Turn and tap the brake. Very fast tapping and release while turning will drift.”
Question: Where is the brake??
Justification to Timmy and the others who might think I’m a moron: Not all games use the ‘down’ key as brakes. Evolution GT uses A to accelerate, B to brake and the comma and fullstop keys as direction manoeuvre. But let’s just say that I have never, in my life, use the brakes when I play race games, be it at the arcade or on the PC. I’d rather ram the wall or anything else.
Oh yeah, so the brake is the ‘down’ key. “And while you’re drifting, you have to control your steering.” Don’t really understand. Yeah I managed to drift and collect hearts but how can I accelerate while tapping the brakes? I mean, it’s either you accelerate OR tap on the brakes. So, if I choose to drift, the car comes to a stop la =D *scratching head, no understand*
And I must say that when I play Outrun, the girlfriend’s task that I do best (before finding out how to drift) is to ‘hit the cars’. Which shows that I am good at hitting cars and should be thankful that people have created a game whose motive is not to avoid cars, but to hit them. Sicko!
I got at least an A for each task but the final rating is D. How can that be? Cheating us players la.
I can soon have a technical blog like Timmy too, named “Technology for Dum Dums”. Watch this space for more techie revelations!
Timmy said that the game has to be cracked after installation. OH!! OHH!! (x2, one for 2008 and one for 2009) How would I know? My games have never needed to be cracked.
“The crack is inside the CD. You are 10% away from the game. You should be able to install it problem (this is Timmy’s msg, not sure what it means!)”
What is crack? How to crack?!
The laptop will crack when I hurl in to the wall. Deprivation, frustration and accumulated anticipation quite tempted the animal out of me. I endured the drive home, decided to install it despite being utterly sleepy, the installation took ages (to me) and not being able to play it again?? But let’s just say that I anger easily these days =)
So, how to really crack?
Let me share my new (self) found knowledge:
1. Install the game.
Ok, let’s not assume people know how to install a game. Put the CD into the drive and the InstallShield will pop up automatically. Just agree to the terms and conditions and click ‘next’ all the way til the end.
2. Open the Crack folder in the CD. Copy the Application type of file(s).
Ignore all the other files. In the case of Outrun, ignore the Unlocker folder, Save Game folder, cheatcode.rar, reloaded, rld-oc2c.rar, unleashed, Unlocker\unleashed, Unlocker\u-o6c2cu.rar, Save Game\common.dat and Save Game\license.dat.
3. Paste that Application file types into the destination where the game was installed. Replace any existing file with the same name.
It will be in the C drive, if you had selected ‘next next next’ in Step 1 above where the default destination is C drive. In the case of Outrun, paste it in C:\Program Files\Sega\OutRun2006 Coast 2 Coast. Sometimes it’s just in C and not in the Program Files. And you need to know what the folder is called. In this case, it’s Sega. Search for an Outrun folder and you will never find it. GTA’s is Rockstar Games and Evolution GT’s is Black Bean.
Why do they ever give such names that are not related to the game’s? =(
4. Play the game!
Next.. how to drift..
“Turn and tap the brake. Very fast tapping and release while turning will drift.”
Question: Where is the brake??
Justification to Timmy and the others who might think I’m a moron: Not all games use the ‘down’ key as brakes. Evolution GT uses A to accelerate, B to brake and the comma and fullstop keys as direction manoeuvre. But let’s just say that I have never, in my life, use the brakes when I play race games, be it at the arcade or on the PC. I’d rather ram the wall or anything else.
Oh yeah, so the brake is the ‘down’ key. “And while you’re drifting, you have to control your steering.” Don’t really understand. Yeah I managed to drift and collect hearts but how can I accelerate while tapping the brakes? I mean, it’s either you accelerate OR tap on the brakes. So, if I choose to drift, the car comes to a stop la =D *scratching head, no understand*
And I must say that when I play Outrun, the girlfriend’s task that I do best (before finding out how to drift) is to ‘hit the cars’. Which shows that I am good at hitting cars and should be thankful that people have created a game whose motive is not to avoid cars, but to hit them. Sicko!
I got at least an A for each task but the final rating is D. How can that be? Cheating us players la.
I can soon have a technical blog like Timmy too, named “Technology for Dum Dums”. Watch this space for more techie revelations!
