One lasted 3 months. One lasted 4 months. One lasted 3 years, always cried and finally transferred to another division. Another lasted 3 years too, cried too and wants to transfer out but not approved.
How long will I last?
At least I should break the 3 month barrier. After that, I should reach the 4 month barrier. And then it’s too far to go. Or maybe if the bonus that I am staying for isn’t satisfactory, then I’d go. Somehow have a feeling that the only reason why I’m staying, isn’t going to be good too cos it’s all in BB’s hands. And she ruined Nora’s bonus, she doesn’t like her yet don’t want to approve her transfer.
Who is this bloody woman who makes people cry and quit? Who the hell is she, so grand? I wanna fight her back, and I wanna rise for all to see in the TQE council where the deputy chairman, MD and all the heads from all divisions will be.
This is only because it is at the end of the day and it seems ok after all. Wait til next morning. If pregnant woman have morning sickness, I have morning depression that lasts til after lunch and then gradually fade.
Mr Tay said that not every job will suit you. You are now dying to get out. Is the pay good? (No) You have some savings right? The economy is not bad for all. Have some confidence in yourself. When you’re happy, things are good as well. You can teach classes etc. (Yes I agree. I’ll be a happier teacher and a fun-ner girlfriend). Keep quiet and first see what you can find during the Christmas break. Start the year anew, after Chinese New Year. New year, new start. If you’re not comfortable, leave. I don’t know you well but you’re a soft-hearted person and you’ll never be able to fight her. It won’t look good on your resume but unless you change jobs very often, then I would advise you against it.
Peter said if you’re not happy, go. And you’re good in English and tkd, should be no problem for you.
Alin said that it’s the boss. The company is good but it’s the boss. Yes I know that. People here don’t leave the company, they just leave the division and the bloody boss.
It’s happy to know that someone acknowledges that it is a problem. That someone even listens.
I can fight, but it’s just that why should I? Why should I choose unhappiness?
What is it that holds me back again? The bonus? That is a whole year away and I was so determined to throw in my resignation right after Christmas. A 24 hour notice couldn’t be so sweet. What’s it about the bonus and pay again? The pay is the least among those that I was offered and banks offer the same bonus too. But banks are supposedly not doing too well now. But so is Toyota who recorded their 1st loss since the 1940s, but it doesn’t affect us, but maybe bonus-wise.
It’s gonna get sabo-ed anyway.
Heck, they should give me at least 1.5 person’s pay since I am doing 2 people’s work. Both execs have run away.
And finally someone new is coming in. Same thing as well, nothing less on my plate. Instead of saying that I’ve got a lot on my plate and asking how’s my workload, don’t bug me la! I dunno what is this new exec going to do other than planning one annual convention for the whole of the year. And maybe she can take over some of the shit we all been getting.
I don’t mind a lot of work, it makes me feel important. But just don’t disturb me psychologically.
What’s holding me back again? The fear of being broke. I confidently say that I can survive. Actually I really do. My part time income is three-quarters my pay. But I’m just afraid; I got a family to feed. I don’t like to having to think of money whenever I want to buy or eat something. It’s long past that stage. But it actually won’t be just that three-quarter pay alone, cos I can find a part-time job waiting tables at Jusco. I just think it’s a good change to do something different for a while.
Maybe I’ll leave after I finish all the books in the resource centre. Reading all those books that I don’t want to buy, is probably the only interest I have in the building.
What’s holding me back again? The fear of regret someday on, as now itself I occasionally ask myself “What’s the big hype again?” Of course, that’s when things are ok at almost at the end of the day, or when a public holiday is looming. I also fear to be a coward. I don’t want to give the satisfaction to BB. But actually, I’d think she’ll be so dissatisfied that she’ll have to do all the work by herself hahahaha.
Ok, now I wanna have that satisfaction! I’ll leave right before a major meeting and she can start her report from scratch the day before, as how she always make me do.
I do fight her back now. She’s got this habit of looking at you and ‘huh??’ as if you’re saying something stupid whenever you speak. Now I just raise my voice and make her be the stupid one instead who is deaf and doesn’t understand. I just have to speak confidently, that’s all. These are all tactics to break you, I believe. It does.
I wanna stand tall and say that I work for that company everytime I see it somewhere. Heck, it’s almost everywhere. It’s always on tv during some football show that my bro always watches cos it’s a sponsor. But all I do now is shudder everytime I go near the Toyota showroom in Bukit Tinggi. The logo reminds me of unhappiness.
I want to be strong, I can be strong but I want to be happy.
It’s no fun getting at each other’s throats everyday. It’s not fun thinking about dreadful Monday morning. It’s no fun thinking about the number of days in a week: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. And the weekends are spent worrying about the coming Monday. It’s depressing when I arrive at 7.30am and a long til Timmy comes online at 9. The whole everything is depressing; the empty carpark, the Milo, the lunch time. It’s bad, it’s not getting any better. In fact it’s getting worse cos if before I cry before going to work, now I cry both before and after work.
What am I going to do now?
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