Break up...not yet.

Ok, so the 2 long overdue blogs are done. Been nagging at me for days. So a compilation of thoughts again..

First, I decided to mention the intention of breaking up with bf in my blog cos:
1. It’s really bugging me
2. It’s honestly irritating for me to keep being the ‘next one to get married’. You, you and you, please stop it. Cos there is no wedding and there is no one to get married to. Geddit, geddit? Being together for 5 years does not mean a happy ending. Don’t say things not knowing the real situation. Ok, so I only recently have a blog. So I forgive you but please, no more of those..

How could I have possibly delayed this for so long? There was this intention before we went to Redang last year! But there was always an excuse to prolong it. Then every time I decide to finally speak up, he comes early in the morning to ask me out for dim sum. How can you break the news on the morning he wakes up early just so I can have my favourite dim sum? And he doesn't even enjoy dim sum. Gosh..

And he has no idea. It is very big and clear here that we have a problem- we hardly see and speak to each other despite being less than 3 metres apart everyday! He’s still making plans- Pangkor, Koh Samui and he plans to buy me a new handphone again. My mum’s gonna scold me if I were to change phones again.

He’s a good guy. Even my hard-to-please mum told my aunt “Orang dia baik”. No complaints at all, just that we are plain incompatible. I don’t know how to break up. I really don’t want to affect him that badly, he’s not sleeping much already these days. His Digi dealership got suspended for the second time and just as he thought it was about to be lifted, they told him that it might get extended to another month. Making a living is tough like this.

Someone suggested using the same method I did with Jesse. Can’t, we were quarrelling on the phone and I blurted it out without meaning it. Suet said we hardly talk, how to quarrel? And seriously, I can’t think of a single thing to pick a fight with. He’s that good. He knows what I hate, and actually quits it. I’m his angel. I feel like crying.

It’s so difficult to fall asleep at night. It’s really distressing when the clock is ticking and you have to sleep so you’d not be a zombie the next day. People are running around in my head. Go away!

Is it bad to talk bout my Loong Loong in public this way? Just need advice. Wanna cry again thinking bout the times we had. Help..

(written at 9.45pm the day before, still feel the same way now)