30/12/2008
It was a truly happy day. Timmy turned up at my office in the morning to see me. It wasn’t the 1st time but that didn’t count cos he was in the vicinity. But this was special as he came especially from KL to Shah Alam in the morning rush hour just so he could see me for about 15 minutes. It reminded me of the time, the courting days, when I told him I had to rush off from work, but he purposely left his office early so that he could hand me some chocs and watch me walk from the building to the car. Was the really my Timmy ah? =) It was strange as when there was a lot of time during a long weekend, he is not one that wants to see me.
Unfortunately, I was so sad that morning (and every other morning) that I burst into tears immediately. I am very emotional in the mornings, tears are at the very tip of my eyes and I’ll cry instantly at any prompt. It was because that you finally get to see someone you miss so badly, that you can’t help by cry? It was because finally you see someone who is dear, familiar and one to comfort you and call you bendan, that you can’t hold it any longer?
Timmy is one that can make me laugh, as well as make me mad, when I cry. Actually I do think I cry and laugh a lot at the same time; I’ve got a gift for it. I think I was laughing amidst tears when we thought someone was going to double park even when the lot was still empty. (due to lack of parking spaces, we at Toyota have double parking lots drawn). And I got a hug. It’s not easy to get a hug and I already know how to get one: By crying =D That’s how deprived I am, I need to cry to be loved =D If you see someone crying in the Toyota carpark, that’s me =)
I always fantasized the day when my boyfriend turned up one morning. I know that when a phone call comes in the morning, he is there already =)
It made my day. It did feel strange finally seeing someone you been missing so much. It’s like something you wish for is finally in front of your eyes and you can’t believe it.
Unfortunately, I was so sad that morning (and every other morning) that I burst into tears immediately. I am very emotional in the mornings, tears are at the very tip of my eyes and I’ll cry instantly at any prompt. It was because that you finally get to see someone you miss so badly, that you can’t help by cry? It was because finally you see someone who is dear, familiar and one to comfort you and call you bendan, that you can’t hold it any longer?
Timmy is one that can make me laugh, as well as make me mad, when I cry. Actually I do think I cry and laugh a lot at the same time; I’ve got a gift for it. I think I was laughing amidst tears when we thought someone was going to double park even when the lot was still empty. (due to lack of parking spaces, we at Toyota have double parking lots drawn). And I got a hug. It’s not easy to get a hug and I already know how to get one: By crying =D That’s how deprived I am, I need to cry to be loved =D If you see someone crying in the Toyota carpark, that’s me =)
I always fantasized the day when my boyfriend turned up one morning. I know that when a phone call comes in the morning, he is there already =)
It made my day. It did feel strange finally seeing someone you been missing so much. It’s like something you wish for is finally in front of your eyes and you can’t believe it.
To quit or not to quit?
One lasted 3 months. One lasted 4 months. One lasted 3 years, always cried and finally transferred to another division. Another lasted 3 years too, cried too and wants to transfer out but not approved.
How long will I last?
At least I should break the 3 month barrier. After that, I should reach the 4 month barrier. And then it’s too far to go. Or maybe if the bonus that I am staying for isn’t satisfactory, then I’d go. Somehow have a feeling that the only reason why I’m staying, isn’t going to be good too cos it’s all in BB’s hands. And she ruined Nora’s bonus, she doesn’t like her yet don’t want to approve her transfer.
Who is this bloody woman who makes people cry and quit? Who the hell is she, so grand? I wanna fight her back, and I wanna rise for all to see in the TQE council where the deputy chairman, MD and all the heads from all divisions will be.
This is only because it is at the end of the day and it seems ok after all. Wait til next morning. If pregnant woman have morning sickness, I have morning depression that lasts til after lunch and then gradually fade.
Mr Tay said that not every job will suit you. You are now dying to get out. Is the pay good? (No) You have some savings right? The economy is not bad for all. Have some confidence in yourself. When you’re happy, things are good as well. You can teach classes etc. (Yes I agree. I’ll be a happier teacher and a fun-ner girlfriend). Keep quiet and first see what you can find during the Christmas break. Start the year anew, after Chinese New Year. New year, new start. If you’re not comfortable, leave. I don’t know you well but you’re a soft-hearted person and you’ll never be able to fight her. It won’t look good on your resume but unless you change jobs very often, then I would advise you against it.
Peter said if you’re not happy, go. And you’re good in English and tkd, should be no problem for you.
Alin said that it’s the boss. The company is good but it’s the boss. Yes I know that. People here don’t leave the company, they just leave the division and the bloody boss.
