(Titleless)

90% there
I waited half an hour for the bloody interview. It seems that they were conducting it just for the sake of doing it, for the girl told me that they were looking for someone to interview me. What the fcuk? I did consider walking out; I am that arrogant. But I ain’t gonna waste half my day of leave for nothing.

The reason for accepting this job wouldn’t be right. I just want a change. Anything to remove everything. I dunno what to do.

No more reloads
My free reloads have finally ceased. I am pissed. Now there is the chore of remembering when do they expire and then go in search of a shop. I haven’t done that in years as the reloads just come automatically each month. Then, there are extra expenses. Idiot. But then, I can’t expect my ex-boyfriend to supply credit for me to call my boyfriend right? I did ask him to remove my name from the list but he just said nvm. Loong2 si fatt kwai is a good man. He was willing to change for me, to even drop his beliefs. =(

But I just got a message sent to all dealers. I get sms but not reloads? Where the fcuk are they?

Stupid mother
Some people are so unbelievably ridiculous. This stupid woman, Imelda was making noise because her daughter missed the tkd exam. I said that Edwin had already issued a notice to everyone and it is impossible to miss it as well as there would be reminders and preparations going on in class. Make noise, make noise, make noise and then she said that her daughter hadn’t come for weeks. Well, whose fault is it, moron? You can’t stay at home and then scold people for not telling you that Giant caught fire, isn’t it? I told her off and then she said that Edwin should call those who did not get the notice. Does that no-brainer know how many classes he teaches and how many students are there per class? Whose fault is it in the first place?

Please, before you talk, remember that it reflects how many brain cells you have. Or just don’t become those irritating mothers.

FYI, this is the mother who allowed her kids to ride the school bus just because they said that they never had the chance to go to school by bus. How far is the school from home? 100m. From Chen Chen Ho to SK Batu Unjur. On the first and only day, they took too long to reach home, so she went to the school to search for them and found them still waiting in the bus. She took them out of the bus, paid the fare for the month of RM22 and that’s all the bus-riding experience. My mum taruk her as well, serves her right.

A mother I will become: A message to my cute kids who take after their mother
a. Tkd and piano won’t make you better people or make you earn more later in life, but it is more for leisure and exercise. I won’t impose those on you; you shall only take it up if you have the interest. Will expose you to it though so that the interest will grow. But if you do take up tkd, you need to have at least a black belt before you quit. But quitting piano is acceptable =P

b. No playing stupid games in the arcades. Those drum-beating or dancing around games are absolutely stupid and make not only you look stupid but mummy and daddy as well. How lame that beating a drum can be made into a game. I’ll enrol you for drum class if you want.

c. No junk food. No Twisties, Mr Potato or whatsoever. They shall be kept solely for mummy or daddy when you are all asleep.

d. No tuition, piano, drum or tkd classes on weekends. I believe you need rest. Mummy wants to sleep and then go shopping too. Daddy could send you for the whatever classes but I want you and Daddy to come along and spend the day together.

e. If possible, no tuition for you too. I don’t believe in those tuition classes looking at the way they are run. But I’m lazy to teach you, go and ask daddy instead.

I shall not be an annoying, over-protective mother who passes the responsibilities solely to the teacher and then come to school and be a nuisance.

Lessons for you

1. There is a creature that is thick-headed and has something dangling in the front. It is called a Man.

2. If you see a man who has fallen down, the least you can do is to bandage his wound. Even if you don’t want to bandage it, it’s better that you walk away than to rub salt in. It doesn’t help the least and it hurts.

3. It is selfish to say that change only involves the changing person. It does affect the people around you. A very simple example would be: If you farted, it would change the smell of the air. What do the others do? Close their noses. So, that is the effect. The same thing goes if you become a murderer. You think your family is happy? Do you not think they will be affected emotionally and physically? So please think before you change, cos you don’t live in solitude.

4. Remember those essays that you always wrote in school saying that the Internet is bad influence for the kids and youth? Yes, there is actually some truth in it. I used to laugh that people aren’t that vulnerable but now I laugh no more. The Internet really pollutes your mind and stains a very beautiful white cloth. Especially Youtube.

5. The environment that you are in makes or breaks you.

I already said that I don’t wanna know, then why did I try to ask knowing very well that I wouldn’t like the answer? The answer disgusted me, the image unfolding in my mind further disgusted me. From today onwards, I shall not wonder anymore cos I will regret it. I will fight instead.

At times, I think I am a fighter. At times, I feel that I am full of sorrow that I don’t have the will to carry on. I don’t have the will to teach all those tuitions and tkd anymore. I don’t feel like coming to work. I am so fucking tired of crying at work. I just don’t feel like doing reports, don’t feel like talking to people, don’t feel like living. Nothing drives me. I don’t have anything to look forward to. I just wanna forget it all, pretend that it was all a dream and curl up in bed and sleep. It’s marvellous what sleep can do for you. When you wake up, you wonder what was that sorrow all about, was it just a dream? Until you check your phone and reality slaps you in the face again. That is why some people choose to sleep ‘forever’.

I’ve lost my pillar of strength and the joy of my life. FUCK has become my favourite word and I don’t remember when I started becoming this person full of anger and not the jovial joker anymore.

I do appreciate everything I have. I just want the things I have to remain forever but I’m fighting a losing battle.