I survived another week

The much awaited weekend has finally arrived. I sort of can’t believe that I made it, that something impossible is finally here. It was a long arduous week, both mentally and physically. Mental fatigue will wear you out faster than the physical one. I failed again, I failed to abstain. I should have been practising and bracing myself but I was just too fragile emotionally. Short-lived happiness was better than none at all.

How can one feel so emotional til wanna puke?

I have started to drive whole-heartedly. Whole-heartedly as in driving with my heart and mind on the road. 1 hit and 1 near-hit in 2 days made me realise that I gotta do something. I hadn’t hit anyone since the days that I worked in Jusco when JC had to come to my rescue, checking my car and settling things with the asshole who furiously pounded my window asking me to get out. It was stupid, and it will be even more stupid to hit someone after driving for 7 years. My mind wasn’t 100% on the road, the near-hit wasn’t my fault, but might have been prevented if my mind wasn’t so cluttered. The screech that my bro heard when he was IN the school compound was MINE. It was that loud and the loudest I have ever done.

Sometimes I think that everything started because I joined Toyota.. Phil Chang’s song singing Jiu Shi Ni De Zhuo (It’s all your fault) runs in my head, but to the amended Jiu Shi Wo De Zhuo. And while I was writing this, a song was playing called Wo De Xin Tai Luan (My heart is too messy), written by the person who wrote Huang Hun. There was a line saying that ‘my heart is too messy til I can’t cry out anymore’. But the stupid CD sangkut at this song instead. Suddenly feeling sentimental and now I understand why some people like to listen to Mandarin songs; the lyrics are erm.. kinda feely. Btw, not sure if the title of the songs are correct.

Suddenly missing some of the songs that I’ve heard play over and over again. And turns out that this CD has a lot of nice songs that I never knew was inside =)

I think as long as you listen to English songs as well, then you pass the yeh test =D

I dunno why I always choose to speak Mandarin, the dialect that I can speak least. Just found it easier to get the tone compared to Cantonese which is still off-key despite speaking it religiously for 5 years.

Anyway..

There aren’t enough hours in a day. After work, there is office work to be done, tuition classes to teach, lessons to prepare and UPSR questions to do. Undertaking Science classes mean that I have to read up, unlike English or Maths that I can just teach on the spot. Well, guess money is not easy to earn. Work 5 days a week, tuition 4 nights a week and some asshole want me to do tkd both days on weekends. What makes this person more assholic is that he says he will call me to pay me my salary. No call until he wants to order me to teach. Then feeling guilty, he says he wanna meet some time to pass me my pay. Nothing again, and the next call is to again ask me to teach some class. Shitty man. Shows what kinda personality he has. Don’t forget that you owe me money before ordering me to teach more classes.

Tired tired tired.. dunno why my day job wears me out so much and I haven’t even started much tuition yet.

But there seem to be a lot of time if there is no activity for the night. I came home, had a nap, had dinner and it’s only 9pm! There is still a lot of time to play around on the laptop.

In comparison, Mr Tay said that I can give personal tuition using his centre. As in something like home tuition but I do it at his place. He only wants RM5 out of my earnings for electricity. How nice can a man be? How nice can a man be? He himself is in the tuition line, and me taking up 1 of his classes will mean he has 1 room less and many business opportunities less as well. Hearing him say this touched me to near-tears. (I am in teary mode these days). I just feel so blessed to know this man and.. he’s just a really good guy. He called me that day, just to tell me that he’s back from overseas and available if I wanted to talk knowing how troubled I am. I will not let him down and teach those kids with the very best I can. He asked me to come over for a BBQ at his place this weekend as well. Yum yum, haven’t had a BBQ for ages.

Btw, is it a wise idea to take relationships and marriage advice from someone whose marriage failed? I don’t think so.

The people at Toyota are so cold that when I find someone who actually explains things to you without making you feel that you require a big favour from them, makes me feel so aww.. There is this guy, who asks to be called TC, who despites having to provide me data, starts things with ‘Good morning’ and ends it with ‘Have a nice weekend’. It scared me! Only the person requiring the favour would usually do this. I haven’t even met him. There is another girl who wasn’t that sugary but she took time to explain things to me too. No worries though, I am adapting and not going to be so kind to anyone who asks for my time. Things here are that hectic; everyone has to watch their own stuff rather than entertaining anyone else.

Everyone everywhere is saying that we should cut expenses etc. I don’t feel like it, don’t feel like depriving myself of the little indulgences that I think I fairly deserve for my hard work. As shallow as it seem, to binge-shop, it is not really shopping but rather not thinking twice whenever I wanna buy an item here or 2. I mean like, I don’t want to have the worrying feeling seeing my grocery trolley pile with unnecessary things.

Wasn’t initially looking forward to CNY but seeing my mum buy foodstuff that day gave me a little mood. There were already beer and drinks promoters at Tesco. One of them asked if we wanna buy shandy. As we walked off, my mum said “We don’t drink shandy, we’re Christians.” I found it so hilarious that I still lol as I wrote this.

2 more weeks to CNY. OMG, it’s that near! Not particularly enthusiastic about CNY but looking forward to the hols! After that, it’s Thaipusam! And then it’s back to reality but let’s not delve into there yet.