It’s happy to know that someone acknowledges that it is a problem. That someone even listens.
I can fight, but it’s just that why should I? Why should I choose unhappiness?
What is it that holds me back again? The bonus? That is a whole year away and I was so determined to throw in my resignation right after Christmas. A 24 hour notice couldn’t be so sweet. What’s it about the bonus and pay again? The pay is the least among those that I was offered and banks offer the same bonus too. But banks are supposedly not doing too well now. But so is Toyota who recorded their 1st loss since the 1940s, but it doesn’t affect us, but maybe bonus-wise.
It’s gonna get sabo-ed anyway.
Heck, they should give me at least 1.5 person’s pay since I am doing 2 people’s work. Both execs have run away.
And finally someone new is coming in. Same thing as well, nothing less on my plate. Instead of saying that I’ve got a lot on my plate and asking how’s my workload, don’t bug me la! I dunno what is this new exec going to do other than planning one annual convention for the whole of the year. And maybe she can take over some of the shit we all been getting.
I don’t mind a lot of work, it makes me feel important. But just don’t disturb me psychologically.
What’s holding me back again? The fear of being broke. I confidently say that I can survive. Actually I really do. My part time income is three-quarters my pay. But I’m just afraid; I got a family to feed. I don’t like to having to think of money whenever I want to buy or eat something. It’s long past that stage. But it actually won’t be just that three-quarter pay alone, cos I can find a part-time job waiting tables at Jusco. I just think it’s a good change to do something different for a while.
Maybe I’ll leave after I finish all the books in the resource centre. Reading all those books that I don’t want to buy, is probably the only interest I have in the building.
What’s holding me back again? The fear of regret someday on, as now itself I occasionally ask myself “What’s the big hype again?” Of course, that’s when things are ok at almost at the end of the day, or when a public holiday is looming. I also fear to be a coward. I don’t want to give the satisfaction to BB. But actually, I’d think she’ll be so dissatisfied that she’ll have to do all the work by herself hahahaha.
Ok, now I wanna have that satisfaction! I’ll leave right before a major meeting and she can start her report from scratch the day before, as how she always make me do.
I do fight her back now. She’s got this habit of looking at you and ‘huh??’ as if you’re saying something stupid whenever you speak. Now I just raise my voice and make her be the stupid one instead who is deaf and doesn’t understand. I just have to speak confidently, that’s all. These are all tactics to break you, I believe. It does.
I wanna stand tall and say that I work for that company everytime I see it somewhere. Heck, it’s almost everywhere. It’s always on tv during some football show that my bro always watches cos it’s a sponsor. But all I do now is shudder everytime I go near the Toyota showroom in Bukit Tinggi. The logo reminds me of unhappiness.
I want to be strong, I can be strong but I want to be happy.
It’s no fun getting at each other’s throats everyday. It’s not fun thinking about dreadful Monday morning. It’s no fun thinking about the number of days in a week: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. And the weekends are spent worrying about the coming Monday. It’s depressing when I arrive at 7.30am and a long til Timmy comes online at 9. The whole everything is depressing; the empty carpark, the Milo, the lunch time. It’s bad, it’s not getting any better. In fact it’s getting worse cos if before I cry before going to work, now I cry both before and after work.
What am I going to do now?
How long will I last?
At least I should break the 3 month barrier. After that, I should reach the 4 month barrier. And then it’s too far to go. Or maybe if the bonus that I am staying for isn’t satisfactory, then I’d go. Somehow have a feeling that the only reason why I’m staying, isn’t going to be good too cos it’s all in BB’s hands. And she ruined Nora’s bonus, she doesn’t like her yet don’t want to approve her transfer.
Who is this bloody woman who makes people cry and quit? Who the hell is she, so grand? I wanna fight her back, and I wanna rise for all to see in the TQE council where the deputy chairman, MD and all the heads from all divisions will be.
This is only because it is at the end of the day and it seems ok after all. Wait til next morning. If pregnant woman have morning sickness, I have morning depression that lasts til after lunch and then gradually fade.
Mr Tay said that not every job will suit you. You are now dying to get out. Is the pay good? (No) You have some savings right? The economy is not bad for all. Have some confidence in yourself. When you’re happy, things are good as well. You can teach classes etc. (Yes I agree. I’ll be a happier teacher and a fun-ner girlfriend). Keep quiet and first see what you can find during the Christmas break. Start the year anew, after Chinese New Year. New year, new start. If you’re not comfortable, leave. I don’t know you well but you’re a soft-hearted person and you’ll never be able to fight her. It won’t look good on your resume but unless you change jobs very often, then I would advise you against it.
Peter said if you’re not happy, go. And you’re good in English and tkd, should be no problem for you.
Alin said that it’s the boss. The company is good but it’s the boss. Yes I know that. People here don’t leave the company, they just leave the division and the bloody boss.
It’s happy to know that someone acknowledges that it is a problem. That someone even listens.
I can fight, but it’s just that why should I? Why should I choose unhappiness?
What is it that holds me back again? The bonus? That is a whole year away and I was so determined to throw in my resignation right after Christmas. A 24 hour notice couldn’t be so sweet. What’s it about the bonus and pay again? The pay is the least among those that I was offered and banks offer the same bonus too. But banks are supposedly not doing too well now. But so is Toyota who recorded their 1st loss since the 1940s, but it doesn’t affect us, but maybe bonus-wise.
It’s gonna get sabo-ed anyway.
Heck, they should give me at least 1.5 person’s pay since I am doing 2 people’s work. Both execs have run away.
And finally someone new is coming in. Same thing as well, nothing less on my plate. Instead of saying that I’ve got a lot on my plate and asking how’s my workload, don’t bug me la! I dunno what is this new exec going to do other than planning one annual convention for the whole of the year. And maybe she can take over some of the shit we all been getting.
I don’t mind a lot of work, it makes me feel important. But just don’t disturb me psychologically.
What’s holding me back again? The fear of being broke. I confidently say that I can survive. Actually I really do. My part time income is three-quarters my pay. But I’m just afraid; I got a family to feed. I don’t like to having to think of money whenever I want to buy or eat something. It’s long past that stage. But it actually won’t be just that three-quarter pay alone, cos I can find a part-time job waiting tables at Jusco. I just think it’s a good change to do something different for a while.
Maybe I’ll leave after I finish all the books in the resource centre. Reading all those books that I don’t want to buy, is probably the only interest I have in the building.
What’s holding me back again? The fear of regret someday on, as now itself I occasionally ask myself “What’s the big hype again?” Of course, that’s when things are ok at almost at the end of the day, or when a public holiday is looming. I also fear to be a coward. I don’t want to give the satisfaction to BB. But actually, I’d think she’ll be so dissatisfied that she’ll have to do all the work by herself hahahaha.
Ok, now I wanna have that satisfaction! I’ll leave right before a major meeting and she can start her report from scratch the day before, as how she always make me do.
I do fight her back now. She’s got this habit of looking at you and ‘huh??’ as if you’re saying something stupid whenever you speak. Now I just raise my voice and make her be the stupid one instead who is deaf and doesn’t understand. I just have to speak confidently, that’s all. These are all tactics to break you, I believe. It does.
I wanna stand tall and say that I work for that company everytime I see it somewhere. Heck, it’s almost everywhere. It’s always on tv during some football show that my bro always watches cos it’s a sponsor. But all I do now is shudder everytime I go near the Toyota showroom in Bukit Tinggi. The logo reminds me of unhappiness.
I want to be strong, I can be strong but I want to be happy.
It’s no fun getting at each other’s throats everyday. It’s not fun thinking about dreadful Monday morning. It’s no fun thinking about the number of days in a week: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. And the weekends are spent worrying about the coming Monday. It’s depressing when I arrive at 7.30am and a long til Timmy comes online at 9. The whole everything is depressing; the empty carpark, the Milo, the lunch time. It’s bad, it’s not getting any better. In fact it’s getting worse cos if before I cry before going to work, now I cry both before and after work.
What am I going to do now?
Parasitism
“Parasitism isn’t natural to Homo Sapiens or to any species of mammal.” -a quote in Dean Koontz’s The Husband-
When I read this line, immediately one person comes to mind.
I thought that when you think of Lee Sue Ann, you think of a sign that is plastered across her face screaming “Think what you can get out of her!” But apparently to this parasite, everyone has this sign plastered across their foreheads too. It’s sickening that after a long absence and a current short presence, you persist to leech onto people. It is revolting that after a long time of absence, the first thing that comes out of your mouth is for a parasitic relationship. And you do have some other platform but I dunno if you are plain cheap, lazy or just crave for parasitism. Have parasites no dignity in them, no face at all that they stoop so low to ask even though they don’t need it at all? I think it’s all in the genes.
I can’t believe that this parasite deserves a whole post. But maybe she does because she is truly one of a kind, I have not and will probably not meet another parasite like this.
When I read this line, immediately one person comes to mind.
I thought that when you think of Lee Sue Ann, you think of a sign that is plastered across her face screaming “Think what you can get out of her!” But apparently to this parasite, everyone has this sign plastered across their foreheads too. It’s sickening that after a long absence and a current short presence, you persist to leech onto people. It is revolting that after a long time of absence, the first thing that comes out of your mouth is for a parasitic relationship. And you do have some other platform but I dunno if you are plain cheap, lazy or just crave for parasitism. Have parasites no dignity in them, no face at all that they stoop so low to ask even though they don’t need it at all? I think it’s all in the genes.
I can’t believe that this parasite deserves a whole post. But maybe she does because she is truly one of a kind, I have not and will probably not meet another parasite like this.
2009 resolutions
I confess that I have 2 problems:
a. A strong urge to go somewhere on weekends or any holiday
b. Binge eating
I just cannot be at home during the weekends. It is terribly boring and I get fidgety and restless. I dunno if it’s due to wanting to celebrate the great marvellous weekend or is it that I never had a day off for some time, so it’s a terrible waste to just sit at home when I finally have a whole day free. The problem is, where to and with who? I have a boring family that despite saying that scolding me that they are bored, they don’t wanna go anywhere. Ask them if they wanna watch a movie and they don’t want to. Why would anyone resist a 3D movie? Why would anyone not want to go out for lunch but instead eat nothing at home?
I just want to celebrate the weekend after a whole fucking week’s work! Why is it so difficult to go out like the billions of people at the mall or anywhere else? There are tons of people at Station 1 and here I am sitting at home on a Saturday night.
i.just.need.to.go.somewhere. I.really.desperately.do.
The problem is that the people I am fond of, do not have the mutual feeling. And those who are persistent and available, I just can’t tolerate them. Have 3 people in mind right now but thank god, they have got the message and have ceased to ask.
Resolution #1: Increase networking. It’s just good to not be disappointed by the same people over and over again.
Binge eating is what happens when I am unhappy. I feel that eating my favourite food gives me a wee bit of happiness and also that I need a reward for all the hard work. This, I have taken after my father, according to my mother. Unfortunately, I have no resolution for this as chocs and good food is one of the few things that I would not compromise on cos I don’t like having a thought at the back of my head telling me I shouldn’t eat this and that for all the money that I’ve earned.
I’ve become pretty emotional lately. Reading Man and Boy made me think of my father and I cried. Reading The Husband gave me the fear of losing a loved one. Watching Titanic made me feel that love is the most beautiful thing in the world. “My Heart Will Go On” was once the most overrated song but when paired with the scenes, it made me think what a girlfriend I had been.
Is it that I think a lot lately, causing this rush of emotions?
Mr Tay asked why was I being so emotional, crying of dread to go to work. He was surprised cos he always said that I was a strong, hardworking young girl who worked hard to support her family. I think it really made him realise that it wasn’t a case of emotions but rather a real problem on hand.
I’d like to think that I wasn’t this weak. Is being emo actually weak? Hooi Leng’s words from 6 years ago continue to ring in my head: “Before you had a boyfriend, you weren’t this hampau”. I justified that now I have someone to love and comfort me. I don’t have to be stoic and be the brave one anymore. I remember when I returned to school a week after daddy passed away, I stubbornly wanted to resume prefect duties although I was given off until I was ready. I remember the then head prefect, Ming Luan, speaking to me as soon as I arrived for briefing. I remember pushing Debbie off when she wanted to give me a comforting hug. I didn’t want any sympathy and did not need any.
But if it were to happen now, I don’t think I would have that strength. I would crumble and become a recluse. Maybe it was because I did not allow myself to grieve all these years, to protect myself from the unhappiness. That is why I still cry at any mere thought of him. Is it normal to be missing him, or had I never really accepted the loss? God, it’s already been 8 years.
I had protected myself from unhappiness, and I shall continue to do so.
Resolution #2: To eliminate all unhappiness, one by one.
I’m trying to fill my time with as many things possible to keep me occupied but I’m not sure if I want to teach kids when all I want to do is to curl up in bed.
Resolution #3: To further reduce dependency for an ear and emotional and physical support.
Resolution #4: To not complain anymore and to keep my mouth shut.
For resolution #3 and #4, that’s what blogs are for. But the bloody problem is that I have no Internet despite more than 2 weeks after signing up, and now they say my area is not covered. Imagine that you are spilling with things to say, 2 months’ worth of things to say, unhappiness to spill, events to unfold. Bursting out of your seams and you just need to get rid of some to clear your head and chest. People talk and share every day. People blog every few days. Now you know how it is like? Told you I’m not psycho.
a. A strong urge to go somewhere on weekends or any holiday
b. Binge eating
I just cannot be at home during the weekends. It is terribly boring and I get fidgety and restless. I dunno if it’s due to wanting to celebrate the great marvellous weekend or is it that I never had a day off for some time, so it’s a terrible waste to just sit at home when I finally have a whole day free. The problem is, where to and with who? I have a boring family that despite saying that scolding me that they are bored, they don’t wanna go anywhere. Ask them if they wanna watch a movie and they don’t want to. Why would anyone resist a 3D movie? Why would anyone not want to go out for lunch but instead eat nothing at home?
I just want to celebrate the weekend after a whole fucking week’s work! Why is it so difficult to go out like the billions of people at the mall or anywhere else? There are tons of people at Station 1 and here I am sitting at home on a Saturday night.
i.just.need.to.go.somewhere. I.really.desperately.do.
The problem is that the people I am fond of, do not have the mutual feeling. And those who are persistent and available, I just can’t tolerate them. Have 3 people in mind right now but thank god, they have got the message and have ceased to ask.
Resolution #1: Increase networking. It’s just good to not be disappointed by the same people over and over again.
Binge eating is what happens when I am unhappy. I feel that eating my favourite food gives me a wee bit of happiness and also that I need a reward for all the hard work. This, I have taken after my father, according to my mother. Unfortunately, I have no resolution for this as chocs and good food is one of the few things that I would not compromise on cos I don’t like having a thought at the back of my head telling me I shouldn’t eat this and that for all the money that I’ve earned.
I’ve become pretty emotional lately. Reading Man and Boy made me think of my father and I cried. Reading The Husband gave me the fear of losing a loved one. Watching Titanic made me feel that love is the most beautiful thing in the world. “My Heart Will Go On” was once the most overrated song but when paired with the scenes, it made me think what a girlfriend I had been.
Is it that I think a lot lately, causing this rush of emotions?
Mr Tay asked why was I being so emotional, crying of dread to go to work. He was surprised cos he always said that I was a strong, hardworking young girl who worked hard to support her family. I think it really made him realise that it wasn’t a case of emotions but rather a real problem on hand.
I’d like to think that I wasn’t this weak. Is being emo actually weak? Hooi Leng’s words from 6 years ago continue to ring in my head: “Before you had a boyfriend, you weren’t this hampau”. I justified that now I have someone to love and comfort me. I don’t have to be stoic and be the brave one anymore. I remember when I returned to school a week after daddy passed away, I stubbornly wanted to resume prefect duties although I was given off until I was ready. I remember the then head prefect, Ming Luan, speaking to me as soon as I arrived for briefing. I remember pushing Debbie off when she wanted to give me a comforting hug. I didn’t want any sympathy and did not need any.
But if it were to happen now, I don’t think I would have that strength. I would crumble and become a recluse. Maybe it was because I did not allow myself to grieve all these years, to protect myself from the unhappiness. That is why I still cry at any mere thought of him. Is it normal to be missing him, or had I never really accepted the loss? God, it’s already been 8 years.
I had protected myself from unhappiness, and I shall continue to do so.
Resolution #2: To eliminate all unhappiness, one by one.
I’m trying to fill my time with as many things possible to keep me occupied but I’m not sure if I want to teach kids when all I want to do is to curl up in bed.
Resolution #3: To further reduce dependency for an ear and emotional and physical support.
Resolution #4: To not complain anymore and to keep my mouth shut.
For resolution #3 and #4, that’s what blogs are for. But the bloody problem is that I have no Internet despite more than 2 weeks after signing up, and now they say my area is not covered. Imagine that you are spilling with things to say, 2 months’ worth of things to say, unhappiness to spill, events to unfold. Bursting out of your seams and you just need to get rid of some to clear your head and chest. People talk and share every day. People blog every few days. Now you know how it is like? Told you I’m not psycho.
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